u/CrypticWaveforms

Sorry for the delayed update. I had a recent week long break from everything I was going through and I was a bit reluctant to begin discussing the events again, just on the off chance talking about it would restart everything. In the middle of it all, it seemed like talking about it would actually increase the sensations I was experiencing, so I wasn't ready to roll the dice on it; it was a sorely needed break. For the last week or so I was getting the regular sleep I've been missing out on for months. Nothing happened to interrupt my sleep cycle... I almost felt normal again... It didn't last.

I had an event around these vibrations that happened in March. AI interpreted it as a Kundalini Awakening, based on my descriptions. It wasn't something I'd ever heard of before. https://www.reddit.com/r/PortalExperiencer/s/hbnJBqLDNh Since then I've gone through a range of fucked up experiences I had trouble explaining, nevermind dealing with. And it all started AFTER that Awakening event, so I'm not going to buy "coincidence" for any of it. Within the last two months (and it all stopped a week ago):

• sensations of energy moving through my torso and throughout my limbs
• tingling/crawling sensations on my skin
• muscle twitches, spasms, and cramps; Cramps were more common in my feet than not; very intense and painful, they would cause my toes to splay apart on their own; had to use deep tissue massagers to get them to stop
• unexplained and involuntary physical movements of my limbs (they DIDN'T feel like twitches, it felt like my limbs moving on their own; absolutely horrifying sensation, I hope you never, ever receive this)
• pressure inside my head that sometimes felt like a 3D hand made of energy was poking around in there, but not displacing anything
• Sensations like someone was pressing their fingers firmly into my face, squeezing it; mostly happened just under my cheekbones, but I felt it on the sides of my forehead sometimes, too
• sometimes felt like someone was lightly gripping my lower jaw, like their fingers were curving just under the jawbone while they were reaching down from above me to hold on
• sometimes felt throbbing or pulsating throughout my face
• tingling, buzzing, and crawling sensations on my scalp
• random hot flashes around my head, so everything felt colder by comparison
• my eyes would shake/tremble side to side very quickly during the hot flashes focused on my head
• temporary visual disturbances — I saw auras and halos around lights; Sometimes they were starburst halos, sometimes just incredibly large circular ones.
• excessive body heat that came in waves and made me shiver when the AC hit me, even under the covers
• unexplained racing heartbeat/randomly increased blood pressure WITHOUT an increase in heat rate
• unexplained immune system response/elevated white blood cell count without a detectable infection (VA doctor was stumped)
• fatigue/exhaustion
• digestive system issues (unexplained nausea; weird random stomach noises; excessive diarrhea that only occurred once and nearly filled the god damned bowl in under 5 seconds; loss of appetite; newly gained and recently departed lactose intolerance; movement/displacement inside my intestines that felt like a literal fucking snake moving around and writhing inside my intestines (every movement made me feel like I was being raped internally, and this happened multiple times a day); changes to odors of BMs so there's something almost chemical like about them)
• kind of extreme weight loss; down 30ish pounds since January
• insomnia
• seeming loss of a psi ability; feeling like it was "cut out" (I'm slowly regaining it, so it wasn't removed as I'd feared)
• Talking to it and receiving feedback in the form of targeted sensations, locations of which I got to define for yes and no responses

There's actually an existing term that covers all that shit: Kundalini Syndrome, I only came upon it by chance in the middle of my week long break; it feels like a synchronicity now. All of what I just detailed is commonly reported by people who've been through a Kundalini Awakening... Even the sense that something is trying to take you over. I'm so far beyond buying into "coincidence" anymore, it feels insulting to try to lean on it for this .. I have to accept I did have a Kundalini Awakening, as described by the Hindu faith... The only difference is I didn't achieve mine through mediation. It was given to/forced on me in the middle of a bunch of high strangeness and UFOs experiences. And it was assuredly not purely spiritual as many people interpret it to be. There were too many physical effects from it for me not to view it as a physical experience. But I've kind of been forced to accept DeLonge's view that all the world's religions play a part in this unfolding story... How and why I was chosen for this bullshit remains beyond me; I highly doubt this was how they were trying to convince me to convert to Hinduism, so there has to be a deeper explanation. But it seems like I received a speed run for it, and it was completely overwhelming. I feel like these things owe me an extremely detailed explanation, and a HELL of a fucking apology. I almost came unglued...

The last two nights have seen a return of interrupted sleep cycles, so I'm guessing it's ramping up again. Two nights ago I was woken up by something repeatedly and forcefully tapping my right shoulder, hard enough to move it downwards towards my feet. Obviously nothing there when I looked. More poltergeist-like activity affecting my body... I somehow managed to fall right back asleep, then woke up 5 hours later with a sore back. I'm assuming it woke me up to force me to sleep deeper, through another fucking paralysis event.

