u/macncheez_princess

My boyfriend [26M] and I [24F] have been together for about a year. Overall, our relationship is great. He treats me really well, communicates well, makes me feel loved, and we’ve talked seriously about marriage/kids. His family has also been wonderful to me and we just took a trip to Tampa.

I’ve never had a reason to think he’s cheating and still don’t think he is. Early in our relationship, I noticed a female coworker (I’ll call her Sabrina) was one of his recent contacts. He had previously given me his phone passcode before this (which I never asked for) and I gave him mine. Now I know I shouldn’t have, but I looked through their text messages because I felt insecure.

Most of what I saw was her being pretty flirtatious. She used 😘 emojis, called him pet names, played iMessage games with him, sent good morning and good night texts, and occasionally asked him to hang out. From what I saw, he usually responded normally or would bring me up.

I brought it up to him calmly because it made me uncomfortable. He was extremely upset that I had gone through his phone and felt I had violated his privacy. I apologized, and he changed his passcode. He explained that she’s older than him (around 37), has two kids and a boyfriend, and that she’s just naturally flirty with everyone at work. He also said he is not attracted to her at all, just someone who is cool to talk to.

For context, I have more of an “open phone” mindset in relationships, while he believes phones are private. He is free to look in my phone or use it at any time (but he says he’s not into that). My thoughts are that if you are planning to spend your life with someone, it’s understandable to want to make sure they are being true to you - so long as you’re not obsessive and looking through it every single day - more like a once in a blue moon thing.

I didn’t think about this coworker at all for months. Fast forward to now - recently I happened to notice the 💦 emoji in his recently used emojis, while he was showing me something on his phone. I realize he hasn’t sent it to me in 6 months.

I know this wasn’t right, but my curiosity got the better of me again and I checked his Apple Watch, just looking at Sabrina’s text thread.

I saw messages from her like:

“I’m gonna sit next to you and rub your hair when your girlfriend isn’t looking.”

“Gianna looked surprised when I hugged you earlier today.”

(Gianna is a different coworker who he actually does not enjoy and he doesn’t respond to her texts at all).

Or she’d ask him to come with her to certain events. I didn’t have time to read much else, but from what I saw, again he wasn’t really flirting back. He still mentioned me at times, but he also continued talking to her afterwards. The part that hurt me was the sneaky comment.

It’s one thing if someone flirts with you at work, whatever. But when someone knows you’re in a relationship and makes comments about touching you “when your girlfriend isn’t looking,” especially over text and outside work hours, that feels disrespectful to me.

For comparison, I recently had a male coworker get my number from a WhatsApp group chat. At first the conversation was normal, but he eventually became inappropriate even though he knew I had a boyfriend. I immediately told my boyfriend about it. He asked if I blocked the guy or if I liked the attention, so I blocked him out of respect for our relationship.

Now, my boyfriend is not spineless. He’s not one to put up with bullsh*t from people and always speaks his mind/sets boundaries. There have been other women who’ve tried to flirt with him, like a woman he went on a date with before he met me, and he always shut it down and mentioned it to me.

I’m not going to confront my boyfriend or blow up my relationship over this because he really is a great guy, and I don’t currently believe he’s cheating on me. I do think he enjoys the attention to some extent.

I’m mostly wondering if I’m overreacting, or if it’s reasonable to feel this way. I also want to learn how I can stop worrying. Going forward, I will no longer snoop either because I know it upsets him.

My boyfriend (26M) and I (24F) have been together for about a year. Overall, our relationship is great. He treats me really well, communicates well, makes me feel loved, and we’ve talked seriously about marriage/kids. His family has also been wonderful to me and we just took a trip to Tampa.

I’ve never had a reason to think he’s cheating and still don’t think he is. Early in our relationship, I noticed a female coworker (I’ll call her Sabrina) was one of his recent contacts. He had previously given me his phone passcode before this (which I never asked for) and I gave him mine. Now I know I shouldn’t have, but I looked through their text messages because I felt insecure.

Most of what I saw was her being pretty flirtatious. She used 😘 emojis, called him pet names, played iMessage games with him, sent good morning and good night texts, and occasionally asked him to hang out. From what I saw, he usually responded normally or would bring me up.

I brought it up to him calmly because it made me uncomfortable. He was extremely upset that I had gone through his phone and felt I had violated his privacy. I apologized, and he changed his passcode. He explained that she’s older than him (around 37), has two kids and a boyfriend, and that she’s just naturally flirty with everyone at work. He also said he is not attracted to her at all, just someone who is cool to talk to.

For context, I have more of an “open phone” mindset in relationships, while he believes phones are private. He is free to look in my phone or use it at any time (but he says he’s not into that). My thoughts are that if you are planning to spend your life with someone, it’s understandable to want to make sure they are being true to you - so long as you’re not obsessive and looking through it every single day - more like a once in a blue moon thing.

I didn’t think about this coworker at all for months. Fast forward to now - recently I happened to notice the 💦 emoji in his recently used emojis, while he was showing me something on his phone. I realize he hasn’t sent it to me in 6 months.

I know this wasn’t right, but my curiosity got the better of me again and I checked his Apple Watch, just looking at Sabrina’s text thread.

I saw messages from her like:

“I’m gonna sit next to you and rub your hair when your girlfriend isn’t looking.”

“Gianna looked surprised when I hugged you earlier today.”

(Gianna is a different coworker who he actually does not enjoy and he doesn’t respond to her texts at all).

Or she’d ask him to come with her to certain events. I didn’t have time to read much else, but from what I saw, again he wasn’t really flirting back. He still mentioned me at times, but he also continued talking to her afterwards. The part that hurt me was the sneaky comment.

It’s one thing if someone flirts with you at work, whatever. But when someone knows you’re in a relationship and makes comments about touching you “when your girlfriend isn’t looking,” especially over text and outside work hours, that feels disrespectful to me.

For comparison, I recently had a male coworker get my number from a WhatsApp group chat. At first the conversation was normal, but he eventually became inappropriate even though he knew I had a boyfriend. I immediately told my boyfriend about it. He asked if I blocked the guy or if I liked the attention, so I blocked him out of respect for our relationship.

Now, my boyfriend is not spineless. He’s not one to put up with bullsh*t from people and always speaks his mind/sets boundaries. There have been other women who’ve tried to flirt with him, like a woman he went on a date with before he met me, and he always shut it down and mentioned it to me.

I’m not going to confront my boyfriend or blow up my relationship over this because he really is a great guy, and I don’t currently believe he’s cheating on me. I do think he enjoys the attention to some extent.

I’m mostly wondering if I’m overreacting, or if it’s reasonable to feel this way. I also want to learn how I can stop worrying. Going forward, I will no longer snoop either because I know it upsets him.

TLDR: My boyfriend seems to be entertaining a female coworker who flirts with him over text. Though he doesn’t flirt back, he still engages. AIO by feeling uncomfortable?