u/Cryptofanforever

*title

Moral subjectivists change my mind.

I am a Gen Z biracial male, and one of the things earlier on that attracted me to the republican party was its focus on merit, colorblind meritocracy, and individual achievement. In the last few years, I am not sure if this is still the case.

The "Great Replacement Theory," once dismissed as a fringe conspiracy, now gets discussed openly in conservative spaces. I've also seen more people embracing so called "race science" or "race realism", presenting them as if they're established science. Instead of emphasizing what individuals can accomplish regardless of background, the conversation increasingly seems to focus on supposed immutable characteristics and group differences.

That shift has made me uncomfortable. I didn't gravitate toward the right because I believed race should define people. I was drawn to the idea that character and merit mattered more than race. Seeing some younger Republicans move toward racial essentialism has made me question whether this is still the movement for me.

This makes me really sad, because although I lean more moderate, I am still pretty conservative.

I have been homeschooled from kindegarten-12th grade. I have received a decent education and am going to a good college (am actually an honors student!) However, I have almost no social skills. Just the bare minimum, enough to talk to a cashier while checking out groceries. I have been isolated for 12 years, and have no friends, have never talked to a girl, and have never dated anyone. That is what expected when you are isolated during the most developmentally important years of life... I still have hope though. Going to college in autumn, living in a dorm. Have a chance to join clubs, talk to new people, make friends, and date. However, why does my mother expect me to have an active social life and have great social skills when I have zero daily communication with people my age?

I have to rant and then need to ask how to move forward. I am 18 yo male who just finished 12th grade. I am blessed to live in an upper middle-class suburb, which has amazing amenities (schools, rec centers, parks, etc). My father has a good job and makes good money. My mother is a sahm. Since one of my eldest siblings was bullied in an elementary school by a few kids (before I was born) my parents (mostly my mother since my father works all day) have homeschooled us all, taking us out of one of the greatest public-school systems in my state. Homeschooling from kindergarten to 7th grade honestly wasn't that bad. My parents had a good relationship, I had a stable home life, and I was active in sports. My mother was very active in making sure I had a good education, and in my state homeschoolers are required up to a certain point to take certain standardized tests. We took a ton of field trips, went to parks, did new and exciting things. At the end of my 7th grade year I was miles ahead of most of my peers, except maybe socially (wasn't that bad though). Come my eighth grade year that all changed. A lot of things happened to my family (that I won't share here), but it wrecked us. My mother and father fought like cats and dogs every day (yelling at tops of lung, breaking things, etc). My father would go to work, and my mother would be left at home to take care of and homeschool 6 children under 18. (I have 5 sibilings). She stopped being proactive in my education. Instead of teaching like she had done so well before, she bought a bunch of textbooks and expected me to figure it all out. I aged out of many club sports in my community by that time, and the only option sportswise was highschooler sports, which I could not do because I was homeschooled. Any outside interaction with the world dwindled to a halt. From 8th to 12th grade, I have been stuck in my room, staring at a bunch of books and a computer screen, trying to teach myself. I have had mixed success. I was really motivated my 9th and 10th grade year to keep myself educated, but having no contact with the real world, no friends (literally zero) no communication with people my age (only talked to my younger sibilings all years younger than me and my parents) depression set in, and I have found it impossible to do school11th and 12th garde year, and pretty much gave up. At this time the kids I knew earlier on pre-8th grade entered highschool. They made new friends, played sports, got girlfriends, socialized, were taught by good teachers. They got to go to homecoming and prom. They got to experience the classic high school drama. They had stable home lives (mine involved multiple times throughout highschool trying to convince my mom not to unalive herself) They got to go to parties. They got to have a first kiss. They got to talk to girls. (I have never in my life had a conversation with a female around my age longer than 2 minutes) They got to experience all the classic highschool stuff. Btw, the highschool in my town is amazing. New beautiful modern building with state of the art facilities that surpassed even some private colleges. The football field and baseball fields and all sport facilities were top notch. It had great amazing nice teachers and coaches. So many different clubs (countless) and things to do. The kids there aren't jerks and are actually pretty nice (for teens). I missed out on all of this and spent 5 staright years in a single room with no windows staring at a computer screen. Trying to teach myself topics that I should have been taught by a real teacher. My screen time daily was 6+ hours on youtube or social media, because what else was I supposed to do? I was depressed and suicidal, and my mental health was in the garbage. Because I am a smart guy who was edcuated k-7th grade and tried to teach himself some, I scored a 1390 on the SAT, and got in my state's flagship state college, which is pretty well known and has good job placement and a good reputation. I even got into its prestigious honor program thanks to some well written personal essays (I am a good writer). Despite all my parents problems and our dysfunctional home, my parents are helping me pay for college. I am just taking 5k in loans per year which I will pay back post college. I get to stay in dorm for first two years, and an apartment my third year and 4th year on campus. There is some light at the end of the tunnel, and I am better off than so may other people here on this, sub whose stories when I read them break my hearts. But despite this, I can't stop thinking about what could have been. What if I didn't spend my days on social media and locked up in my room, and what if I had friends. What if I could have played sports in high school. What if I could have had a girlfriend or a highschool crush. What if I could have gotten into a better college (I always dreamed about certain ones). If I made it to where I am academically today have 5 years of unschooling, where could I have been if was properly schooled? My town has an amazing 4th of july every year. It is great community event with fireworks and food and all. But it saddens me. I see people my age messing around and playing with their friends, so happy. I see guys holding their girlfriends hands, and kissing during fireworks. I cant get over the fact of what COULD HAVE BEEN. I am an 18 year old guy who has almost no social skills, cant drive (parents just haven't taught me), never ever approached a girl, and have no friends. I have almost no hobbies, since sitting in room 10+ hours a day tends to prevent people from finding some. I have almost no personality. I am a nervous anxious wreck in public. Even worse I have a slight stutter, which in and of itself isn't that big of a deal but combined with my social anxiety it sucks. The only thing that makes me get up everyday is knowing in two months I am going to college, and will be free and indepdent for the first time in my life. But I can't move on. I can't move on from what should have or could have been. I am scared my college experience will suck since I have literally zero social skills. I am scared I will never date, never have the courage to talk to a girl, never kiss someone, never be in a relationship, never have friends. I am so lonely, and have no life experiences whatsoever, and I want to change this. But I need to put this stuff behind me in order to move on, or I will remain paralyzed. I have never told a single soul this stuff before, so writing all of this down is somewhat therapeutic. Tell me, friends, how do I move on from 5 years (almost 25% of my entire life!!) wasted behind a screen. I love my parents. I love my mom. These past 5 years she has been a totally different person than before due to certain unpredictable events. I need to try not to resent my parents. Please tell me it gets better. Please tell me I am not alone. Please tell me it is possible to learn social skills in college and not be a weirdo. I am terrified since reading posts here from college kids saying they had no college experience due to their social anxiety. Tell I will be able to lead a normal life. Please tell me I will find a girl who I like and have the courage to pursue. Please tell me I will be able to move on. Sorry about this rant, but just needed to get this off my chest. If anybody has words of advice, or positive outcomes, tell me below or dm me.

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How feasible is Finance/Computer Science double major? Incoming freshman.