r/Relationships2

I 19F is dating 27M for 1 year. (Yes I know the age gap is controversial but I’m not here for that).

We are very much in love, dedicated to each other, and want to make things work. He is very sweet, would do anything I need, very gentle, kind, and patient. However as time goes on I’m learning he is a man child, his mom is basically in love with him in a incest manner, doesn’t hold him accountable for anything, and his friends doesn’t either.

Most of this relationship has been me TEACHING him what a normal serious relationship is like. When we first started dating he mentioned that he was a secret with his past partners family because they were religious (Muslim and another one I can’t remember) and he was not those things.

His mom would constantly ask him if I’m religious to avoid that problem even when I said I wasn’t. To make him feel welcomed I invited him to my family’s thanksgiving dinner, and he’s basically met half of my family so far. His family (mom, dad, and sister) lives in a different state so I can’t meet them or see them often and for a while I also knew non of his friends. Eventually I met them and it was fun. After that, going on to a year I still barely knew his family except his mom being uncomfortably obsessive over him.

His parents came to visit him this past April, he thought it was a good time to meet, and we did (it didn’t go well at all) long story short I expressed to him how I felt and this is when I realized that he never considers my feelings or the principle of situations. He said I was being harsh, he didn’t get how I experienced what I experienced because everything seemed fine (there’s more to the story but I feel like I’m yapping) there’s been many more situations where his actions with make me feel a particular way (that’s reasonable) I can add more if anyone wants specific situations. But when I communicate it’s like he takes it as an attack, he gets upset, and now I have to comfort him, leaving my feelings behind.

When I expressed this to him he says “I can never do anything right” or “I guess I’m just the terrible person” or with his parents situation he said “you make them seem like they’re monsters” WHEN ALL I DO IS SAY HOW I FEEL IN A NORMAL MANNER it gets to the point that I have to baby talk to him when I’m expressing myself just so he does not say those things to me. When he communicates I always focus on the issue at hand, not bring up my feelings, or say “you always paint me out to be this terrible person”. He also says he can only be empathetic if he can understand my perspective but isn’t empathy the complete opposite of that statement? Even when I can’t understand how he feels I still understand his perspective even if I think it’s silly.

Am I being manipulated? How can I convey to him that I’m simply expressing the principle of the situation and these actions do not make me feel good. We’re currently going through this situation at this very moment and I feel nothing but rage so I need time to collect my thoughts because I’m stuck.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years and until recently I genuinely thought he was the person I was going to marry. We are long distance right now, but apart from this issue, our relationship has honestly been really beautiful. He is my best friend, we have similar values, similar goals, and I genuinely love him deeply.

The issue is porn.

Early in the relationship he watched porn after we had sex while I was literally next door, and it completely broke me. I made it a very clear boundary that porn was not okay for me and that if it happened again I would leave.

A year later I found out he had watched it 3 more times in a week. I almost broke up with him but decided to give him another chance because I genuinely believed he was more than this mistake and he promised he would fully stop and work on himself. he started therapy and everything was going great until now.

a couple days ago I found out it happened again (this is around 7 months from last time it happened). He said he clicked on it but stopped quickly before they started having sex because he felt uncomfortable, but the problem is that he still hid it from me and I had to find out myself by accident again.

At first I was just angry and devastated, but after finally having a long honest conversation with him, I realised this seems much deeper than I originally thought. He admitted this behaviour started very young, around 10 years old, and became a long term habit. He has now joined a porn addiction support group and says he now realises this is an actual addiction/compulsive behaviour issue and not just “bad choices.”

He was very vulnerable with me and told me things he had never told anyone before, including childhood memories and how shameful this all feels for him. I do believe he genuinely loves me and genuinely wants to change. but i do al know that it will probably be a long recovery process and not something magically fixed overnight.

The problem is… I am hurt too.

This whole thing has destroyed my trust and honestly damaged my self-esteem. Hearing about years of obsessing over women’s bodies and porn has made me feel insecure about my own body and scared I’ll never feel “good enough” compared to everything he has watched.

Part of me wants to stay and support him through recovery because I love him and care about him deeply. Another part of me wonders if staying will slowly destroy me emotionally because I am terrified of being hurt like this again.

so I’m not too sure what to do. Cause he is trying to get the help he needs with therapy and the support group, but he also would like to have me by his side.

I guess my question is:
Has anyone been through something similar from either side? Did staying actually work long term? Is it possible to rebuild trust after repeated porn-related lies if the person is genuinely trying to recover? Or is it healthier to leave and let them heal alone?

I would really appreciate honest opinions, especially from people who have actually experienced this themselves.