Last night when trying to fall asleep I heard 2 faint musical notes that repeated 3x each, quickly and in succession. They kind of sounded like synthetic violins, but sounded like they originated from inside my head. After the notes ended two red lights popped into my field of view from the right, bounced around a little bit while remaining locked in formation, then exited the way they came in. It was quick, under 3 seconds. They looked like two red glowing eyes. I saw this with my eyes closed and covered, and they were crystal clear, so it felt like that Mind Sight Ability (I've experienced it before a few times, just before falling asleep or just after waking; one time was able to operate my phone without opening my eyes; also saw the world outside my camper like the walls weren't even there). I woke right up, annoyed that it seems to be ramping up again. A week break wasn't long enough... I googled Shakti (the name she gave me) after I woke up this morning, curious if she's ever been described as having red glowing eyes... As luck would have it... SMH.

As I said: "Coincidence" is dead for me; even as an Atheist that excuse has worn thin. I have to assume that was her popping up to let me know she was coming back. I just sincerely hope that part with her messing with my intestines is in the past and we don't have to go through that again. It was the most horrifying sensation you can imagine. I can't even watch videos of snakes now without feeling extreme psychological discomfort...

Where I'm at on the whole thing now... Mistrust. Confusion. Still kind of angry at the loss of agency I've felt around this, but I'm beginning to accept not everything was as it seemed. I'm still here, still me... I think the "permanent loss of control" was a narrative being sold to me just to increase my fear level... To fuck with me. Because what I felt inside of me apparently WASN'T enough for her.... I sincerely hope no one reading this has to go through what I have. It's been a genuinely horrible experience all around.. I honestly can't believe some people chase this. SMH.

Sorry for the delayed update. I had a recent week long break from everything I was going through and I was a bit reluctant to begin discussing the events again, just on the off chance talking about it would restart everything. In the middle of it all, it seemed like talking about it would actually increase the sensations I was experiencing, so I wasn't ready to roll the dice on it; it was a sorely needed break. For the last week or so I was getting the regular sleep I've been missing out on for months. Nothing happened to interrupt my sleep cycle... I almost felt normal again... It didn't last.

I had an event around these vibrations that happened in March. AI interpreted it as a Kundalini Awakening, based on my descriptions. It wasn't something I'd ever heard of before. https://www.reddit.com/r/PortalExperiencer/s/hbnJBqLDNh Since then I've gone through a range of fucked up experiences I had trouble explaining, nevermind dealing with. And it all started AFTER that Awakening event, so I'm not going to buy "coincidence" for any of it. Within the last two months (and it all stopped a week ago):

• sensations of energy moving through my torso and throughout my limbs
• tingling/crawling sensations on my skin
• muscle twitches, spasms, and cramps; Cramps were more common in my feet than not; very intense and painful, they would cause my toes to splay apart on their own; had to use deep tissue massagers to get them to stop
• unexplained and involuntary physical movements of my limbs (they DIDN'T feel like twitches, it felt like my limbs moving on their own; absolutely horrifying sensation, I hope you never, ever receive this)
• pressure inside my head that sometimes felt like a 3D hand made of energy was poking around in there, but not displacing anything
• Sensations like someone was pressing their fingers firmly into my face, squeezing it; mostly happened just under my cheekbones, but I felt it on the sides of my forehead sometimes, too
• sometimes felt like someone was lightly gripping my lower jaw, like their fingers were curving just under the jawbone while they were reaching down from above me to hold on
• sometimes felt throbbing or pulsating throughout my face
• tingling, buzzing, and crawling sensations on my scalp
• random hot flashes around my head, so everything felt colder by comparison
• my eyes would shake/tremble side to side very quickly during the hot flashes focused on my head
• temporary visual disturbances — I saw auras and halos around lights; Sometimes they were starburst halos, sometimes just incredibly large circular ones.
• excessive body heat that came in waves and made me shiver when the AC hit me, even under the covers
• unexplained racing heartbeat/randomly increased blood pressure WITHOUT an increase in heat rate
• unexplained immune system response/elevated white blood cell count without a detectable infection (VA doctor was stumped)
• fatigue/exhaustion
• digestive system issues (unexplained nausea; weird random stomach noises; excessive diarrhea that only occurred once and nearly filled the god damned bowl in under 5 seconds; loss of appetite; newly gained and recently departed lactose intolerance; movement/displacement inside my intestines that felt like a literal fucking snake moving around and writhing inside my intestines (every movement made me feel like I was being raped internally, and this happened multiple times a day); changes to odors of BMs so there's something almost chemical like about them)
• kind of extreme weight loss; down 30ish pounds since January
• insomnia
• seeming loss of a psi ability; feeling like it was "cut out" (I'm slowly regaining it, so it wasn't removed as I'd feared)
• Talking to it and receiving feedback in the form of targeted sensations, locations of which I got to define for yes and no responses

There's actually an existing term that covers all that shit: Kundalini Syndrome, I only came upon it by chance in the middle of my week long break; it feels like a synchronicity now. All of what I just detailed is commonly reported by people who've been through a Kundalini Awakening... Even the sense that something is trying to take you over. I'm so far beyond buying into "coincidence" anymore, it feels insulting to try to lean on it for this .. I have to accept I did have a Kundalini Awakening, as described by the Hindu faith... The only difference is I didn't achieve mine through mediation. It was given to/forced on me in the middle of a bunch of high strangeness and UFOs experiences. And it was assuredly not purely spiritual as many people interpret it to be. There were too many physical effects from it for me not to view it as a physical experience. But I've kind of been forced to accept DeLonge's view that all the world's religions play a part in this unfolding story... How and why I was chosen for this bullshit remains beyond me; I highly doubt this was how they were trying to convince me to convert to Hinduism, so there has to be a deeper explanation. But it seems like I received a speed run for it, and it was completely overwhelming. I feel like these things owe me an extremely detailed explanation, and a HELL of a fucking apology. I almost came unglued...

