u/CuteKermit14

I am really struggling with my depression and I don’t know how to pull myself out of this spiral.

Background: I have been dealing with depression since I graduated from college. I was able to pull myself to a better place around 2021. However, family estrangement after my marriage in 2023 and the reelection of Trump in 2024 cratered all the progress I had made. I feel worse than I have ever felt.

The worst part is that I look alright on the surface. I have a loving wife, a stable job, and I am going to school for my Master’s. Yet it feels harder and harder to get out of bed every day. I know this is really affecting my marriage, my finances, and my education. No matter what I do, I seem to be getting worse.

I want to just get into my car with my cats and drive away. Away from the bills, disappointments, and anxiety. But I can’t. I have responsibilities that are harder and harder to meet every day. I am not going to do anything drastic but I just want to feel okay. I want to be able to wake up and be excited for the day. I want to be able to look myself in the mirror without seeing my mother staring back at me. I just want this cloud to go away.

Sorry to vent but I am not sure where else to put this.

I am constantly on edge from how the world is right now. However, it’s not due to the uncertainty or struggles. It’s from the constant parallels with estrangement.

Why do we have to worry about AI? Because a bunch of narcissists and their sycophants believe that they can remove their lessers from the profit generation process and keep all the profits for themselves.

Why are we bombing a bunch of children in foreign countries? Because one man has created a cult of personality that he can weaponize against people he doesn’t like and he wants to seem bigger than he is.

And when you question this? When you push back against a system that caters to the worst people you know? It’s met with minimization, gaslighting, abuse, and death in the worst case scenarios.

It’s awful. I have to watch people like the person I hate most get to ruin not just my future, but any hopes that any children that I might have will never have to live in a world that creates monsters like my mother. It is absolutely exhausting.