u/Crisis_mode_on

TW: child abuse, childhood SA.
Putting a TW. Just in case. Don’t plan on going into detail. But don’t want to upset anyone.

Sorry in advance, this is a long post and may not make a lot of sense!

Anyway, I started with a new therapist a few weeks ago in my new supported living home. We had a meeting last Wednesday and I had massive intense flashback as soon as I walked in the room. Due to a piece of furniture. It sounds silly that it was as minor as that, I know.

I haven’t had a flashback this severe for years so it has completely thrown me and taken me back to being that 12-year-old again.

Since this flashback on Wednesday, there has been a massive decline in my mental health and a massive increase in my paranoia and mania symptoms.

I have been refusing any of my medication, completely shut down and withdrawn, more than I already was. I know that stopping my medication is probably adding to how I’m feeling however my paranoia is so intense that I can’t stop this feeling.

Anyway, the staff here have been trying to get me to tell them what’s going on and I physically unable to say anything about why there has been such a decrease in my state of mind.

I know they are trying to help but some of what they are saying is making me feel worse and feeling invalidated in my feelings.
The staff are saying things like:
“we can’t help you if you don’t talk to us”
“we’re just going to send you back to hospital because you’re not being compliant.”
“You doing all this to yourself”
“you just don’t want to get better”
“Your mood is your own fault because you’re not taking your medication”

I don’t know how to move on from this. When staff are near, I just fully shut down. I want to talk to them and tell them so I can get the right support but I physically can’t.

My new therapist has said that she doesn’t read clients medical notes because she likes to hear it from the client directly. Even though I completely respect that and actually like the fact I’m not just a pile of notes. But it has made things a bit harder as I relied on people to read my notes so that I didn’t have to communicate about my past experiences.

If anyone’s got any ideas on how I can try and get them to understand or being able to communicate or anything, it would be much appreciated.

I already use communication cards and use notes and writing instead of talking. But I’m struggling to handover anything I’ve written down to give staff.

TW: child abuse, childhood SA.
Putting a TW. Just in case. Don’t plan on going into detail. But don’t want to upset anyone.

Sorry in advance, this is a long post and may not make a lot of sense!

Anyway, I started with a new therapist a few weeks ago in my new supported living home. We had a meeting last Wednesday and I had massive intense flashback as soon as I walked in the room. Due to a piece of furniture. It sounds silly that it was as minor as that, I know.

I haven’t had a flashback this severe for years so it has completely thrown me and taken me back to being that 12-year-old again.

Since this flashback on Wednesday, there has been a massive decline in my mental health and a massive increase in my paranoia and mania symptoms.

I have been refusing any of my medication, completely shut down and withdrawn, more than I already was. I know that stopping my medication is probably adding to how I’m feeling however my paranoia is so intense that I can’t stop this feeling.

Anyway, the staff here have been trying to get me to tell them what’s going on and I physically unable to say anything about why there has been such a decrease in my state of mind.

I know they are trying to help but some of what they are saying is making me feel worse and feeling invalidated in my feelings.
The staff are saying things like:
“we can’t help you if you don’t talk to us”
“we’re just going to send you back to hospital because you’re not being compliant.”
“You doing all this to yourself”
“you just don’t want to get better”
“Your mood is your own fault because you’re not taking your medication”

I don’t know how to move on from this. When staff are near, I just fully shut down. I want to talk to them and tell them so I can get the right support but I physically can’t.

My new therapist has said that she doesn’t read clients medical notes because she likes to hear it from the client directly. Even though I completely respect that and actually like the fact I’m not just a pile of notes. But it has made things a bit harder as I relied on people to read my notes so that I didn’t have to communicate about my past experiences.

If anyone’s got any ideas on how I can try and get them to understand or being able to communicate or anything, it would be much appreciated.

I already use communication cards and use notes and writing instead of talking. But I’m struggling to handover anything I’ve written down to give staff.

Help me find this song please!

So this song has been in my head for days, and I can’t find it! It’s a rap song from a smallish male artist from what I remember. I think it’s by BMike or a similar artist. I’ve googled the lyrics I remember and nothing comes up!

The lyrics I remember are:

“You think you are the man now, because you made a little money? You’ve got a brother and a sister in a third world country”
And
“I’ve got myself a girl now, bless my heart she’s an angel, but she wouldn’t have looked twice if you chose to remain you”

From what I remember he’s rapping about himself in almost a call and repeat way, like his good side vs his bad side

I don’t know if that makes any sense or if it’s enough information but I need to find this song before I absolutely loose my mind!