r/GenXWomen

Been reading more and more about many of us who are taking care of sick and elderly parents, while supporting our own children. We are dealing with job stress and job insecurity, having to be the rock for everyone in the household while also being cooks, nurses, chauffeurs, bankers and ass wipers.

I don't have elderly parents to care for, they passed a long time ago. But I have a disabled husband and an ingrate 27-year old daughter from my teenage pregnancy in 1998 who receives rent money from us every month so she can live on her own.

She has had an estranged relationship from her natural father since she was 8. He keeps getting married to different women who support him for a while and bitterly divorce him after several years because he's a hobosexual. My daughter has been clinging to him for 20 years now while he remains apathetic, disengaged and uninvolved in her life.

She treats me very badly. Never wants to see me or spend any time with me. I moved out of state and offered to move her here and pay for all the expenses but she wants none of it. She just doesn't seem to like me for whatever reason. In fact, it seems like she hates me. She was here in March and I explained to her what is going on in my marriage with my disabled husband who is off his rocker at times and she said to me very plainly, "Well, I don't really give a shit."

What can I do? Nothing. She's my daughter. I can't stop loving her or caring about her. But she has been treating me this way since her dad left when she was 8 and I just don't really know why. Last year I visited her at her apartment (that we pay for every month), and she couldn't wait to get rid of me. Wasn't happy to see me and was relieved when I left.

It's horrible and it's become an irreconcilable part of my life. She's always been shitty to me but now it's starting to weigh on me because at this stage of life you realize you don't have all the time in the world left anymore. I'm getting old too and my only child doesn't give a shit about me when I want so much for her to have a place in my life.

My dad's been sick this past week - sudden hospitalization, surgery, and now a long recovery - so I've been at the hospital a lot, dealing with all the things that come with aging parents.

It's also the first week of school for my elementary school aged daughter, so there's all the stuff that goes with that. Plus work and all the other life stuff that doesn't stop, even in an emergency.

My husband was out of town when this all went down, so for the first few days it was just my daughter and me. I was exhausted but managing.

Then somehow when he came home, instead of me getting some breathing room because he can now help out, I suddenly have more to do? I thought he'd pick up some slack, but instead I find myself spending more time justifying why we need to go to the hospital at this time instead of another time, explaining why no we can't skip this or yes this is why we have to skip this other thing, and so on.

I think this is just a vent. I need to get this out of my system, it's been a long few days, but why is it more work to manage things when he's here vs when he isn't?!? Help me work through this here so I don't blow up at him later. 🤣

Edit: Removed a couple specific details about our situation to make them less recognizable.

Not going to pretend I'm unbiased here, she's my mom, but I promise this isn't just me being nice! My mom (Marjorie) and her best friend started a podcast called The Elusive Dick Podcast about dating in your 50s and 60s, and it's been her dream for as long as I can remember. She finally just did it, at an age where a lot of people tell themselves it's too late to start something new, and I think that alone deserves some love!

She is, without a doubt, the funniest person I have ever met in my life! Not "funny for a mom" funny, actually funny! The podcast is her and her best friend being hilariously honest about the chaos of dating apps and starting over later in life, and somehow it's just as entertaining if you're not even in that stage yet. My college friends listen every week, unprompted, which is how I know it's not just me being biased.

It's a small show right now, but the episodes are genuinely well made and funny, and I'd love for more people to find it. Watching her put herself out there like this has honestly been really inspiring to watch as her kid, and I think it could be helpful to others also!

It's on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, anywhere you listen. 

I am the lowest ranking member in my team as a project manager.

I regularly juggle diverse and complex tasks for a large team without any support other than my own brain. Sometimes I have to ask questions to get the job done and these people either act annoyed or don’t answer me at all/cancel meetings at the last minute.

I’m fed up - I work all day to make these peoples lives easier and they can’t treat me with an ounce of respect.

Colleagues will make excuses such as “well she’s going through a divorce right now” - I don’t fucking care. I have gone through so many rough times on this planet and I still managed to show respect to my colleagues who have been nothing but nice and helpful to me. If I can’t manage for whatever reason, I let them know without leaving them hanging.

As a lowest ranking member of this team in a terrible job market - do you have any suggestions on how to make this improve without getting fired? I’m two seconds from going off on these people.

I feel like a schlub who they think they can walk all over because I’m “nice”, but they don’t know the other side of me. (Work full time from home, so hard to share my entire personality.)

