u/Creative-Copy-3502

Okay, I know this might sound strange, and not like any other start stories but I want to become an influencer or a youtuber specifically because of a book.

In short words, I'm trying to write a book with a pseudo name and I want my identity to stay hidden forever.

But to make that book, I need stories and materials (since it will be like a memoir) I made a list of everything that I have to achieve, or go through in life just to get content material for the book. And i already started checking some boxes. Which is good.

One of the check marks is becoming a youtuber.

I'm a copywriter so writing content, doing research, picking a niche, hook engineering and things like that are easier for me, so that's a head start.

Now, I want to know if there's any good learning materials or anything I can study to help me in this journey.

Goal is not money.

Goal is to become known among a certain group of people. My niche.

Okay, I know this might sound strange, and not like any other start stories but I want to become an influencer or a youtuber specifically because of a book.

In short words, I'm trying to write a book with a pseudo name and I want my identity to stay hidden forever.

But to make that book, I need stories and materials (since it will be like a memoir) I made a list of everything that I have to achieve, or go through in life just to get content material for the book. And i already started checking some boxes. Which is good.

One of the check marks is becoming a youtuber.

I'm a copywriter so writing content, doing research, picking a niche, hook engineering and things like that are easier for me, so that's a head start.

Now, I want to know if there's any good learning materials or anything I can study to help me in this journey.

Goal is not money.

Goal is to become known among a certain group of people. My niche.

Not so long ago I made a post about feeling like manipulative. A bit of context, I went through a break up, I felt like shit and lonely and really had no one to talk to. But 3 girls DMed me.

We started talking but there's a problem. I'm kind of too sweet by design. Like, in how I talk. Idk why but I always end up supportive or being sweet with other people. Especially with good ppl.

So, I felt bad that I may confuse them with how I talk so I posted here asking for help. Most if not all told me to just inform them that you're a sweet talker and that you're not looking for something right now.

So I did.

It was cool for a while UNTIL, a 4th girl DMed me. This time, she's now my gf.

Idk how or what she did to me but we just INSTANTLY clicked and we knew we'll be together. In just 3 days, she fully converted me to lover mode. 😭

And so I told those girls bcs i felt like if I didn't, I'm still betraying them and my new gf.

I started with the oldest one bcs I knew she was mature and thankfully, she was mature to understand and wished us good luck.

The second oldest one felt a bit different, like she was a bit sad about it. She didn't fully say it but I felt something happened.

The third and the youngest felt really sad and started becoming cold 😭

Idk what to do now, I really don't. I think I fcked up. I think I really should have never spoken to them or just be me. I don't want them to be sad or get heartbroken. They are good ppl and they don't deserve someone like me in their life 😭😭😭

So now I feel lost. The older and the second oldest feel like okay, they really just wished me luck and said to take care of her. (I will 😤)

But the youngest just feels sad. And I now i feel like a bad person.

I should just probably sleep at this point 🤧

Like, bear with me for a moment.

Everyone loves relationships, the good times, the sweet talking the kind words.

But what you should ACTUALLY love is the hard times. The hard times of the relationship teach you MORE about the other person than ANY other good times.

But specifically.

When giving or receiving feedback.

How they respond and will they accept feedback? That's what you should look for.

Our society is so screwed that we don't accept pieces of advice or feedback, we feel like we know better and that we have "more" information than them regarding the topic, therefore you know better.

But feedback is the #1 number driver of growth. Look around you, businesses LOVE reviews. Why? It shows them their flaws. We are so close to ourselves that we don't see our flaws.

But others do.

So, seek feedback and be receptive to feedback. (And screwed hateful feedback. Follow the constructive one.)

You know, this might be because I'm bored in the morning before a long day shift that I'm writing this, or maybe because I just enjoy writing, or maybe because the cosmetics fluctuations of the univer...

Alright, cut the bullshit.

I was talking to some people here and there and I noticed something which is really weird, the majority don't even have the basics of communication skills.

Not trying to say this in a rude way because it is not our fault.

We never have been trained or taught about how to actually communicate with others, or how to lift a conversation.

