I fell in Love with a JW- but I’m not one
Hi. I don’t know where to begin, these past couple days have been incredibly emotional and hurtful and loving. I’m 18 years old, just finished A-levels, and last year I met this girl, I won’t say her name for her privacy obviously I’ll call her A for this. And I will call myself B.
Since I was a kid, I’ve struggled immensely with loneliness especially, and some depression. Something I’m sure most human beings go through in their life. I also also had some issues with lustful content, when I discovered it when I was around eight years old. This impacted my social abilities, impacted the way I saw woman for sometime, I however am incredibly self-aware and knew how all these things impact and have impacted me. This is all important just so that I can set the scene behind the kind of person I am.
Since I was aware of the struggles that I’ve been as a child and I am still aware of them, I’m also aware of how they impact me as I said. So in my teen years. I always aimed to be the kindest person I could possibly be, because I was also aware that people go through so much and if people acted the way they were towards me, I wouldn’t be here. So anyone I saw who I thought might just need a hand, might need somebody to talk to, to have a friend, I really tried to be that person.
As of last year, I split from my main friend group, into a smaller group, involving the most beautiful person and that was A. Through year 12, this is in the UK by the way, I got to know her a little bit and she seemed like a lovely person. The first time I texted her was to ask her if her, any of our small friend group, wants to go stargazing, watch the meteor shower that was happening. She wanted to, but couldn’t because of her beliefs and her Dad. Not saying I blame them for any reason but it’s just what happened. I sat outside on a metal chair, putting my feet up using one of those indoor blanket boxes because it was comfy. I looked up at the stars, and I’ve been alone for quite some time now, when I was in year seven, I told myself I want to get a date just go out with someone, before GCSE. Somebody I truly wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I asked out four or five woman, well girls really, my age obviously, they said no. After GCSE I went into the same school and said to myself by the end of year 13, I want to be with someone, or at least I’ve gone on a date. Whilst I was stargazing, I saw a meteor, I mean it was like the Northstar sort of bright it really shone as it shot passed, I wished upon that star saying “I wish, by the end of a- levels, I have a girlfriend, and get to be with her for the rest of my life”. That very same day, earlier, the girl I was talking about, the girl I fell for said she had a crush on me. She only told me this an hour ago 23rd June- 2026. So to continue on with the story it’s year 12, moving into year 13, from there we became best friends. I mean we could not be separated, and during this time she had a crush on me and I didn’t know, she thought I was a safe crush, somebody she couldn’t realistically be with. But the more and more time I spent with that woman, the more I started to realise maybe I didn’t like her, maybe it was more. During this time I had already developed a crush on another girl called ST. While I understand for you as the reader this seems contradictory, when I started to question if I had greater feelings for A, I had already had this crush on ST for sometime. So I asked her out she said no. It hurt. but I was sort of expecting it, as it was more of just a plain crush. After I asked out ST. The girl I am now completely in love with reassured me and made sure that I was okay. From there my feelings only grew, I started to really fall in love with her personality, her core beliefs, her beauty, her kind eyes, how shy she was, yet still somehow had the guts to dance in front of so many people. Someone who is shy and everything she did yet sometimes made the boldest statements, how she got worked up over every little things she did wrong, how she tries so hard every day to be the best person she can possibly be, how she tries to do things 100% all the time. I started to really fall in love. At this time, couple months ago. Actually no, last month we had our exams and I screwed up politics and law. Two out of my three subjects, that’s horrendous. Considering I was predicted BBC. and she reassured me. One thing I forgot to mention it before the exams I did actually ask out A- she said no and explained to me incredibly briefly that she couldn’t and that she didn’t want to reject me but she had to. She told me she was a Jehovah’s Witness, I knew she was Christian, I just didn’t know she was a Jehovah’s Witness. At this time, I didn’t fully understand Jehovah’s Witnesses. I’m currently trying. She told me a couple nights ago that when I first asked her out, she bawled and bawled her eyes out to her parents, because she loved me. She didn’t tell them why. She didn’t think they would understand, and she was disappointed in herself for loving me, because as far as I’m aware Jehovah’s Witnesses are taught how to avoid situations like this.
