r/GenXWomen

(PS: I'm not particularly venting. I'd love some suggestions, if ya got them. Thx!)

Us GenX women just keep moving forward, don't we. But after a lifetime of mental health issues, an incredibly dysfunctional childhood, every kind of med you can imagine, a litany of differing types of therapy..... I find myself crashing and without the "pick myself up" of before.

I just can't keep going, I'm absolutely tapped out. But I have a teen son that I can't imagine passing this generational trauma onto, so forward I must go. But how?

Any other women out of steam? I've done the meds and the therapy and the diet changes and the exercise and the job changes..... I don't know what else to try. F#ck.

OK, please don't flame me. But how do I dress now that menopause plus Graves Disease has caused weight gain that I'm not used to. My entire life I've struggled to put any weight on (not as nice as it sounds), and was typically 5'6" and 105-110 most of my life. Naturally fitting that late 90s/earky 2000s "ideal." Exception being when I was pregnant and gained the 50lbs they told me too. Now, I'm about 135-140. And pear shaped instead of whatever shape is stick with hips. The weight has gone some to my face (Graves puffiness), but mostly to my middle.... Like a pear. Yes, I can wear hoodies and jeans, but sometimes I'd like to... Not. Like, what should I look for that's flattering to that shape? I also hate shape wear because I don't handle feeling suffocated well.

I see a consensus of hatred towards Jenny in Forrest Gump because of her past. If it’s a man hating on her, he ridicules her and calls her a wh*re. Cut and dry. She’s a wh*re who deserves everything she had coming to her.

My own ex-husband referred to her as such. And I had to remind him that she was sexually abused as a child and women tend to end up the way she did when that happens. My childhood best friend was molested by her stepfather and she’s been extremely messed up ever since and lived a life similar to Jenny.

Whenever I mention this about Jenny, the men don’t even remember that part of the movie. That Forrest had the home she grew up in bulldozed because of what happened to her there. My ex-husband said he didn’t even remember that part of the movie. I have sat and watched it with him several times and he didn’t recall any of that at all.

I really do think men are sick in the head and don’t care about how women are sexually abused. It doesn’t even occur to them to care or consider it. I thought my ex-husband was a real piece of shit over this. I guess he like so many men are pieces of shit in this way.

I have never played video games online, and I'm thinking of trying a few. For those of you who enjoy playing video games online, which ones would you recommend I try?

(For those who do not like video games or do not think they are worth trying, please scroll on by.)

52(f), married to my highschool sweetheart. We have 2 adult kids, one married and moved out, the other has developmental disabilities and lives with us. My husband and I work full time, him from home, me out of the home. My son attends a day program.

I get home on Friday night and I could stay in my house until Monday morning for work. Easily. If I agree to go to something (like a cookout in the next few wks) I always regret it and 90% of the time will try to get out of it.

I don’t know if this is depression, exhaustion, menopause, some of each?

I just got Mail for both, wondering if they're worth it. I don't really travel much, live where there's hundreds of small privately owned amazing restaurants ( don't care for many chain restaurants), and I am not sure I'll ever be able to retire.

I looked for some kind of grandmothering sub and came up empty, so I thought I would ask here.

I have a 2yo grandchild who is being raised bilingual, but they lean more heavily on their local language, which I barely speak. He understands my language to an extent, and repeats words, but doesn’t really speak it yet. My adult kid does speak our language with my grandchild, but the default language in their home is the local one. They live in a relatively diverse culture where some people do use my language, so I think it will just take time.

But meanwhile, I live too far away for easy visiting — I see them in person every 2-3 months. We Facetime with his parents’ help maybe 2-3x a month. I often read little books over Facetime in my language, and he likes that and asks for it using his very limited vocabulary.

He is a lot like my kid was as a toddler! I feel close to him, but also not connected as much as I wish, if that makes sense.

I am just wondering what other ways I can build a connection with him. I love being a grandparent, but sometimes I feel sad that it isn’t easier.

I am trying to learn his first language, but it is slow going. And his other parent (my kid’s spouse) would strongly prefer I speak my language well with their child rather than their language poorly.

It feels extra hard that his other grandmother lives local to them and speaks their language. So she is naturally closer to him. Also, she is retired and I am not. I live far enough away that visiting them is a vacation sort of thing, which I can’t afford more often.

Anyone in a similar situation? Any advice?

***cross posted in other (womens) sub ***

I have come to the conclusion that I need to update my wardrobe. Ugh, this is one of the worst things for me because I absolutely hate shopping.

Menopause has done a number on my body comp so the clothes that used to fit me just look....weird. They sort of fit but since meno, I seemed to have developed some kind of sensory aversion to form-fitting clothes and whenever things are fitted or feel snug, I feel suffocated. Who knew meno could do this?!

I can't wear low rise anymore because it doesn't feel good so I've switched to higher waisted (mid or high rise) fitting pants with stretch that feel more comfortable now.

so far, I have discovered (thanks to other Redditors!) Democracy jeans! (PS - if you're looking for jeans that fit well, feel good and look good, check them out. I found a bunch at Winners; go for the "Ab Solution" line. I think they're also available on Amazon).

for other clothing pieces - jean shorts, tops that hit at the top of the hip and even cute dresses...this is where I struggle. Mostly, I'm looking for tops that hit at the top of the hip but most of the ones I've seen/found are too long (hits low hip/top of thighs) and I dont like tucking in my shirts (sensory thing again!). I would really like shorter tops (but not crop) because they look much better with higher waisted pants as it accentuates the slimmest part of my waist.