Tl;dr relationship advice with a porn addict

I feel like I don’t know where to start. I’ve had multiple surgeries in the last few months and a miscarriage. On each occasion my “fiance” has bailed. Each time he claimed having things that he “has to do” such as taking care of belongings in storage sheds, moving vehicles and belongings, just all sorts of endless things that are not really urgent in comparison to post surgery support of a partner. Things really became apparent to me around March this year. I had suspected drug use but wasn’t really sure. Turns out he has a massive meth addiction and his ex who is conveniently an escort is who he’s been turning to for months in our relationship. He attacks me and puts me down and has abused me for most of our relationship. He’s gotten physical like really badly. I feel like an idiot for continually letting him back in. I kept making excuses. He came up recently to be there for my surgery and I thought finally this time he understands what he needs to do. But he still let me down. He abused me less than 48 hours post my surgery attacking me saying I was controlling him and telling him what to do. These were the exact phrases that he would use while he was in contact with the ex who is an escort. He sent me his own bank statements to try to show transparency but in these bank statements show that he’s been on Tinder and spending euros on what I suspect to be porn sites. He sent a video to an escort or some other woman off of chatter bait which I saw. He called me a sneaky bitch for looking through his phone but it was only from me doing that out of suspicion and deep deep deep regret that I had to do that but my gut feeling screaming at me that I found out everything. We temporarily separated at that time and I started dating somebody else. He claimed to have put a app on my phone and that’s how he knew that I met somebody else but then he also said that a little birdie told him. I just don’t know what’s true. And after my recent surgery just bailing on me again claiming that he has things “to do” whilst also talking to me about us getting married and having children, what the fuck kind of crack is he smoking? Do you know what I mean? But I also feel like an idiot because why did I keep believing him. I guess what I’m seeking is some sort of emotional support or validation to help me understand how someone could bail another person in their upmost vulnerable time such as post major surgery. And it’s not my first surgery. I cannot comprehend how another human being can say to somebody that they love you and then bail at the utmost critical times and expect that you could have marriage or children together. I’m just looking for some sort of insight in insanity or disturbance that I’m dealing with. He claims to have ADHD. I don’t think he does. I think he’s learnt to use that as an excuse for using meth. Because there are clinical trials and using meth for ADHD. He doesn’t exhibit traits of ADHD. What he does exhibit our traits of emotional and psychological abuse physical abuse so much domestic violence. I did call the police on him once. Because I loved him and didn’t want to send him to jail I thought it was better that he do a DV course which he enrolled in and did. But he missed my my birthday recently, said he’d make it up to me, then wasn’t even here for the actual surgery, claims he couldn’t bear it if something happened to me, then postsurgery is abusing me verbally and bailing on me which in a sense is a form of abuse and I was bleeding and begging him to help me like I can’t lift anything over 5 kg for 2 to 4 weeks. And I said could you please mow the lawn in my house that he was staying in for free. Could you please help out with moving a few things and he laughed at me when I was crying and saying why do you keep treating me so badly. And I said do you just not want to be here and he said yes I wanna be down there referring to the Gold Coast. And so I left. I just left him. And then the next day when I came back trying to repair with some breakfast in a note stating the boundaries that I needed he was gone. No no no phone call no nothing. Just a sook email blaming me for leaving him there alone. He was upset that he was left alone when I was post surgery needing to be cared for. Someone please help me so that I don’t feel completely insane.

My husband recently graduated with his masters and I shared my plans with his sister to buy him a necklace because he did not have one and to ask in the country she’s in how much gold is because I wanted to see if I’d be cheaper. I also asked her not to tell anyone. She then ghosted me for 2 weeks and two days before my mother in law and father in now are headed to the states she call me and tell me that she didn’t have time to check so she asked them instead. She also tells me that his mom got him the necklace instead. The same necklace I had already custom ordered off Etsy for him. 😭 she then presented it to him the morning of his graduation, I assume to make sure I don’t get to him first with my necklace and make a huge fuss about it. It is not 3 days later and I haven’t given him the necklace I got and idk how to approach the situation while still making sure he knows how crazy she acted without making him feel the need to defend her. Any tips?