At this part in the story, it’s the end of exams. And prom is on Friday. The 19th of June 2026. When we all arrived at prom, she said she first avoided me because she was in love with me still. At this point I want to note to the reader, that at this time it was a couple months since I asked her out. We were still best friends, always talking. When we first properly look to each other, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She was beautiful. Words couldn’t do her justice. And she said I looked rather handsome. Despite the fact I wasn’t entirely sure about my chocolate brown suit. Looking back now I owned it. Throughout the night we talked, we ate, we danced, together. I was a little drunk, more so tipsy than drunk, when she had had one drink. The night ends, and I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye because her parents were right at the door. I wanted to say goodbye, and give her the biggest hug ever, because tomorrow that being Saturday, she was flying to Spain back to Spain. For two months. Saturday rolls around, I’m at work doing normal things. Day ends. I go home, I messaged A. I talked to her and we talk. I don’t remember how but we got talking about us. I told her all the things I loved about her, then I finally said I love you. There was an incredibly long exchange of love and kindness and excitement.
We said all the things we love about each other, how much I just want to hug her and cuddle her, how much she wanted to do the same. How I just want to give her lots of forehead kisses. And hold her till we fell asleep in each other‘s arms, and she felt the same. She knew at this time, that was against her beliefs and her religion, but she said just for tonight can you be my boyfriend and I’ll be your girlfriend. And we were, this was all over text, as she was at her house and I was at mine. Her parents, not sure if this is all Jehovah’s Witnesses or what, would never allow a boy around so yeah. He confessed how sexy we thought each other were , how much I just wanted to nuzzle into her, I just wanted to rest my head in her lap while she played with my hair. I am a strong and firm believer in no sex before marriage. So there’s nothing of that sort, but it was clear there was desire for each other.
I love her, and I do not want to give up on her or us.
She keeps telling me that she loves me and I keep saying it back because I really do love her, but I’m not a Jehovah’s Witness. I guess I’m writing all of this because I am so scared. Because I really want to be with her, not just to date not just to be boyfriend and girlfriend. I want to be able to say one day, that she’s my wife. I really do love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And I do not say that lightly. But now that we’ve confessed our love, there’s only two ways we can beat together.
- One, I become a Jehovah’s Witness, but I don’t want to be dishonest in my belief in Christianity, and my belief in God. So, to truly become a witness, I’d have to essentially, break up with her, not meet not see not speak not text for however long, for me to be a part of the community. If I do that, I don’t know how long it will take, and there’s a good chance that she will move on. Because, from what I’m aware there are a couple people that would love to be with her, and they would make her happy. I want the best for her, and I want to be part of Christianity. And I know I should love God more, I love her so much though.
- option two, I don’t become a Jehovah’s Witness, I study the Bible and I find God and I learned to love God and I pray to God and I do all things Christian would do, and I follow my beliefs. And me and her remain friends, friends that can’t be lovers. She said to me that she wouldn’t be able to move on, I feel her feelings would dissolve eventually, I know she loves me now I know she does, but I feel they would solve. But I I won’t, she will always have my heart. So I’m stuck at this crossroads.
So, this is where we are. We’re at a crossroads, I don’t talk to her for potentially a couple years. I bump into her, we reignite our spark in our faith and we live happily ever after.
Or, I try to become a witness, but I fail to properly adopt their beliefs. So I don’t become a witness, and I never see her again. At which point that may be the end.
Another possibility of option one, is we break up so to speak and I try to become a Jehovah’s Witness. But I do it in ill faith, where she’s my main motivation not finding God.
Another possibility of option one, is I become a Jehovah’s Witness. Accept all the core values I truly follow God that way but she finds someone else. And my fear of this option or possibility is that if I truly let God into my heart this way, will it be done on the foundational basis of love for her? So in other words, ill faith again. Or a possibility of this possibility is that I live with it and gain a beautiful community.
Option two, we stay friends but we never truly intertwine. Our paths are close but we can never truly love each other. And I’ve already come close to dying of heartbreak my heart screen is failing. I don’t think I could live with that eternal torture of knowing that she’s in my grasp yet so far away.
I hope I pray to God, that there is somebody reading this that can help me because I am scared, incredibly scared, because I don’t think I can actually live my life without her, but I know I cannot do it in ill faith. Is there any alternative? Is there any other way we can be together without taking a risk that could destroy my life? Without taking a risk that can destroy my soul no matter what I choose. I’ve dug myself in a hole, I can’t get out, either way it will be messy, I just hope if I go through all of this pain and suffering and torture and loneliness I pray that this is a test from God. Because I want to end up with her, I feel like I need to. I know there’s gonna be some argument of these other fish in the sea there’s other women for you. She’s my fish. There’s every other fish in the sea she’s the only one I Want. She’s the only one that will probably ever love me back. The only one that I think I can ever actually love. But I know the realistic chance of us being together is unfathomably small. Yet, in my heart and my brain, I know it’s a chance, and if there is a chance for me to be with her, I want to ensure that do not screw up. Is there anyone that can help me? I’ve already prayed to God and she’s already done so for me, for us. I love my honey bug, such a stupid nickname, I love calling her that.