I had to learn that because it was a matter of do it or DO it.

And it is not extremely complicated. It is just a set of rules and tricks that you can use throughout a conversation like asking the right type of questions, don't say "how are you?" But an open ended question like "anything exciting today?"

And all of us, men and women are equally bad at communicating in our own way.

I wish I had resources for this as I'm self-taught but if anyone has some good resources about this one please do share. (And please, not the "How to win friends and influence people" classic. That "was" good, but when you're an extrovert. It is a book written by an extrovert to an extrovert. But it still had some GREAT knowledge so worth checking it.)

It just makes me sad how we get judged for sometimes just being us.

Every guy his like little world where they collect things and information. It's like having knowledge about everything.

Sports, politics, Pokémon, gaming, every guy is personal in what he collects in his world. They feel proud about the information they have in their world.

And then share it with the others.

We feel proud that we made that world and we want to share it with the world.

But then we get judged. For talking too much, for saying weird stuff, for even knowing things.

It's like telling a 5 year old don't show me your drawings, know they are bad anyways. Because deep down, inside every man, there's a 5 year old with his cute drawings to show the world

Hey, so, I'm starting to feel like I'm being manipulative right now.

My gf broke up with me, like a couple of days ago and been so stressed out from that and work. Running a startup is sure a shit show.

I never engaged with any other girls when I was with my ex, I chose to remain faithful, even if girls DMed me more frequently, I would just apologize and say I have a gf that I love and unless it is business related, i can't engage in this conversation.

After me and my gf broke up, I still kept receiving DMs as well. But this time, I started accepting them.

Last 2 days, I got 5 different girls who DMed me. And I engaged with them. I started talking to all of them and they are really really cool and interesting people in their own way. Each have a different personality and stories and I LOVE listenting to their stories and learning more about them.

But the issue is. I'm kind of an extra sweet person. I picked this up from my gf because she was a special needs person that needed a special sweetness and treatment, she was EXTRA sensitive, not just bcs she was a girl but bcs she also had a disease that made her sensitive. I always cared and treated her with kindness that I really never knew I even had in me (she was my first), I never got mad or angry at her no matter what happened and always handled her mood swings and anger issues with calmness. She always said that I'm the only person who never got angry at her.

And then that kindness stuck with me. Now I started treating every girl with the same level of kindness as her. (I understood them better bcs of my previous relationship and now I know how hard it is. So I can't just "not" be nice to them after what I knew)

I get sad when they are sad, supportive when they feel low, I check up on them and make sure they are well rested, if they slept well, ate well, if they are exercising or not. When they get emotional, I just show my support.

I never been social with girls, like my skills with girls are super low. But I'm sure a slick talker. I subconsciously know what to say, when and how to say it in a way that pleases the other person. And I don't do this intentionally, It's just printed in my way of talking. (I learned this from my work. This is actually what I do. Bullshit people into buying stuff)

So I started to notice that 2 of those girls started to show a bit of closeness to me. They started to feel safe to share and engage and just be them, even if they were really socially awkward before. They even said they never had the courage to speak to other boys and that they feel safe talking to me and that I'm easy to talk to or something.

So what I'm afraid happened here is that I manipulated them or something. Idk, I never tried, I just was acting like me? but I just fear that I might get into a deep situation where I have to break someone's heart and I really really really don't want that to happen to anyone. But I can't just stop being, like, me. I can't stop it from being caring and sweet. It is just me.

I wanted to stop talking to them and any other girl that dms in the future but I just can't. They are all good people and it is really interesting to talk to them and get to know their personalities. I'm not very social with others, and it just feels nice. To talk to other people outside my work environment. To just yap about normal life stuff.

It just feels nice.

Anyways, I might be just paranoid or something, they may even have a crush on someone else or whatever.

Idk, this is just very new to me. I don't even talk to dudes outside work context let alone girls and I genuinely have no idea on what do now.

Anyways, sorry for the long post and I don't even think anyone will read it anyways. But I think I just need to cut here and get back to how I was before. It is fun to talk to them but I can't stop thinking about what will happen if just ONE of them liked me just a little bit. It will be hard for her.