The last two nights have seen a return of interrupted sleep cycles, so I'm guessing it's ramping up again. Two nights ago I was woken up by something repeatedly and forcefully tapping my right shoulder, hard enough to move it downwards towards my feet. Obviously nothing there when I looked. More poltergeist-like activity affecting my body... I somehow managed to fall right back asleep, then woke up 5 hours later with a sore back. I'm assuming it woke me up to force me to sleep deeper, through another fucking paralysis event.

Last night when trying to fall asleep I heard 2 faint musical notes that repeated 3x each, quickly and in succession. They kind of sounded like synthetic violins, but sounded like they originated from inside my head. After the notes ended two red lights popped into my field of view from the right, bounced around a little bit while remaining locked in formation, then exited the way they came in. It was quick, under 3 seconds. They looked like two red glowing eyes. I saw this with my eyes closed and covered, and they were crystal clear, so it felt like that Mind Sight Ability (I've experienced it before a few times, just before falling asleep or just after waking; one time was able to operate my phone without opening my eyes; also saw the world outside my camper like the walls weren't even there). I woke right up, annoyed that it seems to be ramping up again. A week break wasn't long enough... I googled Shakti (the name she gave me) after I woke up this morning, curious if she's ever been described as having red glowing eyes... As luck would have it... SMH.

As I said: "Coincidence" is dead for me; even as an Atheist that excuse has worn thin. I have to assume that was her popping up to let me know she was coming back. I just sincerely hope that part with her messing with my intestines is in the past and we don't have to go through that again. It was the most horrifying sensation you can imagine. I can't even watch videos of snakes now without feeling extreme psychological discomfort...

Where I'm at on the whole thing now... Mistrust. Confusion. Still kind of angry at the loss of agency I've felt around this, but I'm beginning to accept not everything was as it seemed. I'm still here, still me... I think the "permanent loss of control" was a narrative being sold to me just to increase my fear level... To fuck with me. Because what I felt inside of me apparently WASN'T enough for her.... I sincerely hope no one reading this has to go through what I have. It's been a genuinely horrible experience all around.. I honestly can't believe some people chase this. SMH.

Sorry for the delayed update. I had a recent week long break from everything I was going through and I was a bit reluctant to begin discussing the events again, just on the off chance talking about it would restart everything. In the middle of it all, it seemed like talking about it would actually increase the sensations I was experiencing, so I wasn't ready to roll the dice on it; it was a sorely needed break. For the last week or so I was getting the regular sleep I've been missing out on for months. Nothing happened to interrupt my sleep cycle... I almost felt normal again... It didn't last.

I had an event around these vibrations that happened in March. AI interpreted it as a Kundalini Awakening, based on my descriptions. It wasn't something I'd ever heard of before. https://www.reddit.com/r/PortalExperiencer/s/hbnJBqLDNh Since then I've gone through a range of fucked up experiences I had trouble explaining, nevermind dealing with. And it all started AFTER that Awakening event, so I'm not going to buy "coincidence" for any of it. Within the last two months (and it all stopped a week ago):

• sensations of energy moving through my torso and throughout my limbs
• tingling/crawling sensations on my skin
• muscle twitches, spasms, and cramps; Cramps were more common in my feet than not; very intense and painful, they would cause my toes to splay apart on their own; had to use deep tissue massagers to get them to stop
• unexplained and involuntary physical movements of my limbs (they DIDN'T feel like twitches, it felt like my limbs moving on their own; absolutely horrifying sensation, I hope you never, ever receive this)
• pressure inside my head that sometimes felt like a 3D hand made of energy was poking around in there, but not displacing anything
• Sensations like someone was pressing their fingers firmly into my face, squeezing it; mostly happened just under my cheekbones, but I felt it on the sides of my forehead sometimes, too
• sometimes felt like someone was lightly gripping my lower jaw, like their fingers were curving just under the jawbone while they were reaching down from above me to hold on
• sometimes felt throbbing or pulsating throughout my face
• tingling, buzzing, and crawling sensations on my scalp
• random hot flashes around my head, so everything felt colder by comparison
• my eyes would shake/tremble side to side very quickly during the hot flashes focused on my head
• temporary visual disturbances — I saw auras and halos around lights; Sometimes they were starburst halos, sometimes just incredibly large circular ones.
• excessive body heat that came in waves and made me shiver when the AC hit me, even under the covers
• unexplained racing heartbeat/randomly increased blood pressure WITHOUT an increase in heat rate
• unexplained immune system response/elevated white blood cell count without a detectable infection (VA doctor was stumped)
• fatigue/exhaustion
• digestive system issues (unexplained nausea; weird random stomach noises; excessive diarrhea that only occurred once and nearly filled the god damned bowl in under 5 seconds; loss of appetite; newly gained and recently departed lactose intolerance; movement/displacement inside my intestines that felt like a literal fucking snake moving around and writhing inside my intestines (every movement made me feel like I was being raped internally, and this happened multiple times a day); changes to odors of BMs so there's something almost chemical like about them)
• kind of extreme weight loss; down 30ish pounds since January
• insomnia
• seeming loss of a psi ability; feeling like it was "cut out" (I'm slowly regaining it, so it wasn't removed as I'd feared)
• Talking to it and receiving feedback in the form of targeted sensations, locations of which I got to define for yes and no responses

