r/Relationships2

My boyfriend has this oversized sectional couch that him and his ex got. Nobody can sit on the couch as it is broken in three different spots. I want to get rid of the couch as I got chairs and a table to redo the living room and he loves them. I have asked him a few times to get rid of the couch or dispose of it or get it out of the house in some type of manner. It is now been over two months and nothing has happened. I am at the point of where I’m ready to just physically do it myself I don’t know if he’s having a mental block or something else but I’m wondering if AITAH for wanting to take this upon myself after two months of him not doing anything to make this change in the house that we are slowly beginning to make ours.. I would love to just bring it to the garbage dump, but it is too expensive for me at the moment to do that so I’m wondering also if maybe I should just put an ad out to see if somebody would want it as it could be broken down for good firewood or if somebody had the time they could actually fix the frame very easily. The couch for our space is just way too big and I’m ready to get rid of it and every other piece of his ex in the house.

My boyfriend (26M) and I (24F) have been together for about a year. Overall, our relationship is great. He treats me really well, communicates well, makes me feel loved, and we’ve talked seriously about marriage/kids. His family has also been wonderful to me and we just took a trip to Tampa.

I’ve never had a reason to think he’s cheating and still don’t think he is. Early in our relationship, I noticed a female coworker (I’ll call her Sabrina) was one of his recent contacts. He had previously given me his phone passcode before this (which I never asked for) and I gave him mine. Now I know I shouldn’t have, but I looked through their text messages because I felt insecure.

Most of what I saw was her being pretty flirtatious. She used 😘 emojis, called him pet names, played iMessage games with him, sent good morning and good night texts, and occasionally asked him to hang out. From what I saw, he usually responded normally or would bring me up.

I brought it up to him calmly because it made me uncomfortable. He was extremely upset that I had gone through his phone and felt I had violated his privacy. I apologized, and he changed his passcode. He explained that she’s older than him (around 37), has two kids and a boyfriend, and that she’s just naturally flirty with everyone at work. He also said he is not attracted to her at all, just someone who is cool to talk to.

For context, I have more of an “open phone” mindset in relationships, while he believes phones are private. He is free to look in my phone or use it at any time (but he says he’s not into that). My thoughts are that if you are planning to spend your life with someone, it’s understandable to want to make sure they are being true to you - so long as you’re not obsessive and looking through it every single day - more like a once in a blue moon thing.

I didn’t think about this coworker at all for months. Fast forward to now - recently I happened to notice the 💦 emoji in his recently used emojis, while he was showing me something on his phone. I realize he hasn’t sent it to me in 6 months.

I know this wasn’t right, but my curiosity got the better of me again and I checked his Apple Watch, just looking at Sabrina’s text thread.

I saw messages from her like:

“I’m gonna sit next to you and rub your hair when your girlfriend isn’t looking.”

“Gianna looked surprised when I hugged you earlier today.”

(Gianna is a different coworker who he actually does not enjoy and he doesn’t respond to her texts at all).

Or she’d ask him to come with her to certain events. I didn’t have time to read much else, but from what I saw, again he wasn’t really flirting back. He still mentioned me at times, but he also continued talking to her afterwards. The part that hurt me was the sneaky comment.

It’s one thing if someone flirts with you at work, whatever. But when someone knows you’re in a relationship and makes comments about touching you “when your girlfriend isn’t looking,” especially over text and outside work hours, that feels disrespectful to me.

For comparison, I recently had a male coworker get my number from a WhatsApp group chat. At first the conversation was normal, but he eventually became inappropriate even though he knew I had a boyfriend. I immediately told my boyfriend about it. He asked if I blocked the guy or if I liked the attention, so I blocked him out of respect for our relationship.

Now, my boyfriend is not spineless. He’s not one to put up with bullsh*t from people and always speaks his mind/sets boundaries. There have been other women who’ve tried to flirt with him, like a woman he went on a date with before he met me, and he always shut it down and mentioned it to me.

I’m not going to confront my boyfriend or blow up my relationship over this because he really is a great guy, and I don’t currently believe he’s cheating on me. I do think he enjoys the attention to some extent.

I’m mostly wondering if I’m overreacting, or if it’s reasonable to feel this way. I also want to learn how I can stop worrying. Going forward, I will no longer snoop either because I know it upsets him.

