u/DIYDaughter

I haven't heard this song in ages. How is it that Tori Amos is 63?!? And I'm almost 52?!?

I'm going through an emotionally charged time right now, and damn. That song was released in my last year of high school, when the world held so many more possibilities than it feels like now at my age, and I had so much room and time to grow. My life is far from over (at least I hope so) and I know I'll get through this rough patch, but I hope to find myself and my voice again.

I made a purchase, and that story aside, I’m now getting three emails daily. There was no option to reduce the frequency, if I would consider the brand in the future and wanted to be notified of sales, so I unsubscribed. Is three emails a day typical for the brand - have any of you experienced this? It’s ridiculous to me.

It’s tough to put this into words, because my life hasn’t been bad, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, I’m here because of choices I’ve made, and I know different choices wouldn’t guarantee anything.

But it’s hard being in my early 50s, divorced, no kids, probably not in the best fit of a career, no best friend or longtime friend group, etc.

I’ll never experience anything that comes with having a child or a family of my own.

I never had a partner where the sex was amazing. I didn’t experiment as much as I’d have liked when I was young and with a decent body. But even then, no partner, not even my ex, bought me anything sexy to wear. Now, I’m out of shape and don’t feel good about my body, my partner and I are more like housemates, and even when we did have sex his taste was just vanilla.

I didn’t have a friend group to go out dancing with in college or in my 20s, or to take a spring break trip with. No big shared memories to reminisce or laugh about.

I was the maid of honor in a sibling’s wedding, but never even a bridesmaid for anyone else. I never went to any high school reunions. I know these kinds of events can be disasters, but they’re examples of milestones my life won’t have.

I’m not in the career field I wish I would have pursued, or living in the kind of home I’d prefer to live in. I’m not spending my time the way I’d like for various reasons, and I’m not even sure I’m living according to what I really value anymore.

Anyway... I think what I’m trying to say is, so many doors have shut for good. I feel like I’ve missed out on a lot of opportunities, experiences, rites of passage, whatever… and I feel like maybe I haven’t really lived this one previous life. That I’ve let life happen, in some ways, not realizing how fast time was going and how faint certain chances were growing until they were gone.

Is anyone else feeling this way? Mourning these things, in a sense? And feeling lost when people talk about things that “everyone” did or had that you just… missed out on, or let pass by?

Edit to add: thank you for the comments so far. I’m in tears here, moved by the kindness and support, and will reply to more later. I am also in therapy. For now, I probably need a walk in fresh air. Sending gratitude and love to this group! 🩷

There are times when someone says “feel free to go ahead with ABC” if they don’t have a preference or would be unavailable for something, and it’s helpful. But sometimes (noticeably with younger men in the workplace) it comes across as someone asserting that they or their opinion is essential and they’re giving permission for someone to proceed without.

Context matters, and some may think that’s just a nice thing to say, but I feel like more and more younger people are saying it as some kind of weird flex. Do they seriously think other people (including women in more senior roles) can’t determine what or who is essential on their own?