u/Cute_Complaint_3122

My ex and her parents abused me for half a year. I was constantly humiliated, called names, and threatened with a breakup if I didn't do what she wanted. She broke up with me three months ago.

I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD by a psychiatrist (not self-diagnosed), and I am still taking antidepressants.

My ex never acknowledged, even for a second, that she mistreated me. She denied that she was abusive and claimed that I was only suffering because of my own weakness and emotional immaturity. She even accused me of pretending to be sick and manipulating my psychiatrist and therapist.

For the past nine months, I have been suffering from severe mental illness. I experience intense panic attacks that sometimes leave me unable to work. Sometimes I burst into tears in public when it happens. I can't stop ruminating. I can't fall asleep without sleeping pills, and I have nightmares almost every night.

I never received a single apology. When I asked for one, she simply replied, "Why would I do that?" Then she used DARVO tactics, insisting that everything that happened to me was somehow my own fault and that I deserved the way I was treated.

She continues living her life. I went no-contact after the breakup, so I don't know how she's doing, but I assume she's doing just fine. She has never faced any consequences for abusing me. Meanwhile, I'm the one left here suffering from the mental illnesses and trauma that she caused.

I feel like I'm being consumed by hatred. Why were they allowed to treat me like this? How can they do these things to me, face no consequences whatsoever, and still believe that they were completely in the right?

My ex and I broke up three months ago. We were together for 2.5 years. The last year of our relationship was quite toxic, and during the final months we became mutually abusive toward each other.

She and her parents constantly humiliated me to the point that I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD by a psychiatrist (not self-diagnosed), and I have been on antidepressants ever since. She would often trigger my panic attacks by saying hurtful things. I don't think she did it deliberately, but at the very least she was ignorant of my condition and continued doing it even after I repeatedly begged her to stop.

There were times when she would say things that I had warned her many times would trigger a panic attack, watch me break down, and then tell me she wanted to break up because I was emotionally immature. It was so terrible that I had to take Xanax whenever I saw her. When she learned about my diagnosis, she laughed at my mental illness and said I was pretending to be sick. She told me that if I was ill, it was because of my own weakness and had nothing to do with her.

At the same time, I know I was not a perfect victim. Whenever I was triggered, I often yelled at her and called her names. I said terrible things, calling her disgusting, amoral, evil, despicable, and so on, especially when she triggered a panic attack. In the final month, her mere presence was often enough to make me feel unsafe and trigger a panic attack. There were times when she hadn't really done anything wrong, yet I suddenly found myself yelling at her.

During our last fight, I yelled that I wanted her to die. We have been no-contact ever since.

Yes, I know she treated me terribly. But I also know that I treated her terribly. We were mutually abusive. I don't want to use my mental illness as an excuse for my behavior. I know how much I hurt her. At this point, I don't really care whether she apologizes for her behavior or not, and I don't want her back (neither does her, AFAIK). It's just that I think I could have handled things better, and I know she was hurt because of my words.

We never accused each other of being abusive. It was just my own judgment that we were mutually abusive.

Should I apologize for my part in what happened?

I’m struggling tonight. I keep dreaming about my ex, and I honestly hate myself for still feeling this way.

We were together for two and a half years. Looking back, there were plenty of red flags early on, though it didn't become truly abusive until the final months. When things were calm, she was an incredible partner. But the second a conflict arose, it was like a switch flipped. Every time we argued, it ended with me curled up crying, while my feelings and needs were treated as "problems" she had to solve or get rid of.

She ended up being the one to break it off. It’s been three months since the breakup, and last night I had another dream where we were just… happy. I woke up with such a heavy heart, and I find myself romanticizing the good parts, desperately wanting to go back to that version of her, even though I know deep down it’s impossible and wouldn’t be healthy.

I just feel so stuck. How long does this actually take? I’m exhausted by how much I still miss her despite knowing what she put me through.

I (25M) broke up with my ex (23F) two months ago. Looking back, I’ve started to wonder whether I was abused by my ex.

Long story short: my ex went through surgery, and she asked me to stay at the hospital to take care of her. While I was helping her adjust her clothes, her father shouted at me. My ex did not intervene. She just watched me being shouted.

After that, her father left without any explanation. I approached her mother to ask what happened. She said he had no ill intent and was just trying to “protect his daughter from me.” While she didn’t say it explicitly, it strongly implied that I was sexually assaulting my ex, something I am absolutely certain I never did and never would. (I’ve worked in sexual violence prevention, so I take this very seriously.)

Again, my ex said nothing to stop her mother from implying this. For the next three days, I was repeatedly accused of being an offender and a person of bad moral character.

I was angry and frustrated, and I sent some texts expressing how upset I was about how her parents treated me. (I admit I shouldn’t have done that.) Without my knowledge or consent, she showed those messages to her parents.