TLDR: My boyfriend seems to be entertaining a female coworker who flirts with him over text. Though he doesn’t flirt back, he still engages. AIO by feeling uncomfortable?

about 3 months ago i (20f) left a very toxic 1 and a half year old relationship with my ex girlfriend(20f), it took me 8 months and many tries to leave but i’m proud to have done it. as much as being out of this relationship has done wonders for me, i can’t seem to let go of the resentment i have for this person. I feel very wronged by them and resentful of how they treated me still, which is something i really want to let go of but i’m really struggling to see it any other way. it’s not been made easier by the fact it was an incredibly traumatic breakup involving her screaming at my family after turning up to my house in the middle of the night and me having to call an ambulance for her as she had given me reason to worry for her safety. she has made many many attempts to contact me after the breakup and i’ve literally had to block her on everything you can possibly think of. she even hacked into my online shopping account and was messaging sellers of joke/rude r shirts (something that scared me and i’ve had to change all my passwords) ,has emailed me rick roll links and has been sending me songs on spotify so i’ve even had to block her there! 

it’s hard to try forget her when she’s trying to cling onto every part of my life she can, she’s been attempting to weasel into my friend groups and has been non stop messaging some of my closest friends to the point they’ve even had to block her too! something she never did in the relationship (in fact a point if contention in our relationship was that she never tried to get on with any of my friends and actively ignored them which makes this even more out of character!) a week or two ago i saw her walk right past my flat with one of her friends, a place that is no where near where she lives and that she has no business being near, this scared me and felt like a massive violation.

during the actual relationship a massive issue was the constant ignoring of my boundaries, in lots of ways but particularly about space, i am autistic and need time to decompress by myself and do my hobbies and have solitary quiet time most days for at LEAST an hour or two in order to function day to day (pretty normal right?!). my ex wouldn’t be able to understand my need for occasional space and always took it as a personal attack no matter how many times i explained that it wasn’t personal and just how i function. she would ignore these boundaries anyway and turn up to my flat uninvited and without warning at all hours (another thing i can’t deal with that she knew about) during my quiet time disrupting my routines and would get very angry when i wasn’t happy/enthusiastic to see her and didn’t see needing time to decompress as a good enough reason not to be with her all the time. eventually i stopped having this time to myself and let my boundary be overtaken, and we started spending 24/7 together which was her absolute ideal but was something that made me lose touch with myself completely and get incredibly burnt out.

 (during the last month or so of our relationship i tried to put those boundaries back up firmly and they where bulldozed over yet again, which helped me understand i needed to leave her and that it was becoming slightly emotionally abusive with help from my amazing best friend and from my therapist)
what she’s doing now after the breakup feels like a continuation of this same thing i had to deal with the whole relationship of having her ignore my boundaries and i’m SO fed up that i’m not free of having to deal with the same issue. 

it’s feeling like a violation and lack of respect and ignoring clear boundaries. i’ve had to message one of her close friends several times to ask her to ask my ex to stop doing these things, so she must know that she’s doing something wrong. 
it feels like the same cycle and i just want to be free of her! 

i feel like listing all this that she’s done before and since the breakup is me trying to justify my resentment, and prove that she’s in the wrong, which i feel exhausted by but i keep on find myself doing! 

during our relationship i fell into a depression due to the burnout i think that i’ve still not managed to get myself out of, and a part of me blames her for that too, which i know probably isn’t fair. (i have been going to therapy and started antidepressants so i am trying hard to get myself out of this funk instead of just stewing in it) 

a part of me wonders if this anger that i’m feeling towards her is healthy as most of my life and most of the relationship i’ve people pleased and i let things slide that i absolutely shouldn’t have done (her telling me that she wished i didn’t exist and me staying for months after that) and that this anger is a justified response to what i’ve been through and is ultimately much more beneficial than feeling sorry for myself instead, i can’t work out if it’s good that i’m feeling this pissed off-ness or if it’s going to just hurt me and turn me bitter.
 
on top of this i’ve been having dreams that we are still together, which break my heart as i did really love her and even though i do not want to be back together with her whatsoever i feel like my subconscious hasn’t moved on. perhaps from the amount of times she’s won me back i feel like she’s inevitable in my life and i’ll always have to put up with her and i have no choice and come back.
which makes me upset because i absolutely genuinely don’t want anything to do with her anymore and i really do want to focus on feeling better and wish that i’d never have to see her again (unfortunately unlikely as we are in the same university).
how do i stop harbouring this victim mentality and stop feeling so wronged and continually pissed off? will it come with time as it’s only been 3 months since the breakup? or is that long enough i should be over this all by now! 

or do i need to reframe how i’m thinking about all of this. i just want to be left alone by her but her constant attempts to get back into my life/annoy me jolt my nervous system so much that i feel like it’s setting me back

My partner and I have been together 3 years. We moved in together about a year and a half ago.

I was in Nursing school full time and he works 40+ hours a week. Deciding to cohabitate made the most sense for our relationship financially and for quality spent together. We genuinely enjoyed being around one another and were together almost all the time anyway.