I (24/M) am in the Army and I am stationed in Fort Campbell KY. I get out of the army in a few months so I went ahead and bought a house with my wife (25/F) where we’re both from in Texas. So currently we’re long distance. I recently bought her a car, a Kia K5 2025 specifically. She really loves in and is buying so many accessories for the car, she’s been posting it on her social media as she wants to get attention for it. Some guy invited her to a car group for Kia’s or KDM in general, and gets invited to go to Car meets. I told her I didn’t know how to feel about that. As the car group is predominately guys. So she’s going to go to car meets with a bunch of new guys she doesn’t know, and my wife is absolutely beautiful and I didn’t know how to feel about that. I told her and she was upset and called me insecure, sure I was a bit over reactive, given the fact that our marriage is already pretty rocky and pretty much dead, and im seeing this as her chance to find someone else to move on with. So she went and started going. A bit of back story im getting out of the army medically and getting targeted snd harassed by my leadership for it, aka my life is currently hell, im super stressed, anxious, and paranoid. And all while that, she’s going out with other people to Car meets, and i feel so left out. I let her know, and again gets upset and calls me insecure again. At this point I have a way into her socials, and access to her Gmail. Which I then go into without her permission to make sure nothings going on. Eventually she finds out I did and gets extremely upset, which is an understatement. I told her I wouldn’t invade her privacy again, we moved on, she kept going to meets every weekend, and I had no idea what was going on. We barely talked during the week. She told me about this guy named Michael and how he bought her a drink, and how multiple guys called her cute. She even started wearing makeup up and lashes, which she’s only done once for me ever in the span of our relationship.. Eventually out of a panic attack I go into her phone again breaking my promise of not doing that again. Idiotic mistake. But she finds out I did it again, and goes livid. Fast forward to recent events, I finally went on leave for 11 days and I’m now in Texas with her. And the first few days were nice, but I notice she spends so much time talking to her group chat. To the point where I go out and find my own thing to do because she’s so preoccupied with them. Since I’ve been down here she’s taken me to a few meets, and so far it’s been pretty good. I had fun, I’m feeling more secure about the situation. But now I don’t like how she talks so much to them and preoccupies herself so much so that I often have to find something to do by myself. I also notice how she talks to them vs how she talks to me, she talks to them with flavor, emojis, reaction pictures, excitement and happiness. When she texts me it’s straight forward and business. That’s something else I don’t like. And how I’ve told her before I’d like if she reacted or replied to the reels/tiktoks I send her and she said she just doesn’t do that. But she’s reacting and commenting to every single reel this group chat sends… she leaves me on delivered as she’s texting them… I feel so left out, I feel so unimportant, I feel so unseen. She gets super upset whenever I try to bring that up, and calls me insecure. What do I do??

TL;DR Wife has new car group she seems to value over me

Hello everyone. I just broke up with my girl yesterday. We were only dating for 3 months when I started finding out she was talking to her ex. When I first brought it up we almost broke up. She stayed calling me insecure. I set a boundary and told her if I caught her doing it again I’d leave her. Fast forward two weeks, and I come to find out she has an alternate Snapchat account and was texting him the day after I set the boundary. When I was trying to leave after telling her it’s over, she offered to let me see the messages for “closure”. In these messages she’s laughing at the possibility of me leaving with a chump of an ex she has, telling him “i don’t want to leave solely because of what he can bring to my future” or stuff along the lines of “DOBBY IS FREE” after I tried to leave the first time.

She’s adamant on trying to make things work but I don’t know if I can trust her. She’s saying all the right things now and is showing me actual emotion for the first time in weeks, but I can’t even trust her tears at this point. The only reason I take her semi-seriously is because she didn’t cheat physically. What do I do?

I am a deep lover and empath. I feel unloved when my boyfriend falls asleep when we’re having important discussions about our relationship.

It hurts me alot that he does this and makes me feel anxious. I tend to spam call and spiral as if im panicking.

Never experienced panicking before. Only in this relationship.

He treats me like a princess but does this….

Cant tell if he truly loves me

I (22F) recently got married to my husband (33M) after dating for 4 years. We are completely fine and happy together, but his mother is an absolute nightmare. She is a manipulative, narcissistic bitch, and I am at my absolute wit's end.

To give you an idea of what she’s like: before we got married, she literally threatened my parents, telling them that if they didn't get me married to her son right then, she would just find someone else for him to marry. We had already been together for four years at that point! It was pure manipulation and an awful way to start this chapter of our lives.

Now that the wedding has passed and we are officially married, she has immediately moved on to her next demand: she is aggressively forcing the issue of having a grandson.

I am only 22. I am not ready, and I refuse to be bullied into major life decisions by this woman. My husband and I are solid, but dealing with her toxicity is exhausting. How do I set hard boundaries with a narcissistic MIL who thinks she can dictate our lives?

On again off again for 1 year. Me 39F him 40m. Relationship on and off one year

This is the fourth time you’ve dropped me off to work and when I’ve asked you to pick me up you tell me to get an uber and all of your stuff is gone and you have my car without any warning or conversation to be had. Then I call and call and call cause what else do I do in that situation only to be blocked or for you to be too busy or on the phone with someone else to answer the phone for an urgent issue.
On top of that you insist upon managing the funds so I give them to you trusting you with them knowing I need the funds to take care of things down here the bills and food and household needs. And I’m left with barely any money when you do that and I still have to meet my obligations like rent, phone, car, internet, car insurance. And incur the added expense of uber rides to work twice a day and have to have my urgent needs delivered. I have no one I can call or rely upon to assist me when I’m behind. It’s me and only me. I’ve been clear about that.

