u/CuteZookeepergame611

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I honestly don’t know if I’m being too sensitive or if my feelings are valid.

I’ve been with my husband for over 10 years, and it feels like over the years he’s become increasingly dismissive of me. It’s gotten to the point where I question myself and wonder if I’m doing something wrong.

A recent example: I designed some stickers that I was really excited about. I had spent a lot of time working on them and was proud of how they turned out. I showed him a few of the designs, and he kind of smirked and threw his head back. Then when I said, “Okay, I think I finally got it, want to see?” regarding the last design, he just rolled his eyes before I even showed it to him.

It immediately made me feel dismissed and hurt. I told him, “You rolled your eyes. I guess I won’t show you.” He didn’t really say much.

This isn’t a one-time thing. It feels like whenever I’m excited about something, he points out the negative, acts uninterested, or responds in a way that makes me feel like I’m bothering him.

Another thing is that when I’m joking around or trying to be funny, he’ll sometimes give a half-hearted laugh and then say, “Shut up.” I know some couples joke like that, but it doesn’t feel playful to me. It feels like I’m being brushed off.

When I bring up how these things make me feel, his response is usually “whatever” or no response at all.

The reason this bothers me so much is because I already struggle with social anxiety and self-confidence. When the person closest to me reacts this way, it makes me wonder if I’m annoying, not funny, or if people just don’t enjoy being around me.

The sad part is that when I really think about it, I can’t remember the last time he seemed genuinely excited for me, proud of me, or interested in something just because it mattered to me.

I’m not expecting him to love every idea I have or be enthusiastic about every hobby, but I do want to feel like my spouse cares about the things that make me happy.

So I guess my question is: Am I being too sensitive, or would you also feel hurt by this behavior? For those who have been in long-term relationships, is this normal, or is it a sign of a bigger issue?

TL;DR: Married 10+ years. My husband frequently rolls his eyes, dismisses things I’m excited about, tells me to “shut up” when I’m joking around, and responds with “whatever” when I express my feelings. I struggle with social anxiety, and it’s making me question myself. Am I overreacting, or would this hurt you too?

I (38F) have been married to my husband (36M) for 10 years. I don’t drink at all. He does sometimes.

We went out with friends recently and he was drinking. At one point, he told our friends he married me because I don’t drink and could always be his DD. I brushed it off as a dumb joke.

Later, when we were leaving (and I was, of course, driving), he said it again this time directly to me, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but the only reason I married you is because you don’t drink and you can always be my DD.”

That didn’t feel like a joke.

I asked him if that was seriously the only reason. He added, “Well, your personality too and how you manage life,” which honestly sounded like a half-assed save.

When I asked him what that even meant, he got annoyed and told me to stop pressuring him. So I dropped it because he was drunk and I wasn’t about to argue in the car.

Now I’m stuck thinking about it. After 10 years of marriage, it’s a pretty crappy feeling to wonder if your husband married you for something that shallow.

TL;DR: Drunk husband said he married me so I could be his designated driver. Tried to backtrack, then got defensive when I asked questions. Now I’m questioning everything.

I (38F) have been married to my husband (36M) for 10 years. I don’t drink at all. He does sometimes.

We went out with friends recently and he was drinking. At one point, he told our friends he married me because I don’t drink and could always be his DD. I brushed it off as a dumb joke.

Later, when we were leaving (and I was, of course, driving), he said it again—this time directly to me: “Don’t take this the wrong way, but the only reason I married you is because you don’t drink and you can always be my DD.”

That didn’t feel like a joke.

I asked him if that was seriously the only reason. He added, “Well, your personality too and how you manage life,” which honestly sounded like a half-assed save.

When I asked him what that even meant, he got annoyed and told me to stop pressuring him. So I dropped it because he was drunk and I wasn’t about to argue in the car.

Now I’m stuck thinking about it. After 10 years of marriage, it’s a pretty crappy feeling to wonder if your husband married you for something that shallow.

TL;DR: Drunk husband said he married me so I could be his designated driver. Tried to backtrack, then got defensive when I asked questions. Now I’m questioning everything.