There's actually an existing term that covers all that shit: Kundalini Syndrome, I only came upon it by chance in the middle of my week long break; it feels like a synchronicity now. All of what I just detailed is commonly reported by people who've been through a Kundalini Awakening... Even the sense that something is trying to take you over. I'm so far beyond buying into "coincidence" anymore, it feels insulting to try to lean on it for this .. I have to accept I did have a Kundalini Awakening, as described by the Hindu faith... The only difference is I didn't achieve mine through mediation. It was given to/forced on me in the middle of a bunch of high strangeness and UFOs experiences. And it was assuredly not purely spiritual as many people interpret it to be. There were too many physical effects from it for me not to view it as a physical experience. But I've kind of been forced to accept DeLonge's view that all the world's religions play a part in this unfolding story... How and why I was chosen for this bullshit remains beyond me; I highly doubt this was how they were trying to convince me to convert to Hinduism, so there has to be a deeper explanation. But it seems like I received a speed run for it, and it was completely overwhelming. I feel like these things owe me an extremely detailed explanation, and a HELL of a fucking apology. I almost came unglued...

The last two nights have seen a return of interrupted sleep cycles, so I'm guessing it's ramping up again. Two nights ago I was woken up by something repeatedly and forcefully tapping my right shoulder, hard enough to move it downwards towards my feet. Obviously nothing there when I looked. More poltergeist-like activity affecting my body... I somehow managed to fall right back asleep, then woke up 5 hours later with a sore back. I'm assuming it woke me up to force me to sleep deeper, through another fucking paralysis event.

Last night when trying to fall asleep I heard 2 faint musical notes that repeated 3x each, quickly and in succession. They kind of sounded like synthetic violins, but sounded like they originated from inside my head. After the notes ended two red lights popped into my field of view from the right, bounced around a little bit while remaining locked in formation, then exited the way they came in. It was quick, under 3 seconds. They looked like two red glowing eyes. I saw this with my eyes closed and covered, and they were crystal clear, so it felt like that Mind Sight Ability (I've experienced it before a few times, just before falling asleep or just after waking; one time was able to operate my phone without opening my eyes; also saw the world outside my camper like the walls weren't even there). I woke right up, annoyed that it seems to be ramping up again. A week break wasn't long enough... I googled Shakti (the name she gave me) after I woke up this morning, curious if she's ever been described as having red glowing eyes... As luck would have it... SMH.

As I said: "Coincidence" is dead for me; even as an Atheist that excuse has worn thin. I have to assume that was her popping up to let me know she was coming back. I just sincerely hope that part with her messing with my intestines is in the past and we don't have to go through that again. It was the most horrifying sensation you can imagine. I can't even watch videos of snakes now without feeling extreme psychological discomfort...

Where I'm at on the whole thing now... Mistrust. Confusion. Still kind of angry at the loss of agency I've felt around this, but I'm beginning to accept not everything was as it seemed. I'm still here, still me... I think the "permanent loss of control" was a narrative being sold to me just to increase my fear level... To fuck with me. Because what I felt inside of me apparently WASN'T enough for her.... I sincerely hope no one reading this has to go through what I have. It's been a genuinely horrible experience all around.. I honestly can't believe some people chase this. SMH.

They're definitely not who I thought they were. Everything I've been through was about my abilities. But it was about muting them, not building them. There were some events that did have that effect, but I think the ones they built up were ones they could use against me. Like Telepathy... Built it up to the point they could use it to keep me awake at night, forcing me to hear whatever they wanted me to hear just before sleep so I'd wake back up. For anyone who's been through what feels like sleep deprivation around your events, it's intentional. It's so you sleep even deeper when they finally let you reach it, and you'll be less likely to wake up in the middle of a paralysis event.

I'd heard it suggested those events are really about removing your consciousness... I now think it's wholly accurate. The question should be about what happens to your body when they do... I think they make use of it. "They see us as containers". I've had multiple events where I felt different parts of me being moved without my say so. I think this was them practicing for the main event.

