Normally I do a lot of Gothic clown Pierrot/jester inspired makeup, but I decided to go with a more simple modern goth makeup, it wasn't my first attempt for sure, but I am proud of the turnout :))
So, me and my ex girlfriend broke up, we were together for almost 2 years, and even though I absolutely loved her dearly, I recognized I started becoming aviodant, and I was very mentally checked out of the relationship for a number of internal reasons, I truly will always love her with all my heart, and I initiated the breakup because we lost ourselves in our relationship and I didn't want to keep hurting her and continue our cycles, we both had agreed it's for the best, and we want to be friends in the future
Since the breakup, I was destroyed for like 2 days, I had an incredibly intense and idk traumatic week, but ultimately I ended up feeling very numb, self sabotaging, overusing substances, I don't know how to cope but at the same time I feel so numb and detached from my stressors, especially the breakup, I feel so guilty for that, I should feel destroyed I truly do love her and I miss her but I just I don't know if I didnt love her as much as I thought I did and that terrifies me because I loved with all I could give and I had to let her go we were toxic and I wanted her to be happy :(
But I made a friend, and at first all I wanted, intended and saw him as in all shapes and forms was a friend, and we have a really good dynamic, we both recently went through hard breakups and we said we had no other intentions and I really liked that about us especially since I made it clear I don't think I should be in a relationship, and I know deep down I'm still getting over my previous relationship, but 2 days ago, I feel like suddenly everything changed, it seemed like he was being flirty with me here or there but I previously redirected it and friend zoned him, but now I feel such a deep infatuation with him I feel so intense about him romantically and I want to pursue something but I don't think either of us are there yet and I realized I've given extremely mixed signals
I just,, I don't know why I like him but I can think of so many reasons on why I do, but regarding my breakup, why do I feel such an intense limerance for him? Is this common? I feel so guilty and conflicted and I want to be better I feel so alone and so obsessive over this man and it's not healthy right now at all :(
Is this common? And does anyone have advice on this💔 I feel like I'm going insane