(I’m sorry this is so lengthy and sloppy, I’m kind of a mess rn)
Having no friends is a super weird feeling that I’ve experienced a lot but have grown a tolerance to. I have people in school who I talk with but they only talk to me in that specific class and sometimes over snap or iMessage. The people I talked to the most I don’t talk to anymore except for in class because they would claim that I was their best friend but hung out with me like 3 times and never again or they flaked on me before we even hang out. It used to upset me and I would cry but I’ve learned to just get used to it and stop making plans with people all together. I used to try and rerun every conversation in my head and came up with jokes falling flat or something I said and eventually boiled it down to the way I look. I am pretty big and hate myself for it, I’ve been told over and over again that I will find people that love me for me but it has yet to happen and I’m scared it never will. I feel like I will never find my people no matter what my family tells me and I feel like it’s better to just isolate myself than to keep getting hurt, I just want to be normal and have friends like other kids my age but i don’t think it will happen. Is it still possible for me to find friends because I feel like I’m running out of time (I’m a freshman in highschool) I’m scared to go through the rest of high school like this because I feel like I’m slowly taking a backseat to my own life as I watch everyone around me excel. Is there anything I could do to find peace in the solitude I have? Should I stop talking to people in school altogether? Should I completely cutoff the people who are only school friends or should I hold on to them?