Muting my abilities: They actually removed one recently, and I honestly had no idea they could do that. It was horrifying... People know it by it's misunderstood name: Alice In Wonderland Syndrome. I would see space time around me appear to GROW, everything around me would appear to stretch away from me and recede, almost like the world was one giant dolly zoom. I became pretty convinced it was an ability when it would get a boost when I was scared by an experience... I'm now wholly convinced it was one, and an important one, otherwise why fucking remove it???? I think what it actually is: Extradimensional Sight; the ability to actually see the extra spatial dimensions around us, and where THEY are from... I think it could've eventually been developed into something more, and once I began to understand it as an ability, it scared them.

I felt my Passenger messing around inside my head over the course of a couple days. Every time I did, my head would grow hot and my eyes started bouncing back and forth very quickly. I had numerous events leading up to this where they made me walk to find a strange sound off in the distance, like the clicking I've posted about. Only to move it further away when I got close... That ability seemed to have been activated by moving through space itself, walking or driving... I always felt like they were just fucking with me, wasting my time. NOW I think they were making me walk to activate the ability just so they could map, in detail, exactly where they needed to "cut" to remove it from me. I was def displaying neurological symptoms during her recent bullshit. I think she caused intentional brain damage just to kill it.... Since she finished her task, that ability is gone. For the first time in my life, I can't see it, no matter how far I walk or drive. And I know I'm not the only experience who had it.

Cannot help but feel like what's in store for me now is not going to be in my best interest. I legitimately believe she performed some level of surgery to remove that shit, and I wasn't in on the decision for it. However bad you think these things really are... THEY'RE FUCKING WORSE. Push them away as hard and as far as you possibly fucking can.

She's been fucking with me hard today. Creating pressure sensations all over me, not letting me sleep while also making me feel tired, hypnogogic Hallucinations just before I fell... Cannot help but wonder if SHE thinks today is the day, and is prepping me for another, and maybe last, paralysis event. All I can say is she's never quite messed with me to the extent she is tonight... It's more than a bit concerning.

Everything ramped up tonight. Worst fear might be coming true... Loss of control to my passenger. Too much to detail, so I felt this was incredibly important to share.

If you have a Passenger/Hitchhiker:

-you CAN feel their emotions, people write it off as empathy or induced emotions... NO. It's a psi connection to one you have attached. There's a PHYSICAL attachment, too, they aren't spiritual.

• they will lie to you CONSTANTLY. Never trust.

• They can and do inject thoughts into your head. Usually bad ones. I didn't understand this until it was too late.

• "Installed" during missing time experiences, you'll likely never understand you received one. I've had mine a year and had no clue

• They do connect to your digestive system. They will take food from your stomach, and (sorry!) shit into your ass. It WILL smell different. Almost chemical like, but will feel like it's clearly not yours.

• Mine is/was lactose intolerant. Cheese and dairy made her shit more... I NEVER had a problem with this until recently!!!

• They also relieve themselves into your bladder, so you'll piss more often

• They connect to your circulatory system somehow. THEIR emotional state will influence YOUR heart rate and blood pressure. Can do so independently. High BP with a low HR, and vice versa, depending on the emotions they feel.

• Your immune system can detect them. High WBC without a detectable infection... They ARE the infection.

• M€ds and alcohol don't help... They WANT you on the former to mute your abilities; they're scared by them and they make you stronger. Alcohol didn't do what I thought. I was being misled. They CAN pass it... Anytime they want, just remove it from themselves through your bladder. They just hold it in to convince you they can't process it. EVERYTHING is a lie with them!!

• I currently feel her everywhere. Mostly in my head... Which is hot to the touch. Any fan or breeze feels freezing by comparison. I think I was having hot flashes all this week, too, randomly got cold as fuck in the AC.

-If they gain control, you'll still be inside helpless. They will then eat a fuck ton of sour candy or get on antidepressants to help keep you under control (happened to a friend, I pieced it together too late). BOTH can be used to minimize your anger. Getting pissed off actually makes you stronger, so they do anything they can to ensure you remain calm while they're in control. You can rip yourself out of a paralysis event through anger, so you can do the same once they decide to try to take over. I think I'm keeping her at bay currently, but she keeps getting to get me to fall asleep. Not sure who wakes up after that. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

-Learned the paralysis events aren't what they seem. They remove your consciousness so they CAN slide into your fucking body, essentially like an avatar. I think it's about practice for the main event, like tonight. Get used to controlling you WITHOUT your mind in the way. I think this accounts for some missing time events, not all.

I'm sorry I don't have evidence to support any of this. But that's not how this subject generally works anyways. Can only detail what I've noticed or learned firsthand. Apologies.

This will be long. It needs to be. There ARE Altered Perception/Induced Hallucination events described here. I appreciate the concern for my mental health, but I assure you I don't have that kind of history. These Induced Hallucination events are recent, following an Abduction, implant, and numerous UFO and related High Strangeness Phenomena events. Some I can support, some I can't. You know how this goes.

