Narcissistic mom
Im currently 21F when I was 17-19 I had a boyfriend of 2 years. It became a toxic relationship quickly and he turned out to be lustful and absolutely insufferable. I introduced him to my mom (50 at the time) a few months after we started dating and things were fine at first. But eventually I started to notice little things, like my mom would wear low cut shirts around him, or yoga pants, or just rub herself against him and make it seem like it was an accident in passing. He told me about it at first and made it seem like he was uncomfortable and that she just lacked special awareness. I believed it at first until I started noticing for myself, she’d also make comments to me about how she wished she had my hair type or my skin complexion. It made me uncomfortable to hear those things coming from her bc I had no idea how to react. I could never bring it up to her because I knew she’d absolutely spazz out and turn it all on me calling me disrespectful and a bunch of other names. She’d guilt trip me like she always does about how she grew up in the projects with rats and roaches and how her life was so hard, how lucky my siblings and I are to have the lives she gave us. She was never really a good parent emotionally at all, but in terms of providing necessities for her children, she excelled in that. So I kept all these things to myself while also dealing with a shitty boyfriend. There was once a time in the closer end to our relationship where she came downstairs with no pants on (just a shirt and underwear) while he was still in my house preparing to leave. My siblings and I were all there, she acted like she was coming downstairs to tell us something but she knew he didn’t leave because it had only been about a minute since she went upstairs. She could definitely also hear us all talking, so when she got downstairs and saw him she was just giggling like “oh I thought he left already”. It was 100% intentional, my siblings and I didn’t even know what to say. They aren’t as observant as I am so they didn’t give it much thought, but when you add the context, her intentions were very clear. I broke up with that ex because he eventually ended up asking me for a threesome and described in great detail how he was sexually attracted to my mom. There was also a time where she was wearing a robe waiting at the top of the stairs and as he was about to leave, she was persistent in making sure I brought him at the top of the stairs so she could “talk to him” all she said was goodbye and she kept trying to prolong the conversation to make sure he noticed her not wearing any underwear as he was looking up speaking to her. She’s also very controlling about what I do with my body (there’s always an argument if I want to dye my hair, or dare to even get a piercing or tattoo). She always gives me some weird ass waiting period for me to change my appearance and gives invalid reasons that make no sense. I lost my virginity at 16 to my first boyfriend and she found a condom in my room which is how she found out. She hit me a bunch of times for like 2 days, called me whore, slut, etc, pulled my hair and screamed and cursed at me. Told me she’d sew my vagina shut. Told me she didn’t care if I killed myself. I have such a deep resentment towards her, I hate living in this house and I cannot wait for the day I’m able to move out on my own. I really hate to say it because I love my mom, but once she passes on I’ll feel such a strong sense of relief along with the grief. I will get over it, but my freedom is something that is more important to me. It’s not fair for me to keep living like this. Whenever she tries to talk to me or hang out with me I feel so irritated and suffocated. I don’t tell her anything about my life, especially not my sex life. I know that if I introduced any future boyfriends to my mom, she’d do the same weird competitive thing and try to subtly seduce them. She thinks very highly of herself and always compares other parents to herself saying that my siblings and I have suchhh a wonderful mom and we should be so very grateful to have her bc a lot of parents are not good. She never thinks she’s wrong, she has anger issues, and is extremely intrusive. Sometimes she gets angrier than I do when guys check me out, I know it’s mostly jealousy than actual concern for her daughter’s safety. She’s harsher on me than my brothers. She also cannot fathom the fact that I am never having kids. She thinks having children is the purpose of life and it brings people a life purpose. That is absolutely not my life path. She tries to tell me I’m negative and I’m gonna be depressed and I’m gonna be sorry for not having kids, but truth is I know she has resentment towards me because I’m making the choice to live my life for me. She used to tell us that she should’ve only had one kid or none. We grew up hearing a lot of terrible things she’d say to us. She acts like she never said them and when we bring it up, she turns it into a guilt trip about her hard life growing up. I just don’t know what to do, I have no one to talk to. So here I am. I just want to move out and be free. I won’t really talk to her much once I move out. We got into a huge fight because she realized I was stretching my ears and she threw away my gauges. Hit me with a belt and got upset cuz I clenched my fist out of instinct. She threatened to fight me with a knife. I will never see her the same and I have lost so much respect for her.