u/CuteBananaCat

So I started stalking my LOs WhatsApp to see when was the last time he was active , then I get extremely jealous when it doesn’t line up with the last time he spoke with me . He used to have that feature turned off , but now its turned on so everyone can see it . It’s what I do all day . I check his WhatsApp every few minutes . I feel like I’m going insane . I can’t study for exams or do my work because I keep stalking him . And he’s so active on there too, he’s like constantly chatting with others based on his activity … I don’t speak to that many people and now I feel so insecure … it’s ruining me . I’m genuinely going insane

I deleted all of my social media except WhatsApp and Reddit years ago when I realised I had this problem and it helped a lot . Yet it looks like I keep finding ways to stalk people . I can’t delete WhatsApp because it’s my only way of communicating with others . What do I do

Call me a man hater , I don’t care .

In the past I used to idealise straight relationships so much, and I used to cry every night wishing I was at least bisexual so I could live a “normal” life.

Growing up , I exclusively had girl friends , I barely even interacted with boys up until recently , when I became close with this guy . I don’t know what was I expecting , but becoming friends with him opened my eyes to the harsh reality of men and the male brain .

He is really kind, respectful, overall a very empathetic person which is shocking honestly. I never met a man that was as emotionally intelligent as him. Because of this , I tought that maybe , he is different from the rest . I kept thinking “ wow, his future girlfriend will be so lucky” . Sometimes I wished I was straight so I could be in a relationship with him ( please don’t crucify me , I promise I’m a lesbian, I was just dealing with a lot of comphet and internalised homophobia, I was never attracted to this guy in any way, shape or form) . In my mind he was the ideal man.

Little did I know , I was very, very naive to think that . I tought he was perfect because I didn’t fully know him yet . One day we were drinking and we started showing each other stuff we saved on instagram . His was FULL of OF girls and women posting sexually provocative content. And it was women with fake boobs, BBLs, and lip fillers. Most pictures were edited too, the proportions were way off , to the point where nobody looks like that irl. I was so shocked , since I didn’t expect that from him ? We talked about our crushes before and I tought he liked the more natural , clean girl type. I asked him about it and he said that he would fuck those girls he had saved, but wouldn’t date them .

But why are these 2 categories separated ? To me , the women I want to fuck , and the women I want to date , are the same . I don’t have 2 different types that are opposite to each other . And it surprised me how thirsty men are . Yes I am a lesbian and yes I like women but my feed isn’t full of soft core porn . I just don’t understand men. I asked him if he would still consume that content even if he had a girlfriend, and he said yes . He said that he sees nothing wrong with it since he doesn’t know those girls irl and he isn’t romantically involved with them , to him they’re just “ images on a screen” . I got the ick so bad .

It made me realise that men, no matter how good they can be as people , are still men at the end of the day . And most men are horrible partners . Imagine being a loving wife who’s juggling between working , raising her kids , taking care of the house and keeping her husband satisfied, and your useless bum husband still finds a way of disrespecting you. Or he cheats on you after u give birth to his kids because u gained weight and he doesn’t find u attractive anymore . Nevermind the emotional connection u had . Not to mention that 99.99999% of men watch porn , even while in a relationship and many of them are addicted to it. And it’s just something u have to accept as a straight woman. I could never . I’d honestly rather stay single .

Another example of men being trash is my dad . I consider my parents “ soulmates” it’s clear that they love each other a lot , even after 26 years of marriage . But my dad still found a way to cheat on my mom , even if he loves her . Because men’s brain separates romantic feelings from sexual feelings . And I find that so sad . Because to me it’s all connected . When I love someone , I can’t thing of anyone else sexually , even if I wanted to . But men aren’t like that and it’s so sad . Most straight women will never be loved the way they deserve .

Being a lesbian isn’t easy either . Women can be very manipulative in order to get what they want and use you . Not to mention the minuscule dating pool , where you can throw your preferences out the window, u have to pretty much settle for what u can get or stay single . But its still better than dating men .

Being a lesbian is truly the biggest blessing I never asked for . I couldn’t even imagine being straight.

I love women- not just in a lesbian way but also as people , as friends , as coworkers, etc. I feel so comfortable and happy when I’m surrounded with women . It’s a sense of calm and peace that genuinely regulates my nervous system . I’m glad that I have the possibility of marrying a woman and having a wife . If I could choose my sexuality, I would still choose to be a lesbian . I’m proud of it and I’m not ashamed of who I am anymore .