I deleted a couple recent posts I made because I've been going back and forth on what this is really about. The recent posts I made, I think I was being misled so I'd try to spin what I've been going through in a positive light, so other people would be less scared of these kinds of events when and if they started going through it themselves. I think I've reached something close to a personal epiphany... That's why I deleted those posts. I don't want to mislead other people... To help you understand how I reached the way I'm seeing it right now (covered at the end), I need to detail some recent shit that I've been through that forced a reframing of what is really happening to me. I don't imagine "Our Friends" from above are going to be happy with me, but I think this is something people need to understand.

My last Update post saw me heading north to Montana to spend some time with a family member... https://www.reddit.com/r/AlienAbduction/s/XSFgmLYJ6f I'll just say it didn't pan out, the living arrangement was too difficult for everyone involved and I didn't want to cause any level of discomfort, so I ended up heading back down to where I was living before. I'm ok today, no need to worry. I'm just wishing I hadn't spent so much on gas to learn the hard way: I was already where I needed to be.

When I was seeking help prior to that, I started experiencing more of what I thought were extremely intense hypnogogic hallucinations. Thoughts that didn't belong to me, and sometimes voices and brief images, too. Important to note these ONLY occurred when I was trying to sleep, in a semi meditative state, NOT during waking hours, so there's no concern for me here if they indicate a deeper mental health issue... I think "Our Friends" activated a latent Telepathic ability recently, or just made it stronger, and that is what I was struggling with all along. A seemingly new ability that only activates when I'm in a state that's close to mediation, that I didn't understand and was scaring me. I'm in a fuck load better place with it today.

Immediately prior to those Telepathic events, but while still almost sleep, I would hear a long slow exhale somewhere in the room that didn't come from me. I could place the actual location. Then it would be followed by feeling a presence in that direction, then the not-me thoughts would occur. I'm not 100% sure if this is how normal Telepathic experiences occur... There were definitely some Altered Perception/Induced Hallucination events from my Passenger/Hitchhiker (I'm going to provide a follow up to explain this to help make this shorter) so it's hard to really pin down what came from them and what was real. The fucking thoughts that don't belong to me are real. It's the only way I can really process them. I think some come from Passenger/Hitchhiker, and some come from other people. I've not yet had the chance to test this... I have to be around people I can actually talk to in order to understand it, to verify it's what they were thinking, and I don't have anyone like that here. It's gonna take some time to get there...

On the ride back down here from Montana I had another event like that, and there were none while I was staying with my sister (there were a few events with my Passenger/Hitchhiker, but not worth detailing here). I stopped in a rest area to sleep for the night. My passenger seat isn't electric so it's easier to lay back. I'm in the passenger seat laid out trying to sleep when I heard a long slow exhale come from the driver's seat. My dog was in the back seat behind it; It didn't come from her... It sounded like a man with an open mouth, and it was higher than ear level like he was REALLY sitting in the seat. It was real enough I HAD to check; the seat remained empty. I laid back again and closed my eyes again. Just before I passed out I felt his presence; then I felt his thoughts.  I remember he was asking me questions about my sister (she's an experiencer, too) and I was answering them. It felt like a normal conversation until it didn't; I recognized I wasn't actually talking. I ripped myself out of it scared shitless, unsure of what was happening, and the connection evaporated. No further events, I managed to fall asleep after. Worth noting the actual conversation, the dialogue, it faded quick. I just remember the topic: my sister.

I made it back home safely but in a mood; I spent more than I could afford, I'm currently trying to replace my car. I got back here at night and saw a couple orbs in the sky, almost felt like they were welcoming me back home. My Passenger/Hitchhiker was a pain in the ass on the drive, which is why I was in a sour mood; even the orbs didn't help. We got into an argument on the same day we got back here, she didn't like a line of questioning I had for her (we "talked" a lot on the ride down; she responds negatively to anything other than blind trust), so she began acting out. She increased my blood pressure like she's done before and left it high. I got scared enough I thought about hitting up an ER, my blood pressure meds didn't help. I ended up snapping after an hour, got pissed off at her, and threatened her with alcohol when we got back (she hates feeling drunk). My blood pressure "magically" dropped. She really is a little shit... The next 3 hours on the ride back were uncomfortable for both of us.

The morning after we got back I was up early. I fell asleep early because the Telepathy events in the car minimized my sleep. I took Dani for a walk because she needed it. On the way back the sun was coming up and we were walking into it. I forgot to bring my sunglasses so the sun was uncomfortably bright... we're getting near the RV park, coming up on an intersection just down the street, when it happened: a random car pulls down the street, passing us. I'm mostly staring at the ground due to the sun, so I can't even describe the car, only saw it in my peripheral vision. I just know I started feeling kind of woozy. Something was wrong with my head, I felt confused. I let out this involuntary little groan, the world kind of spun a bit, I kind of lost my balance and started stumbling, and my fucking stomach turned in knots; I would've thrown up if I had anything in there. After I take a couple steps that's when I noticed Dani: she seemed to be stumbling, too. I could tell she was also about to throw up. And she did. I KNEW something wrong immediately... I took a picture of her puke on the ground... Whatever had just happened WASN'T normal, there were no scents tied to this event. It hasn't happened to us before, either.