Thanks!

If you guys have the time I'd love to hear about what your beauty routines looked like! Especially if any of you were militant about it (my character is a very type A personality). From waking, to face washing, creams, hair. What did you do before you stepped out the door?

What do you miss most about the 80s? What details could you only know if you lived in it? The smell of certain stores, the atmosphere of malls, things that aren't around anymore-- anything and everything is really appreciated!

Probably a hot take, but I HATE the jeans and pants in stores right now. I’m a professor and can dress as casually as i like, and I just wanted one new pair of dark denim jeans for the semester. Everything on the racks is baggy and huge: flares, wide bootcut, bell bottoms, etc.

I wear band tshirts, jeans, docs, and blazers to work like it’s a uniform, and they’ll pry my slim cut, ankle, and skinny jeans from my cold dead hands. But I’ll guess I’ll have to go to EBay and other places like that to get them now.

There was so much variety on the racks up until this summer.

Evening ladies.. I could really use some suggestions if anyone's found something that works... I swear overnight my hair went from decent to super fine, dry, and full of stubborn silver strands right at the temples.. 😩

It's so hard when a few years back this wasnt the case.. boxed dyes lately becoming irritating was not an option when i cant afford good hair treatments in the salon 😞

At 57, I think I need readers. Which I understand is a pretty good run for having never needed any vision correction.

But I'm absolutely gonna be that person who loses them when they're on top of my head.

I’m wondering if my behind is big enough for “not in this economy“.

update: thank you for the responses! appreciate all of yinz!

Maybe I’m being too picky but this reddit group has made me think that I’d love to find some kind of activities/hobbies/fitness classes/groups that are focused on GenX. I feel like everything I see that looks interesting in my area attracts either people in their 20s-30s or the stuff for “over 50” is mainly geared for people in their 70s/80s. I’m not ageist and I have an extremely healthy attitude about aging. I would just like to hang out with folks who I can relate to better and have more in common with right now.

I fully respect people of all ages and think everyone can bring a unique perspective to my life but sometimes I just want to exercise or hang out with a GenX aged person. The over 50 or over 55 label is too broad imho especially when it comes to fitness. I know I’m not 30 anymore but I not at 75 yet either.

I wish I could take folks from this group and transport yinz to my neighborhood once a month lol!

Do I sound like a jerk lol? Does anyone else feel like this ever?

Were any other GenXers here in a sorority in college? If so, what do you remember about the experience and about rush?

I was in one of the well known sororities in college (think Kappa Kappa Gamma, Tri-Delt, etc.) and as an adult, I’ve thought much more about all of the negatives and things I didn’t like about it. There were positives, but also a lot of negatives. I’ve also come to the sobering realization that I probably wouldn’t have been extended a membership bid had I not been a legacy to my sorority several times over- Mom, older sis, paternal grandmother and her three sisters were all members of the same sorority. By today’s standards, I probably wouldn’t have been invited to join any house and it gives me the icks.

Anyway, for whatever reason, the Instagram algorithm wizards have decided I need more sorority content in my feed and I’ve been bombarded the past few days with videos from rush week at all of the big universities — Alabama, Georgia, Arkansas, etc.

What struck me is how different things are from when I was in college (mid/late 90s), how ridiculously over the top the whole process is now and how obscene amounts of money are being spent on decorations, party supplies and choreographed TikTok videos, not to mention the thousands it apparently costs to join and be a member.

I’ve watched some of these videos and to this cranky old lady GenXer, they’re all alike and lack originality. Every damn house has spent tens of thousands of dollars on hiring designers, installing elaborate balloon displays, bringing in live bands and having matching outfits made. Months go into planning these elaborate setups. And the TikTok videos are all the same — everyone’s wearing booty shorts and whipping their hair around like they’re NFL cheerleaders. It seems like each house is trying to outdo and outspend the next one, yet they all end up looking exactly the same.

It also baffles me that people are hiring and paying thousands to so-called “rush coaches” in hopes of helping their daughters get into “top” houses. Since when dod that become a thing?

And can we talk about all of the people boasting on social media about their interior designer-arranged dorm rooms? Apparently, hiring a designer to do up dorms is now a thing, too.

I don’t remember it being this over the top and expensive when I was in college. Granted, the university I went to was smaller than Alabama and the others, but still. We did all of the decorating and setup for rush and there were no coordinators, designers or whatever involved. And no choreographed ”sexy cheerleader” videos, either.