My stress level was high (I also have diagnosed MDD and GAD) and it increased as I neared graduation, and I ultimately failed out of my last semester.

Fast forward to now….I will be returning to school soon and my partner has said that he would rather I not attend school at all, or that we need to live separately again due to the fact that I don’t handle my stress and anxiety well which causes him to “feel as if he is going to break”

He wants to continue our relationship- but I don’t see how or why if he can’t handle being in the same
space with me. I love him dearly, he’s my best friend- but my feelings are very hurt.

We are in the midst of moving into two separate apartments about 20 minutes from one another.

We have physically been separated for 48 hours and we are both struggling emotionally with it, although this is what he said he wanted.

So, what are your thoughts? Is it possible to survive this?

I'm writing this as unbiased as possible from my perspective. I'm not perfect and I know I've made mistakes too, but I feel insane and I need a reality check.

Please give me your brutally honest opinions on what has happened in the last 24 hours.

In my ~ 14 month relationship, there is a recurring issue where I feel blamed and emotionally unsafe during conflict (despite his own admission that he hasn't treated me properly), and I just need to vent what happened last night.

I'm exhausted and feel worn down. I need help. My sister says this is how is was when she was with an abuser and I need to LEAVE.

The night before last he got drunk with friends, despite previously saying he wanted to avoid drinking - as he is currently going through active valium withdrawals. At 3am he woke me up with multiple messages saying he'd drunk a lot, was staying at a hotel, and our plans for the next day were now unclear. I felt anxious and disappointed. I expressed as much, which created conflict as he thought I should have said "silly you, it's all good, take care" - I do realise I shouldn't have engaged til morning. The next day (yesterday), we kept modified plans and I drove him 40min to meet his friend, and I later found out he'd had 15-20 drinks and almost no sleep the night before.

While driving, there were road closures and maps kept rerouting, so he was giving directions. I asked three times where I was supposed to go and got no answer. Eventually, frustrated and with cars waiting on me at a roundabout, I raised my voice and said, "Where do I go!?"

He got extremely angry and demanded an immediate apology. I wanted understanding, saying I hadn't yelled AT him, I was frustrated after being ignored multiple times, but was repeatedly spoken over and yelled at. It was madness.

This escalated, and I parked after missing a turn - he continued to yell "you have a choice - either you FIX THIS or I'm leaving, I don't care anymore, FIX IT. I don't care."

I said "if you don't care about this or me, just fuck off". He got out of the car and walked away. I sat parked for a few minutes, then made my way to our destination. In the time I had parked and found him, he had called his brother and told his friends the situation - because he was "panicking" about being yelled at and kicked out of my car.

He said he'd speak to me, but away from his best friend - I said it's fine, might be good to have an outside perspective. He refused, telling me I couldn't say hello to them without fixing things first. I went to say hi anyway, then went back to talk to him - he was seething that I'd said hello first. He spoke at me for 10 minutes, wouldn't let me speak, and if I tried I was spoken over. He said the only thing I could do to salvage the night was apologise, which I did - he said it wasn't sincere. He continued to berate me, and people were starting to look at us. I said speak to me like a human you care about, maybe we should do this with your friends so others can see how you speak to me.... if not, I'll go back to your friends anyway, and watch the football as planned, while you calm down.

I walked away, he called out once and I kept walking. He later claims he was yelling my name repeatedly, but I heard it once - we were in a busy sports club. I was on the verge of tears, apologised to his friends and said I just wanted to watch the game, and I'm worried about him but there wasn't any convo, he's just being aggressive and inflammatory. He came, told me to leave, I said I'd move to a different area if he wanted, but he said no and left to walk home.

I picked him up and tried to calm him down. I was super gentle, soothing and said the night can still be ok, I want him to feel better, whatever he needs. He was quiet, and I encouraged him to share his thoughts. He said he felt "like an energy vampire sucking the positivity from everyone" and everything was ruined. I told him he is going through withdrawals and the reaction was big, we'd had a fight, but nothing world-ending, if he could calm down and admit he wasn't feeling well, his friend would understand and we could have a good night, no one would judge him, it's okay. These situations have happened before and he dwells in shame after the fact, apologising and realising the reaction was disproportionate, so I tried to help him change this and turn it around, before the whole night was over.

I apologised again for raising my voice, and I apologised for taking so long to apologise. He said it wasn't a proper apology because I "missed 3 steps - I hadn't told him how my behaviour would change, I didn't sit in how he felt and I didn't thank him for listening". He said I have no grace for "his mistake" - not giving directions when I'd asked 3 times cos he was tired, but when I said "I also deserve grace for the mistake of yelling in frustration after being ignored" - he just got angrier.