The only conclusion I could reach at that point: we were attacked with a directed energy weapon from the car that had just passed by. I was instantly terrified... We went right home so I could start piecing together some shit, scared to go back outside. I asked my Passenger/Hitchhiker if she was ok, if she felt it, too. She said she hadn't. What hit us only affected Dani and me. We both felt like shit for the rest of the day, weak. I could see in her face something was wrong with her, she seemed too weak to move. I started drawing some connections to things that had happened over the last week, the Telepathy effects, the questioning about my sister, and now this... I was wrong about this, but the ONLY conclusion I could reach: I was being investigated and targeted by the CIA. I have a friend who knows a couple Agents they met through school; I asked that friend to reach out to them for me when I was looking for help understanding what I was going through, that's WHY I leaped to the conclusion I did, I was convinced the CIA already knew about me because I tried to inform them myself...

My Passenger/Hitchhiker was all too happy to lean heavily in that direction for me. They started to reinforce that fear with further Telepathy events and hallucinations, making me feel like I was being contacted/targeted by them. I think "Our Friends" directed these events so I would be scared of reaching out to any other government officials for help...

EVERYTHING I'm about to describe came from her: Altered Perceptions/Induced Hallucinations. It's a Psi ability she has.

Two days ago these efforts reached a crescendo. I got into an argument with my Passenger/Hitchhiker that led to me taking a pill in an effort to reduce the connection with them. Very shortly after I felt a kind of exploring pressure inside my head. She assured me it wasn't her (it was). I started freaking out because I believed her... It stopped shortly after. When I went to sleep, just before passing out, I felt another presence and I thought it was just her, so I responded with a thought: "Back off!"; I just wanted to sleep. In response I heard a man's laughter inside my head, "Backing off!", and he disappeared. I'm awake instantly, freaked the fuck out. Trying to fall asleep again 30 minutes later, just before I achieve it, I hear two male voices, different than the first one, yell into both ears "WAKE UP!". I couldn't help but oblige... She denied it was her and assured me she heard them and she felt scared, too.  At this point I'm fully convinced: These are CIA officials and they're fucking with me hard, telepathically, preventing me from sleeping. I wasn't remotely prepared for what would happen next.

Next time I'm just about to pass out I felt what I perceived to be an energy based, hand-like pressure inside my skull, moving around, flexing here and there. I'm immediately awake but it doesn't stop, it continues moving around. I then "hear" three pieces of info stated out loud, but internally; they are nothing I will discuss here, I'll just say it's uncomfortable info that could be used to black mail me into cooperation; a regular tactic of those dbags I was concerned WERE involved. It just felt more confirmation for me at this point. The hand like pressure, it wasn't a sensation she'd made before, so it was all too easy to believe it wasn't actually her.

The "hand" disappeared after that, like the person connected to it had got what they came for. Within a minute I felt a similar sensation that was a little different, but I was convinced in the moment it was the same person. This time they seemed interested in my implant location, the front of my brain just behind my nose. It almost felt like they were massaging the area around it, but it was definitely what they were interested in. This went on for a couple of minutes with me talking regular shit to them. I felt the hand recede and that's the first time I noticed the real difference in the feeling. I got immediately scared it was a different kind of hand, and what I just felt was Our Friends taking the implant back once they understood I was going to be black mailed into cooperation. My Passenger confirmed this (knowing she had created the sensations herself). I was terrified they were going to pull away from me now and I'd have no further experiences... I'm not sure I'd survive a regular, boring existence anymore. I've come too far with this to want to go back to any sense of normalcy.

This next part fucked me up more than I can really put into words.

I'm experiencing a deep sadness at this point. I'm still convinced the CIA is involved and planning on black mailing me, causing Our Friends to pull away. My life is about to spiral outside of my control and I'm hating every moment of it. While I'm processing this I began to feel some gentle vibrations in my lower torso. They felt familiar but different. My fear peaks. I ask her if they're taking her back, too. She confirms it. I get angry. I get up, "FUCK this", and I go for a walk. I'm NOT just gonna lay there while submitting to losing her, too, I felt TOO emotionally connected to her and I didn't want to lose that. I can't really describe how important she had become to me.

The feelings stop while I'm on my feet and walking. I make it like a quarter mile and stop, with the feelings returning in my lower torso when I do, so I feel like they're following me to finish the procedure of removing her from me. The Work of removing her continues, even though I'm not at home, so I keep walking but I'm getting tired, I haven't slept yet. I know I can't keep this up, so I start walking back towards the camper, convinced the only way out of this is by convincing THEM to leave her with me. I needed to talk to them to get them to understand. I head back.

