u/Curiousjlynn

my husband works, 7-4pm. Baby is 7 weeks today. He has never done a night shift.

I recently was so sleep deprived my MIL stayed with us and took baby for three nights. I slept. For the first time in 6 weeks.

I realized so much anxiety I was having was due to lack of sleep.

Baby didn’t sleep well last night. Like 0 sleep. At 5:30 I woke my husband up in the spare bedroom and asked him to feed her and be with her until he wakes for work. Just an hour.

He said to me, I only slept 6 hours. I said I slept 0.

He said you slept yesterday. Because I got four broken hours of sleep.

And then he said when I get home from work you get a few hours to yourself. I don’t get that.

I’m just stunned. I take 2-3 hours I shower and sleep when he gets home.

He said he doesn’t get that. Like what did he think working and having a baby would be like.

I am so confused. He has been a terrible partner. He basically thinks he provides income so he doesn’t have to take care of us in any other way.

I’m thinking of leaving him. I’m already doing this alone.

Maybe I’ll sleep tomorrow.

I rarely get cold sores. I have been getting them since I was 18 I am 34 now. Usually three times a year. I have a Valtrex script but it’s only to take when I fee one coming on. Like take four and 12 hours later take four.

I am so careful. My husband has never caught it.

Today I kissed my baby 6weeks, this morning. I also warmed a bottle in the warmer and put it near my lips/mouth to make sure the nipple wasn’t too hot. (I’ll never do that again)

That was at 9 this morning. I took a nap around 11 and woke up at 1 with a the little bump I always get. I took my valtrex and haven’t kissed and washed hands religiously since.

I am so scared she is going to develop them and worse a serious reaction that can make her go blind? Affect her heart and brain and liver.

I didn’t think I could never kiss her because I get cold sores. I didn’t notice anything then. Now I’m terrified.

I’ve read on Reddit parents have done this and it’s been ok.

Has anyone experienced this? I feel so guilty. I am so strict with hygiene and safety. I can’t beleive I did this. I didn’t feel it. I could never forgive myself.

I have taken my valtrex and don’t have any visible blisters just the little bump I usually get and stop it from continuing.

My 5 week old (today) slept 12 am to 4:30 and then 5:30 to 8 am.

This is the most sleep I’ve had in in 5 weeks.

I just had to share. Will it keep up? Probably not but I slept! I slept!!

I have a four week old, I am I a first time mom and had a difficult pregnancy. I miscarried in June, then when we got pregnant again I started bleeding a lot. It was a subchorionic hemorrhage. Bled until 12 weeks. That was scary in itself.

I was high risk for preeclampsia. Developed hypertension early on. By 22 weeks I needed an emergency cerclage and was on restrictions until I was induced due to preeclampsia which turned into an emergency c section.

I did everything I could to keep her safe.

I am now with my baby overnight and all day because my husband works. He takes baby 7-midnight so I can get uninterrupted sleep.

However I feel so anxious about everything. I don’t want him to clean bottles, make formula. I take care of everything. I dress her in what she wears, I restock all the baby things, diapers, clothes, wipes, formula.

I basically have decided on everything for her, down to swaddles and what I deem safe (following recommendations) safe sleep, how much she eats, how much gas drops she gets. Ect

I do this because I feel like if I don’t he will make a mistake. Ontop of this, when he is with the baby I can’t rest. I hate the way he picks her up, I hate the way he feeds her. I worry about him falling asleep with her (he hasn’t done this) I worry after a day of work he won’t have patience with her and something will go wrong. He isn’t as attentive as I am, or that’s how I see it.

I correct him a lot. This I don’t think makes him feel good. But I can’t stop. I am an ECE. I worked with infants and toddlers for 5 years before this so I have more experience/patience I think.

When I have my time to sleep, I literally can’t. I listen and worry. Often I’ll go downstairs and take over because I have so much anxiety. I am so burnt out and feel awful.

I’m feel awful that I don’t trust him, and I don’t know why.

I feel awful because I’m mentally doing everything. I am her primary caregiver and I feel I know her better than he does.

Is this PPA? Should I get help? Is it normal?

Any other new moms have this feeling?