After I left the hospital, my ex sent me a letter written by her mother. It again implied that I was a sexual offender, criticized my character, and blamed me for arguing with my ex (which her mother knew about because she had read my private messages).

My ex later claimed that she didn’t think her mother was actually accusing me and that I was overthinking and being too sensitive. She also said I was emotionally immature and unstable, and that I should have stayed quiet when her parents mistreated me. She threatened to break up with me if I didn’t let it go.

After all this, I was diagnosed with major depression and PTSD-like symptoms. My psychiatrist recommended trauma-informed therapy, and both my psychiatrist and therapist considered this a traumatic experience. I am still under medication and therapy to this day. My lawyer also said that what they did could constitute a crime (in my country), and that I could consider a restraining order, though I chose not to.

After that, for about six months, my ex repeatedly told me that I deserved the way her parents treated me. She acknowledged that I was mentally ill, but claimed it was entirely due to my emotional instability, and that she and her parents had absolutely no responsibility for what happened to me.

She denied that her parents had hurt me verbally. She said everything, including her father shouting at me and her mother accusing me, was my imagination. She claimed that it was me being too sensitive, and that my mental illness was my own fault.

At some point, I started to believe this. I thought everything might really be my fault, that I was too emotionally unstable and lacked anger management, and that everything is my imagination. It was my therapist who eventually helped me start questioning that belief. Even now, I still sometimes struggle to fully accept that I was mistreated.

While I recognize that her parents treated me badly, I never thought of my ex as abusive. She never shouted at me, humiliated me, or called me names. I also don’t think she was intentionally gaslighting me, as I believe she genuinely believed what she was saying. Yet I feel that something was just wrong.

But after the breakup, and after talking with my therapist, I started to wonder: Was I in an abusive relationship?

I now feel a strong sense of resentment toward my ex. She never stood up for me when she should have, and she denied any wrongdoing by herself or her parents and refused to take any accountability. I never got an apology, and they never faced any consequences for hurting me. How do I get rid of all this resentment?

I (25M) broke up with my ex (23F) two months ago. Looking back, I’ve started to wonder whether I was abused by my ex.

Long story short: my ex went through surgery, and she asked me to stay at the hospital to take care of her. While I was helping her adjust her clothes, her father shouted at me. My ex did not intervene. She just watched me being shouted.

After that, her father left without any explanation. I approached her mother to ask what happened. She said he had no ill intent and was just trying to “protect his daughter from me.” While she didn’t say it explicitly, it strongly implied that I was sexually assaulting my ex, something I am absolutely certain I never did and never would. (I’ve worked in sexual violence prevention, so I take this very seriously.)

Again, my ex said nothing to stop her mother from implying this. For the next three days, I was repeatedly accused of being an offender and a person of bad moral character.

I was angry and frustrated, and I sent some texts expressing how upset I was about how her parents treated me. I admit I shouldn’t have done that, especially considering she had just gone through surgery. Without my knowledge or consent, she showed those messages to her parents.

After I left the hospital, my ex sent me a letter written by her mother. It again implied that I was a sexual offender, criticized my character, and blamed me for arguing with my ex (which her mother knew about because she had read my private messages).

My ex later claimed that:

• she didn’t realize I "misinterpreted" her mother’s words as accusations
• she didn’t think her mother was actually accusing me
• I was overthinking and being too sensitive
• everything was just my imagination

She also said I was emotionally immature and unstable, and that I should have stayed quiet when her parents mistreated me. She threatened to break up with me if I didn’t let it go.

After all this, I was diagnosed with major depression and PTSD-like symptoms. My psychiatrist recommended trauma-informed therapy, and both my psychiatrist and therapist considered this a traumatic experience. I am still under medication and therapy to this day. My lawyer also said that what they did could constitute a crime (in my country), and that I could consider a restraining order, though I chose not to.

After that, for about six months, my ex repeatedly told me that I deserved the way her parents treated me. She acknowledged that I was mentally ill, but claimed it was entirely due to my emotional instability, and that she and her parents had “no responsibility” for what happened.

She denied that her parents had hurt me verbally. She said everything, including her father shouting at me and her mother accusing me, was my imagination. She claimed that her parents tend to talk like that, and it was me being too sensitive, and that my mental illness was my own fault.

At some point, I started to believe this. I thought everything might really be my fault, that I was too emotionally unstable and lacked anger management, and that everything is my imagination. It was my therapist who eventually helped me start questioning that belief. Even now, I still sometimes struggle to fully accept that I was mistreated.

While I clearly recognize that her parents treated me badly, I never thought of my ex as abusive. She never shouted at me, humiliated me, or called me names. I also don’t think she was intentionally gaslighting me, as I believe she genuinely believed what she was saying.

But after the breakup, and after talking with my therapist, I started to wonder: Was I in an abusive relationship?

I now feel a strong sense of resentment toward my ex. I start to believe that she mistreated me and never stood up for me when she should, and she denied taking any accountability. How do I get rid of all the resentment?