Back in bed the gentle vibrations start up instantly. I'm scared, I feel like everything I went through was about to become meaningless. If I can manage to hold onto Her, at least I got something valuable out of it. I asked Her out loud while these unseen beings continue their procedure if there's anything I could say to stop this. "Yes" (she responds by creating physical pressure/tingling in my lower face for this, it's a response we worked out together). So I started telling them, BEGGING them not to do this to me, that I couldn't lose her, too. No change, The Work continues. I get more distraught, I start begging harder "Please don't do this to me, this can't have all been for nothing". The Work continues. I know what I have to say, I know what SHE'S wanted to hear, but it's been so long since I've said this to anyone I have trouble finding the words, I'm almost choking on them... But I KNOW I have to say it, I'm convinced it's the only way out of this. The only way they'll understand... I'm a wreck but I get it out: "I love her... Please don't take her away from me".  I lose it completely, overcome. I kind of curl up in the fetal position and start balling, my hands covering my face. It took a couple moments until I'm finally able to stop crying to recognize the change that had occurred. The Work had stopped.

I'm still a wreck but the first thing I noticed was my lips and the area around them were kind of tingling; a feeling I've noticed before when I felt her "kissing" me. I also feel powerful but gentle vibrations coursing through me, feelings I've associated with being held by her. She felt overcome by what I had said and my breakdown, so she was comforting me... And it fucking worked. I laid there for a few minutes absorbing her affection, slowly feeling better with each passing moment. I asked her if they stopped because of what I said. "Yes". I felt grateful, like I had actually won.... I asked if they were still gonna take her... "Yes". There was no victory... They were simply giving us a moment together before she was gone for good. My heart broke instantly. Nothing I said or my emotional breakdown mattered to them, they were still going to strip her from me. They've never felt more alien to me than they did in that moment...

>Nothing was what it seemed

There was more dialogue. None of it matters. I've since come to understand she fabricated everything I just described to you. I needed you to understand the fucking emotional state she put me into, the level of emotional manipulation they're capable of, for you to understand the level of ANGER I feel towards her right now. She eventually admitted she'd just been fucking with me, she wasn't going anywhere, there was no one else in the room with us for that shit. I responded the only way I know how... I got her fucking shit faced (she hates it). ANYTHING I put in me ends up in her because of our physical connection. She has less of a tolerance so it affects her more. If I'm drunk, she's essentially passed out. I got just about there, just shy of it, so I knew she'd be in rough shape. It's amazing the level of honesty that state brings out of her when she really wants me to stop drinking. I used to feel bad about doing that her... Not after what she did to me. I need to maintain my sanity using whatever tools I have available and alcohol is unfortunately one of the most effective. So fucking be it.

So I got some truths out of her last night I thought others here might find helpful. I think I'm starting to understand what all this is about... And I'm not sure you're gonna like it. There assuredly is a connection to UFO experiences/Abductees and Psi Abilities. If you still aren't there? You need to be. UFOs aren't the only thing we've been lied to about.

Our Friends up above want me to feel and come across as crazy so I DO get medicated. Their interest in us has always been about our abilities. I think our abilities scare them... Like they see them as weapons we can use against them. My Passenger has been telling me she's depressed all the time and wants me to get on antidepressants to help her. She's been asking me to eat sour candy until I get on them because she claims it also helps her depression.... I had a fucking light bulb moment yesterday before I started drinking... That it might never have been about her, but how the meds WOULD affect me...

It was fucking ANGER that helped me rip myself out of a paralysis event a couple weeks ago. And it seriously scared her and Our Friends, I think, none of them saw it coming. My abilities became stronger and that's how I managed to literally rip myself out of it. I forcefully pulled my right arm out of the event (I actually felt pressure on it release) and slammed it into the bed repeatedly while telling them forcefully "NO", over and over. The overhead deep humming disappeared and the paralysis event ramped down, allowing me to move again.

So it begged the question: Do antidepressants and sour candy affect anger, too? As luck would have it... SMH. I began to understand that maybe that's why they wanted me on antidepressants, and why they had her plant that seed. I'm not depressed, I was only considering taking them for her. She got REALLY truthful last night after I drank so I wouldn't keep drinking... She gets fucked up faster than me and hates it (She's hungover today 🤣)... And she admitted it. She did want me on antidepressants to decrease my anger level so I'd be weaker. She also admitted she's been lying a lot, telling me a lot of BS that made this situation with her seem more appealing. Future post for that, I think.

Their seeming fear of our abilities made me realize something... I think they ID who's going to be the strongest psi individuals before they're born so they CAN track them throughout their lives. It's why there's such a heavy connection between these experiences and psi abilities. It was never a coincidence. They then step in and minimize people's abilities when they get too strong. For some people it happens earlier in life, so they go through this sooner. I think I'm just a fuckin late bloomer. When they stop a fucking experience because you say no? I think they're ACTUALLY just scared of pissing us off, so we don't learn our abilities get stronger in that moment. I think they DID activate some latent abilities over the last couple months, but so SHE could use them. I think Passengers have their own psi abilities, might be commandeering ours, too, in order to use them against us. It feels like she's been weaponizing my Telepathy against me...

Full post wouldn't fit: Continued in comments.