You left me without my car for 4 months all citing my behavior. How the heck am I supposed to be in this situation.

I don’t feel any love or care about me. No one who loves me could ever do these things to me. I gave you all I have to give.

Even before we got to Alabama and I was getting evicted from my room because I was allowing you to stay there you were with here in NY without a care in the world and all the weight was place on me.

You had it made. I worked. You did what you wanted to do all day. You were always the priority. I woke up and made you breakfast and made sure you had lunch while I worked to fuel your body. I came home you went to the gym in my car for 3-5 hours while I stayed home and provided dinner when you returned.

Am i asking too much?

I learned from Facebook posts my ex’s wife’s mom posted of their wedding that the date they got married is the same day my ex messaged me very angrily demanding I go to the bathroom and lift up my shirt and send him a photo of my chest. He messaged me saying send him photos and hurry up because he doesn’t have all day and he said for me to not expect princess treatment from him because I won’t be getting that when I asked him to speak to me more respectfully..I felt sick to my stomach seeing that he got married the same day so he literally messaged me this right before walking down the isle. I know his wife won’t believe me tho because I no longer have the messages because my ex was sending me inappropriate photos and I deleted them and the chats. Weeks prior he messaged me and I knew he was engaged but didn’t know the wedding date and when he messaged the previous time he was being very vague and said he could tell (because apparently he’s a mind reader and is always correct smh) that I’m not happy in my relationship with my bf and he said he is not happy with his fiance and I need to choose. He didn’t say choose what or what he meant but I sort of pieced together what he meant and I told him I love my bf. I feel horrible holding onto this information but they already got married and so maybe I should leave it alone..so I don’t get into any drama..he stalked me for years on/off after we broke up sending me cryptic messages from spam numbers and showing up places I didn’t tell him where I would be at also..and he has stalked at least one other girl we went to college with…I told his wife’s sister about the stalking part and she just blocked me and then the wedding still happened but I know she told his wife’s because my ex messaged me all angry several months later saying he wished I didn’t talk bad about him online when I should know he would never do that about me…March 2025 is when they got married but I feel immense guilt and have stalked her socials. She is super pretty and appears to be well rounded lots of friends and close family and lots of hobbies..I’m afraid to mess things up for her…what would you do in my situation?

TLDR: ex messaged me demanding nudes the day of his wedding but I didn’t find out until a couple weeks later it was his wedding day. His wife doesn’t know and I feel guilty that she married him not knowing he did this. What would you do in this situation?

Some background: I went through a devastating marriage that ended in multiple pregnancy losses and then discovering my husband was arranging to meet his ex for sex. Eight months after my divorce, I invited an old friend — a single dad raising his 15-month-old daughter alone — to a family dinner. That little girl and I clicked instantly.
We eventually started dating, he moved in, and she became my daughter in every way that matters. Raising her has been the greatest gift of my life and everyone who knows her says she’s an exceptional, caring, grateful kid. I’d like to think I had something to do with that.
The problem is her father.
He has extreme mood swings, I can’t speak my mind about politics religion or anything in interested in and over the years has become aggressive and physically violent with me like grabbing me. I’ve stayed because I love her and I’ve been determined to be a stable, protective presence in her life. But I’m miserable.
Every time I try to leave, he tells me I’ll never see her again — and he says it in front of her. I feel completely held captive.
Here’s the legal piece: I consulted with attorneys and I can legally become her mother — but only if I marry him. I believe he structured it that way deliberately.
I don’t want to marry this man. I want out. But I also can’t walk away from her, and I genuinely worry about what his mood and temper will mean for her if I’m not there.
So I’m stuck between two impossible options:
• Leave, lose her, and worry about what she’s exposed to without me there
• Stay, keep being abused, and model a toxic dynamic for the child I’m trying to protect
Has anyone navigated anything like this legally or emotionally? I’m in the US. Any insight — legal angles I haven’t considered, how others have handled the grief of this kind of loss, anything — would mean a lot right now.

Seems only fair, no? Especially when they try taking all you’ve worked so hard for and spent all her retirement savings and goes for yours?

So this 43 year old man who is recently divorced has been dating me for 2.5 mos. We do all the relationship stuff, cook together, gym sesh, his kid stays the night at my house, go out in public together, obviously sleep together. Then he hits me with you can date other people, I don’t want to be stopping you, I’m not ready for a relationship and neither are you!! I have not responded to the text at all. Wow! Caught me off gaurd in the words of Cher from clueless As if! I really like him but I should completely call it quits?! I mean he doesn’t want the label and he doesn’t care enough about me to apparently be able to date others! Ouch! Any advice please. Thanks