need outside reassurance 28F dating 29M
my (28F) partner (29M) have been together for a little over 10 months, and i'm finally coming to terms with his alcoholism and have realized this isn't what i want for the rest of my life. i'm planning to talk with him this weekend about everything and needing a break, at minimum. he needs to seek help independently of me, i can't be his girlfriend AND his therapist/social worker (my actual job).
i've known from the start that he is a heavy drinker, but it's progressively gotten worse and i've started to see the reality of it more and more the past 2 months since he moved in temporarily. we have signed a lease for late june for a place of our own, but i don't want to live like/with this.
he will come home from work and have at least 6-8 beers per night during the week, and then on the weekends the same or more, plus liquor. This past weekend he had an entire bottle (1 L) of tito's and plenty of beers saturday, then sunday did the same but with tequila and beers. he will black out at least once per weekend, and will usually end up passed out on the couch for the rest of the day/night. he will also randomly call people repeatedly when he is alone and drunk, many of them being girl friends. i recently found text messages of him telling one of them he wanted to be friends with them again, and "love you sweet pea", which she was really confused about and told him to stop calling her. there's probably more i have no idea about
during the past 10 months, there have been at least 2-3 times where he has missed an entire week's worth of work due to being on a bender, and then random days here and there for being too hungover. i constantly worry about how if he will get too drunk when we go to a family event, friend hangout, etc. he's never been violent towards me, but his behavior when drunk is annoying and embarrassing.
he minimizes all of this by saying he isn't acting "that bad", and tries to reason with himself and the concerns i have by saying "at least i'm not a violent or abusive drunk", referring to how his dad and step-dad were during his childhood. he once told me to stop being a baby when i expressed some concerns and ended up crying because he started nodding off during the convo from being so drunk. the way he plays it all off makes me feel like i'm going crazy and overreacting at times. he has moments where he recognizes that his drinking is problematic, but told me this past weekend that he has no intention of stopping.
am i valid in my feelings and decision to ask for a break (at minimum)?
Cross posted to alanon + relationships