Instead of calming down, he then escalated further. He repeatedly blamed me for ruining the whole night, for embarrassing him in front of his friends, and became increasingly hostile. I tried to de-escalate again and again, suggested we still go and enjoy the evening and talk later, and spent a lot of time trying to comfort him because he was spiralling emotionally. Nothing worked, even things he has told me repeatedly would help in these moments.

His brother and friend called at separate times, and he spoke calmly and normally. Most was in his native language (so I couldn't understand) but I heard his brother talking about "ending the suffering" (i.e. break up with me). I asked why he spoke respectfully to them, but became hostile again as soon as he spoke to me afterwards. He said "because they didn't fking piss me the FK off tonight and ruin the whole night and my time with my friend - YOU DID".

He asked me to take him to his friend to eat. I said I'm starving too after not eating all day, and as I had encouraged him to contact his friend again so we could all salvage the night I thought it was fair to still be included - but he wanted me to drop him off and leave - which felt intentionally hurtful.

He repeatedly brought up past issues, including things I thought were safe topics and had said in vulnerability. He shamed me for asking for reassurance before meeting his friend, even though I get social anxiety and he has abandoned me in social situations in the past... I thought he'd understand anxiety as it's the reason he began taking valium, but it was weaponised against me as if I'd burdened him by admitting I was nervous and wanted support.

I was crying and drove him near his house to meet his friend, he feigned care, saying "let me drive, you can't drive if you're crying like this" (after I dropped him home, I had to drive 40min back to mine, at night and in the rain. I said "if you cared, you wouldn't let me cry like this over such a ridiculous situation". He kept saying "you just want to make out that I'm a terrible guy" and wouldn't let up, going on and on and on that it was my fault.

I yelled then, saying "I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE, LEAVE ME ALONE", at which he got out of the car and said, "I hope you can see how you've ruined everything tonight." I sat in the car crying for 30min, on the side of the road with my hazards on, then went home.

What is confusing me is that the entire conflict seems to have started because I raised my voice once after not getting an answer to a question I'd asked repeatedly.

From my perspective, I made a minor mistake and apologised for it, but was then treated as though I had committed some major betrayal. I tried to put it aside multiple times and repair, so we could have a good night, but he wouldn't allow this.

His reaction ruined the night, but I am being blamed for everything, was yelled at, and was left feeling completely responsible for his emotions.

Any and all thoughts are welcome.

I'm struggling. I've been looking up emotional abuse for a few months and I'm fairly sure that's what is happening, but of course I'm doubting myself.

A month ago my psychologist said she has watched me self-reflect and try different things to improve our conflict, to no avail and no benefit to myself. She advised I leave, after repeated lies (his own admissions), receiving scraps of affection, zero celebratory events in 14months (always an excuse), no follow through on promises, inconsistency, and constant emotional turmoil - he is not bringing anything to my life and my mental health is suffering.

I do love him as a person, and I want the best for him. I suggested a few weeks ago that we stop talking so he can deal with his substance abuse issues without stress, and he freaked out and said no, being apart is the last thing he wants.

I feel like I've done everything I can to forgive his shortcomings, offer grace, support and love him. But I can't even be given a shred of understanding for raising my voice in frustration? It feels impossible.

So the other day was my graduation and as I’m leaving, I see my friend and we talk in the right as I’m leaving. She pulls me in and whispers to me that she had the biggest crush on me throughout the whole year and that I didn’t have to give her an answer right away, but we had the whole summer to figure out what to do. I’d like to before couple months ago, but I brushed it away since she was friendly and very affectionate with other people, and I thought that I was just making it all up in my head. But now that I actually know that she does like me. I don’t know what to do. It’s been three days since then.
Please help I would really appreciate it or any advice

I (21 female) know this is probably going to sound horrible to some people, but I genuinely need outside opinions because I still don't know if what we did was the right choice.

My partner (22 male)and I have been together for four years. We met when we were young, fell hard for each other, and honestly in almost every other aspect, our relationship was amazing. We were best friends always supporting each other and what we wanted. We rarely fought, shared the same goals, and genuinely loved spending time together.

There was just one major problem our sex life or lack there of. From the very beginning, the sexual chemistry just wasn't there. I tried to convince myself it would improve with time because I loved him so much and we’d know each other more, but after two years together nothing had changed. We talked about it countless times, tried different things, communicated openly and put in effort but it still felt forced and unsatisfying for me.

