u/TheLitmus

I'm in a, what i consider, a toxic marriage. This is a recent realization. We have been married 23 years and we have had this recurrent cycle: i do something (or don't do something) she doesn't like. She gets angry and tells me slams me with all the stuff I do wrong and how I don't love her and how I "obviously" want a divorce, etc. Essentially blaming everything on me and basically saying I'm being a bad husband. I took this to heart for many years; feeling horrible for my "betrayal" (even if it was a small thing), and doing everything i could to smooth it over. When we are not in this cycle, she is very complimentary and supportive. More recently, I've been recognizing this as manipulative behavior. My question is: How do I know if it's me or not? I feel like she treats me horrible, saying things that i can't understand saying to someone you love. I feel like it's an abusive relationship. But, what if she's right, and I'm really just a horrible person? It's hard to stand my ground if I don't even know I'm doing the right thing.

You're a guest in someone's home and you use the bathroom. The toilet paper roll is on upside down. Do you flip it around before you use it, or let them continue in their ignorance?