u/D2_Az

https://preview.redd.it/hujn58xm3tih1.png?width=2046&format=png&auto=webp&s=79ec3b7201b2aef905b55fb38dff4c64e0d1c48a

I’m living, I’ve got a consciousness. I see everything around me. I can think and have feelings. Everything around me just feels so surreal. Somehow, someway, electric pulses are making me think, see, and hear. There are people who know me. There are people in my life who have their own lives, they think about me from time to time.
Suddenly, the whole world feels like it’s closing in on me.

Does anybody else just start doing something, and while doing it, you realize that it won't continue? You get this feeling where you don't even know why you're still doing it while you're doing it.

Like, I’d start an ambitious project like writing a book. Now, the thing is, I do not believe I can’t fulfill it -- I know full well that I can do it. But part of me just looks at the things I’m already doing now, the things to come (like college), and the time that remains within me, which is very limited. I realize while writing the plan that I just don't understand why I am continuing to write this, knowing full well that time won't be on my side. I’ve got other important things to do and prepare for very soon, and I’d eventually have to stay away from this project for a whole year before being free again.

So, I’d tell myself in my mind to just do the things I can do in the time being -- things that I can actually see get done. Not the ambitious things that take a very long time, knowing full well that I won't grasp enough time to finish them.

And so I write, but I get that feeling as I am writing, telling me: "Man, where is this going? Can't you see you really need a lot of time to do this, and you don't have it? You'll eventually write, yes, but you won't finish. So when the time comes to leave this for a while, or maybe forever, you'll realize that you could've spent that time on something satisfying -- something that will eventually be rewarding, not something you know full well you can't finish with whatever time you've got left."