Eventually, resentment started building I hated admitting it because it felt shallow, but intimacy is so so important to me. After two years the issue had become so big that we ended up breaking up.
We stayed separated for about a year.
During that year apart, I’d slept w/ other people casually (only once or twice). I had only been with two people before my bf so I don't have a huge sexual history. Even while single, I only slept with limited people during our breakup. Ironically, despite technically being single and having every right to do so, it still felt wrong like cheating. I felt guilty the entire time, almost like I was cheating to the point where I got physically sick, which made me realize I was never really okay w/ this.
Neither of us had found anyone we connected with emotionally the way we connected with each other. That's when we had a very difficult conversation about sex.
We both acknowledged that our relationship had ended because of our sexual incompatibility, not because we didn't love each other. And I am not taking just not enough but no before or after that if yk what I mean, in a total of 5 mins.After months of discussions we agreed to get back together under one condition… we would have an open relationship, but only on my side.
The arrangement was entirely his idea because he knew the lack of sexual compatibility had been devastating for me, and he didn't want us to lose what we had over it again.
We've now been back together for a while another 2 years ish, and honestly, our relationship is stronger than ever emotionally. But every time I I’d actually have the opportunity to act on the agreement, I still feel guilty even though I have his full permission and support. To the point where they(affair partner) called late at night and he found out( months ago) which had minimum to low reaction.I've only been with two people since we opened the relationship, and both times I felt sick afterward like I had cheated on the person I love most. Also, ish 30 years what will I can about most emotionally sex.
So now I'm wondering if I should still feel guilty despite having permission, does that mean this arrangement isn't right for me? Or is guilt just something that takes time to work through in non-traditional relationships?
If anyone has experienced something similar please need help tl:dr?s

When P and I started dating, I noticed a few things that were different about him, different than anyone else I had ever dated. The biggest thing I noticed at the start was that he wasn’t hypersexual in the way a lot of men are, in my experience. He never asked me for nudes or even brought up sex, and since we had just started dating I just thought that he was a gentleman. Then, the first time we tried to hook up he couldn’t get hard and I thought okay, he’s just really nervous and it’s getting the best of him. And from that point, we started having sex (successfully) and it was always really good. Hands down best I’ve ever had. But here comes our issue: my libido is higher than his. I didn’t quite realize it at the start, but as I mentioned, there were clues. I’m not trying to be stereotypical here, but in my experience, the man always wants sex more than the woman. But in my relationship it’s not like that. I think about sex a lot, multiple times a day. And I mean fck I’m 24, I should be having sex multiple times a week. But we do it once a week, at best. I’ve brought it up multiple times, I’ve told him that I feel like he would just be okay without sex, like if we weren’t having it at all it would be no big deal. And he always swears that’s not true, that he enjoys it. So I ask why we aren’t doing it more? “I don’t know”. It’s always “I don’t know” or “I’m sorry”. And I’m so tired of hearing that. I’m tired of not having enough sex, I’m tired of being the one asking for it, I’m tired of not feeling that desire, the passion. I love this man so much and he treats me so well and when we have sex, it’s amazing. We just don’t do it enough. I think it’s partly because it’s so hard for him to open up, sometimes I feel like I don’t even REALLY know the man I’ve been with for over two years now. I don’t think he’s even fully comfortable with himself or really knows who he is. So how are we going to be open and vulnerable in the bedroom when he can’t even open up to me on the couch? I feel im reaching a point where I don’t think this will ever change, and like maybe I should leave so we can be with people better suited to our wants in a partner. The problem is he always seems so happy with me. And I love him so much, when I think about breaking up it hurts my heart. But I also want to spend the rest of my life with someone who wants to be open and deep with me, someone who desires me for my connection emotionally and physically and who can give themselves to me fully. I want that person to be him more than anything, but I don’t think you can really change those types of fundamental things about yourself, and I also don’t want him to change himself for me if he’s happy being the way he is. But we get along so well, I feel like he’s my family. So if I leave, what if I regret it?

Hi. I don’t know where to begin, these past couple days have been incredibly emotional and hurtful and loving. I’m 18 years old, just finished A-levels, and last year I met this girl, I won’t say her name for her privacy obviously I’ll call her A for this. And I will call myself B.

Since I was a kid, I’ve struggled immensely with loneliness especially, and some depression. Something I’m sure most human beings go through in their life. I also also had some issues with lustful content, when I discovered it when I was around eight years old. This impacted my social abilities, impacted the way I saw woman for sometime, I however am incredibly self-aware and knew how all these things impact and have impacted me. This is all important just so that I can set the scene behind the kind of person I am.

Since I was aware of the struggles that I’ve been as a child and I am still aware of them, I’m also aware of how they impact me as I said. So in my teen years. I always aimed to be the kindest person I could possibly be, because I was also aware that people go through so much and if people acted the way they were towards me, I wouldn’t be here. So anyone I saw who I thought might just need a hand, might need somebody to talk to, to have a friend, I really tried to be that person.