48F and maybe I’m just getting crankier with age but I cannot be the only one who sees these elaborate hair routines and immediately knows I’m not doing all that.

I’ve bought so many things with good intentions. Then it’s two weeks later and the bottle is sitting behind my toothpaste untouched. I started using Soren recently and I actually timed myself the other night because I didn’t believe I was getting through it that fast. Under 10 minutes and done I also expected the stamping part to be uncomfortable and I can barely feel it.

Way too early for me to make some dramatic claim about my hair but I’m realizing I’ve completely undervalued how much the actual experience matters. If I dread using something, it doesn’t matter how impressive the before and after pictures are because eventually I stop.

What hair or scalp stuff have you actually kept doing long term? Not what you bought but what survived longer than the first month?

ETA: Wow I didn't realize so many of us felt this way! I thought I was just weird. It's good to know I am not alone!

I get days where I'm tired of waking up early, going to work, dealing with people, etc. Can't retire early because the bills still need to be paid. I don't have any health issues and thankful for that, but just have this melancholy feeling of being tired of everything sometimes. Just a little rant - anyone else tired?

So I’ve been separated for one year … it was really not planned but after 20+ years we’d grown apart and suddenly I discovered my ex husband had an affair with one of his coworkers and I decided to end the marriage right there and then - never regretted it because I was no longer feeling alive and happy (but without realising it)

This past year has been very nice, elating in a bit, I felt very excited to have my single life, endless possibilities and especially a great pleasure to do only what I wanted when I wanted it (I love my work and my 2 daughters are a little bit grownup already so it doesn’t feel like something annoying to do haha)

The family house (my dream house really) has been sold - I’ve moved to a different place which is very very nice … and then suddenly yesterday when I picked up the last little things left in the old house … reality hit me !!

I am 52 and single ! This is so weird … unplanned… unsettling … overwhelming also ! I feel I’ve jumped out of the « marriage and family life » train and suddenly I don’t know where I am going ! My house is behind me and with it all the vision of the future I had … and in front of me ?? It is a bit scary but I feel it’s like hanging on the edge of a cliff … no predefined structure - no path - no default person when things get hard … I’ve got lots of friends, hobbies, activities, new relations … but it’s not the same ! I don’t want my old life back … I just feel a little bit lost :)

Is it weird that it’s happening after 1 year ? Did you go through that also ? What do you think ?

Mankeeping describes the emotional labor women end up doing in heterosexual relationships. It goes beyond remembering birthdays or coordinating social plans. It means being your partner’s one-man support system. Managing his stress. Interpreting his moods. Holding his hand through feelings he won’t share with anyone else. All of it unpaid, unacknowledged, and often unreciprocated.

Many of the posts on women’s subreddits boil down to this.

I definitely experience this. There is no amount of talking in the world that’ll change my husband.

And therapy? Forget it. He says no way.

Anyone else relate?

I was a very rare pot user (smoker) until legal weed. I started with gummies to relieve chronic pain. Now smoke nightly — a little pre-roll lasts 5-7 days. It’s eased my physical pain immensely and made me so much chiller post-head injury. Face-to-face I have yet to find women who acknowledge that they’re using it for whatever purpose — e. g., a cream for aching joints, Rx for cancer pain, gummies for anxiety, smoking for fast highs. I’m willing to talk to almost anyone about it. But no one ever asks! No one ever casually says, “That’s my dispensary!” Is it uncool to talk about weed? Are we feeling shame or stigma? Are we some kind of secret club and if so, can I have the passcode?

Edit: typos

For those who have chronic issues, either diagnosed or not, how are you managing?

For a bit over a year I have had issues that affect getting around. I’ve been tested for everything we can think of. Nothing. It varies in severity, but always affects my mobility to some degree.

I’m single, no friends or family anywhere near.
This past week has been really bad. I just feel so alone and hopeless.

I’d love to hear your stories. Especially ones without a significant other. (Unless they are useless 🤣)

I have known today was going to be the day of the party by the lake for months. Now that the day is here I don't want to go. I know it will be okay and I am committed to go, but I dread the whole getting ready (like "out-in-public-ready") and leaving the house. I have 2 hours and am starting to stress out a bit. Yesterday I was supposed to make potato salad for this lake party. But instead I cried about feeling the way I feel and bought potato salad.

I never want to go anywhere or do anything. What is this feeling? Is it anxiety? What is my problem?