u/Curious-Lurkerxo

So I had a disagreement with one of my best friends today where she got frustrated with me not attending things after she invited me because I asked. I know I am sorta in the wrong where I asked, even if it was generically, I still didnt attend some things because the timing turned out bad. I.e. the time to travel vs being there didnt make it seem worth it, as an introvert, needed time to recover after 1 full and half day at another friends house, the day before. But the way it seemed like she was holding things against me by explaining her reasoning about her actions was using what she did in the past for me as a "when I wasn't mentally well, I still showed up, when you asked". And she was expecting me to do the same. Keep in mind these past experiences were over 5 or 6 years ago. I never remember or keep score of the things I do for her and expect the same in return etc.

These past few days, maybe a week might have slowly crept in on me. I was actually so glad in addition with the sun being out more. But feeling sense of loneliness from mourning a loss of a relationship, hearing the end of a friend group, distancing myself to put distance between my ex and friends, friends being busy with their own schedules... I started to feel lonely.

I noticed the stuff I used to distract myself in the last stopped working after 5 months... and im missing the deeper connections. Tried meeting people online but noticed how hyperfixated and affected I get when I notice something slightly off in their behaviour..on weekends I have my family around me, but I dont know why something is still eating away at me, and I dont know what to do in the meantime.