As of last year, I split from my main friend group, into a smaller group, involving the most beautiful person and that was A. Through year 12, this is in the UK by the way, I got to know her a little bit and she seemed like a lovely person. The first time I texted her was to ask her if her, any of our small friend group, wants to go stargazing, watch the meteor shower that was happening. She wanted to, but couldn’t because of her beliefs and her Dad. Not saying I blame them for any reason but it’s just what happened. I sat outside on a metal chair, putting my feet up using one of those indoor blanket boxes because it was comfy. I looked up at the stars, and I’ve been alone for quite some time now, when I was in year seven, I told myself I want to get a date just go out with someone, before GCSE. Somebody I truly wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I asked out four or five woman, well girls really, my age obviously, they said no. After GCSE I went into the same school and said to myself by the end of year 13, I want to be with someone, or at least I’ve gone on a date. Whilst I was stargazing, I saw a meteor, I mean it was like the Northstar sort of bright it really shone as it shot passed, I wished upon that star saying “I wish, by the end of a- levels, I have a girlfriend, and get to be with her for the rest of my life”. That very same day, earlier, the girl I was talking about, the girl I fell for said she had a crush on me. She only told me this an hour ago 23rd June- 2026. So to continue on with the story it’s year 12, moving into year 13, from there we became best friends. I mean we could not be separated, and during this time she had a crush on me and I didn’t know, she thought I was a safe crush, somebody she couldn’t realistically be with. But the more and more time I spent with that woman, the more I started to realise maybe I didn’t like her, maybe it was more. During this time I had already developed a crush on another girl called ST. While I understand for you as the reader this seems contradictory, when I started to question if I had greater feelings for A, I had already had this crush on ST for sometime. So I asked her out she said no. It hurt. but I was sort of expecting it, as it was more of just a plain crush. After I asked out ST. The girl I am now completely in love with reassured me and made sure that I was okay. From there my feelings only grew, I started to really fall in love with her personality, her core beliefs, her beauty, her kind eyes, how shy she was, yet still somehow had the guts to dance in front of so many people. Someone who is shy and everything she did yet sometimes made the boldest statements, how she got worked up over every little things she did wrong, how she tries so hard every day to be the best person she can possibly be, how she tries to do things 100% all the time. I started to really fall in love. At this time, couple months ago. Actually no, last month we had our exams and I screwed up politics and law. Two out of my three subjects, that’s horrendous. Considering I was predicted BBC. and she reassured me. One thing I forgot to mention it before the exams I did actually ask out A- she said no and explained to me incredibly briefly that she couldn’t and that she didn’t want to reject me but she had to. She told me she was a Jehovah’s Witness, I knew she was Christian, I just didn’t know she was a Jehovah’s Witness. At this time, I didn’t fully understand Jehovah’s Witnesses. I’m currently trying. She told me a couple nights ago that when I first asked her out, she bawled and bawled her eyes out to her parents, because she loved me. She didn’t tell them why. She didn’t think they would understand, and she was disappointed in herself for loving me, because as far as I’m aware Jehovah’s Witnesses are taught how to avoid situations like this.

At this part in the story, it’s the end of exams. And prom is on Friday. The 19th of June 2026. When we all arrived at prom, she said she first avoided me because she was in love with me still. At this point I want to note to the reader, that at this time it was a couple months since I asked her out. We were still best friends, always talking. When we first properly look to each other, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She was beautiful. Words couldn’t do her justice. And she said I looked rather handsome. Despite the fact I wasn’t entirely sure about my chocolate brown suit. Looking back now I owned it. Throughout the night we talked, we ate, we danced, together. I was a little drunk, more so tipsy than drunk, when she had had one drink. The night ends, and I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye because her parents were right at the door. I wanted to say goodbye, and give her the biggest hug ever, because tomorrow that being Saturday, she was flying to Spain back to Spain. For two months. Saturday rolls around, I’m at work doing normal things. Day ends. I go home, I messaged A. I talked to her and we talk. I don’t remember how but we got talking about us. I told her all the things I loved about her, then I finally said I love you. There was an incredibly long exchange of love and kindness and excitement.
We said all the things we love about each other, how much I just want to hug her and cuddle her, how much she wanted to do the same. How I just want to give her lots of forehead kisses. And hold her till we fell asleep in each other‘s arms, and she felt the same. She knew at this time, that was against her beliefs and her religion, but she said just for tonight can you be my boyfriend and I’ll be your girlfriend. And we were, this was all over text, as she was at her house and I was at mine. Her parents, not sure if this is all Jehovah’s Witnesses or what, would never allow a boy around so yeah. He confessed how sexy we thought each other were , how much I just wanted to nuzzle into her, I just wanted to rest my head in her lap while she played with my hair. I am a strong and firm believer in no sex before marriage. So there’s nothing of that sort, but it was clear there was desire for each other.

