I still remember this time last year
My hair wild in the garden
Sun caressing my skin
Like the thoughts of where your hands could go
And the bright memory
Of my own fullness
And the freedom of fearlessness
When I had that silent certainty
that there was still time ahead of me.
We talked for a matter of days
You were sweet, but not sensible.
I had a chaotic two days,
Only willing to reply when able
It seems in the time in between,
Your thoughts became somewhat unstable.
I picked up phone at length, ready to type out my response
Only to find your picture gone, your face unmatched
What a hasty plan to hatch
Now you'll never know,
Oh, dash.
Shadows encroach spikily, in a theatrical charcoal menace,
Playing puppets on the walls in the lamplight
Daring to darken the edges of your vision
With paper cut-out-edged trickery
As you turn to see
What isn't really there.
I wondered this as it seems to go over à lot of similar ground to the twin flame thing with this in that it's all about letting go of need for control/believing in your inner power but trusting that the best outcome will prevail for you.
I'm in a particularly upsetting situation as my person is married and I've never even had the chance to meet them in person, so I often get very triggered by the existence of this other party and their extrême closeness to him. I feel if I could stop caring as much (and I mean genuinely stop caring, not just pretend that the situation doesn't exist because that's just delaying the problem), then that would help me a lot.
Do you think that manifestation would help with this, and also is it generally a helpful practice in a twin flame situation?
Sometimes I think it's getting better.
But then I remember that it's not me that's getting to spend the small moments with you. Or the big. Or any.
And everything feels unreal somehow. I don't even want to try and find someone else anymore. It seems pointless.
I want to know the details of what goes on in your day. Even the boring things. The more boring, the better, even. I just want to be that close.
And the thought that I will never be, breaks my heart all over again.
Maybe love just isn't for me.
Maybe it will never find me.