I love her, and I do not want to give up on her or us.

She keeps telling me that she loves me and I keep saying it back because I really do love her, but I’m not a Jehovah’s Witness. I guess I’m writing all of this because I am so scared. Because I really want to be with her, not just to date not just to be boyfriend and girlfriend. I want to be able to say one day, that she’s my wife. I really do love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And I do not say that lightly. But now that we’ve confessed our love, there’s only two ways we can beat together.

- One, I become a Jehovah’s Witness, but I don’t want to be dishonest in my belief in Christianity, and my belief in God. So, to truly become a witness, I’d have to essentially, break up with her, not meet not see not speak not text for however long, for me to be a part of the community. If I do that, I don’t know how long it will take, and there’s a good chance that she will move on. Because, from what I’m aware there are a couple people that would love to be with her, and they would make her happy. I want the best for her, and I want to be part of Christianity. And I know I should love God more, I love her so much though.

- option two, I don’t become a Jehovah’s Witness, I study the Bible and I find God and I learned to love God and I pray to God and I do all things Christian would do, and I follow my beliefs. And me and her remain friends, friends that can’t be lovers. She said to me that she wouldn’t be able to move on, I feel her feelings would dissolve eventually, I know she loves me now I know she does, but I feel they would solve. But I I won’t, she will always have my heart. So I’m stuck at this crossroads.

So, this is where we are. We’re at a crossroads, I don’t talk to her for potentially a couple years. I bump into her, we reignite our spark in our faith and we live happily ever after.
Or, I try to become a witness, but I fail to properly adopt their beliefs. So I don’t become a witness, and I never see her again. At which point that may be the end.
Another possibility of option one, is we break up so to speak and I try to become a Jehovah’s Witness. But I do it in ill faith, where she’s my main motivation not finding God.
Another possibility of option one, is I become a Jehovah’s Witness. Accept all the core values I truly follow God that way but she finds someone else. And my fear of this option or possibility is that if I truly let God into my heart this way, will it be done on the foundational basis of love for her? So in other words, ill faith again. Or a possibility of this possibility is that I live with it and gain a beautiful community.
Option two, we stay friends but we never truly intertwine. Our paths are close but we can never truly love each other. And I’ve already come close to dying of heartbreak my heart screen is failing. I don’t think I could live with that eternal torture of knowing that she’s in my grasp yet so far away.

I hope I pray to God, that there is somebody reading this that can help me because I am scared, incredibly scared, because I don’t think I can actually live my life without her, but I know I cannot do it in ill faith. Is there any alternative? Is there any other way we can be together without taking a risk that could destroy my life? Without taking a risk that can destroy my soul no matter what I choose. I’ve dug myself in a hole, I can’t get out, either way it will be messy, I just hope if I go through all of this pain and suffering and torture and loneliness I pray that this is a test from God. Because I want to end up with her, I feel like I need to. I know there’s gonna be some argument of these other fish in the sea there’s other women for you. She’s my fish. There’s every other fish in the sea she’s the only one I Want. She’s the only one that will probably ever love me back. The only one that I think I can ever actually love. But I know the realistic chance of us being together is unfathomably small. Yet, in my heart and my brain, I know it’s a chance, and if there is a chance for me to be with her, I want to ensure that do not screw up. Is there anyone that can help me? I’ve already prayed to God and she’s already done so for me, for us. I love my honey bug, such a stupid nickname, I love calling her that.

For some context my bf is from up north and I am down south. He came down south to go to uni and that’s how we met. We have been dating for 7 months and in that time him and I have practically lived together in him accommodation alone since we have been together.

He has met my mum for lunch with me and met my dad briefly but I haven’t met any of his family (other than maybe a quick hello how are you on facetime when they facetime my bf while he is at uni) as they live 3 hours away from the uni.

I am going to his house next weekend to stay 3 nights Friday - Monday.

Just wondering how do I make my less awkward as I don’t want to come across as rude but I am a very shy person until I become familiar with them.

I will have to get the train which will take like 2 and half hours.

Is there anything I should be aware of when they pick me up from the station (if they do) and if I should bring them something and how to act less awkward. Staying there for 3 nights means I will also have to shower there, so do I bring my own towel or not and how do I even ask?

Please help

I (24 female) have been with my boyfriend (24 male) for 7 years. he had told me some lies throughout our relationship but last weekend I found out he had been lying to me for a year and a half. he used to fantasise about celebrities and even girls we knew. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with this and that I considered it to be cheating. he agreed and as far as I know he gave it up. last week I felt the urge to go through his phone and found on TikTok that he hadn’t cleared his search history from one day last month. it was a list of girls names. some of these girls I don’t know, but majority are local. two are my friends and one is his friend‘s girlfriend. he denied it when I confronted him but eventually he admitted to it. he said around March 2025 he had started to watch videos of girls again and pleasure himself. he said for lent this year he gave it up and after lent was just watching the videos but not doing anything physically. he was actively searching people on insta and tiktok. he has been crying and telling me he’s sorry. he handed over his socials to me and deleted them from his phone. he also asked me to delete the accounts. He started therapy today and told me that when he searched these girls he was viewing them as objects and it’s not emotional. to be true i never thought it was emotional, but I still don’t like it. one of the girls that he searched was his ex. they were very young teenagers when they were together and only for a brief period but I still find it weird. it’s hard because I can see he wants to change and obviously has some kind of dopamine addiction . I’m just so hurt, especially because I trusted him and now feel stupid. now I feel like I can’t even watch certain movies or shows with him in case there is a character that sets him off again. I want to make things work but I need to find the strength. has anyone else been through this and have any advice

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a few months, and I’m starting to wonder if we’re just incompatible.
I haven’t seen him in almost two weeks. He works full time, teaches kids baseball, is in a master’s program, and had a baseball tournament this past weekend, so I understand he’s genuinely busy.

Last week I asked him over for dinner, he said he was busy, and never suggested another day. Since then, he went to a World Cup game watch party in NYC until 2 a.m. and is leaving for another baseball tournament this weekend. I usually find out after the fact or not at all.

A little while ago I brought up that he felt distant. He reassured me that it was because of work and family issues and had nothing to do with us, which I appreciated. But since then, the lack of communication and effort hasn’t really changed. He also had time to go to the Mets game and hang out with a group of friends that included girls, which made me question whether he’s actually too busy or just not prioritizing the relationship.

I’m not asking for constant texting or attention. I just expect someone I’m dating to communicate and make an effort to see me. Even a simple, “I’m slammed this week, can we do next Tuesday?” would mean a lot.

At this point, I’ve stopped asking to hang out because I don’t want to chase someone. If he wants to see me, he can make plans.

Am I expecting too much? Am I the issue? Or are his actions telling me everything I need to know? Would you stay in a relationship like this?

I'm in a, what i consider, a toxic marriage. This is a recent realization. We have been married 23 years and we have had this recurrent cycle: i do something (or don't do something) she doesn't like. She gets angry and tells me slams me with all the stuff I do wrong and how I don't love her and how I "obviously" want a divorce, etc. Essentially blaming everything on me and basically saying I'm being a bad husband. I took this to heart for many years; feeling horrible for my "betrayal" (even if it was a small thing), and doing everything i could to smooth it over. When we are not in this cycle, she is very complimentary and supportive. More recently, I've been recognizing this as manipulative behavior. My question is: How do I know if it's me or not? I feel like she treats me horrible, saying things that i can't understand saying to someone you love. I feel like it's an abusive relationship. But, what if she's right, and I'm really just a horrible person? It's hard to stand my ground if I don't even know I'm doing the right thing.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for three months, and I’m struggling with a mismatch in intimacy needs.
We genuinely care about each other, and he says he’s falling in love with me, but our sex life has changed significantly since the beginning of the relationship.
During the first month, we had sex much more frequently. However, over time, it has dropped off considerably. In our second month together, we only had sex twice, and now it’s been over a month without any sexual intimacy.
One factor is that we both still live with our parents, and he doesn’t feel comfortable having sex in the car or in places without privacy. I understand and respect that boundary.
Another important piece of context is that, in a previous relationship, he experienced an unplanned pregnancy despite the odds of it happening being very low, and his ex-partner ultimately had an abortion. I wonder if that experience may have affected how he views sex, intimacy, or the possibility of something going wrong, even when using protection.
He says his lower sex drive isn’t about me and that he simply doesn’t have the same level of desire as I do. He also says that if he didn’t want to be with me, he wouldn’t be.
The problem is that I don’t just miss sex itself… I miss feeling desired.
He rarely initiates intimacy, rarely compliments me, and often seems perfectly fine going long periods without seeing each other or being physically close. Meanwhile, I need physical affection and sexual intimacy to feel connected in a relationship.
I’ve tried communicating this several times. He listens, apologizes, and says he doesn’t want me to feel this way, but nothing really changes.
I know I have insecurities from a previous long-term relationship that ended unexpectedly, so I sometimes wonder if I’m projecting old fears onto this situation.
At the same time, I can’t ignore that I feel unwanted, unattractive, and like I’m always the one asking for more closeness.
Am I expecting too much for a relationship that’s only three months old, or is this an early sign that we’re fundamentally incompatible?