For reference, I'm 5'3 about 145lbs. I have a body shape that makes it difficult for me to shop - wide shoulders and large legs due to heavy lifting so while I can fit into a small, everywhere else is tight and then I feel like a stuffed sausage.

any recommendations you have - links and/or stores where they ship to Canada - would be greatly appreciated. I usually dont like shopping on Amazon because I have my reasons but I'm desperate and willing to put aside my feelings about that to stop looking like a sad potato.

Like others, I'm feeling sad today. I'm divorced but I have adult children. I live with my son but he has his online communities/friends. My 2 girls are doing things with their kids and spouses.

For the majority of the time I'm perfectly happy with my 2 dogs and 2 cats. I generally don't like most people. Today my next door neighbors had a nice get together with family and friends. They sounded like they had lots of fun laughing and drinking while I sat on the ground in my garden pruning my tomato plants. It reminded me of when my kids were young and even when I was young and my parents would take us to watch the fireworks or we'd be camping.

Today I just feel old and alone. Thankfully I don't feel this way often. There are fireworks going off everywhere right now and I'm sitting in bed with my animals watching the Weather Channel.

Apologies in advance for being such a Debbie Downer, but the loneliness I have posted about before is hitting really hard again and I sure could use some words of comfort from other GenXers.

I am once again alone — or maybe I’m never really not alone anytime — on a holiday and have absolutely nothing to do, nowhere to go and no one to spend time with. Single, no husband/partner or kids despite always wanting them very much, estranged from both older siblings, both of whom have treated me poorly, parents both gone now, little in the way of extended family nearby or available, and only a handful of “friends” who aren’t really that good of friends when I think about it.

No one ever reaches out to me and I’m fed up with reaching out to others only to either get ignored or be flaked out on at the last minute. And am so very tired of all the same suggestions being tossed my way, as if I hadn’t already thought of and done them all many times.

Every day sucks when you are this lonely, but there’s something about holidays and seeing everyone else having someone to share them with and plans for celebrating while you’re all by yourself wishing you had that sense of community. I made a grocery run this morning just to be out and around other people and drove around aimlessly afterward for a bit, but it didn’t really help.

I honestly feel so overlooked and ignored. It hurts to be lonely, to not ever be included or thought of. It also hurts when you express your feelings and others are constantly placing the burden on you to “try harder” or making you feel like somehow it is still your fault in spite all of the effort you‘ve been putting forth.

Anyone else ever feel this way? I see news reports all the time about a loneliness epidemic and I believe them 100 percent.

I feel heard, I've always said this show was dark as fuck and fucked my little kid brain up. it was horrifying some of the shit they did on this show, the Blind school fire still haunts me.

If you’re lucky enough to still have your parents, make sure they don’t click on the email scam with the invitation. Spent a whole day fixing mom’s emails after she clicked on the paperless post invitation scam. I feel like it’s the perfect scam for old folks because they are so excited to hear that they got invited to something! 😂

Mine are white so laser won't treat them. I'm tweezing daily and I can't keep up 😭

I just booked a trip with three legs, the first is 2.5 hours, the second is 6 hours and the third is 11 hours.

I used to do these flights with zero problems other than a bit of stiffness but now…. Yikes. Restless legs, jet lag that never used to bother me, and when did those seats get so small?????

Hit me with your best tips and advice and list of things to bring. Just taking carry on so my bag space is limited but I’ll lose the extra underwear for a good recommendation.

Edited to add: Sorry, I should have clarified. I’m good once I’m there. I’m looking for your flight advice. Like, what are these things that strap your head to your seat and will they cause my neck to kink up for weeks?

It was 1987, I was at the mall with my older sister and her very cool boyfriend.

I went to the public restroom and saw blood. I had to go find my sister. She was not impressed. I didn’t know what to buy so I watched her at the supermarket counter shove something in my hands. The whole packet of non-applicator “light” flow tampons.

She pointed to the sign to the nearest toilets and said let’s meet up at 12:00 at the food court.

“But now what do I do?” I asked, gesturing to the tampon packet.

“You shove it up there ,til you can’t feel it anymore, you idiot!”, she rolled her eyes and walked off.

And that was the first time I learned to use period products. To this day, (I’m 53), I have never. Ever. Used a sanitary pad.

I told my sister that story about 3 months ago and til then she had no idea it was my first ever period!

We just dealt.

Your turn, fun genx period stories have at it!

Edit: I apologize, many of these stories are ones of absolute trauma (a bit like mine but also much worse). I have a habit of dark humour used to hide this stuff so I’m sorry if it’s misplaced. Can’t change the flair though, sorry.

I was interviewed for the local news tonight about a specific community problem. I felt that I knew my material and was confident about my delivery. Before the interview, I went home and looked in the mirror and wondered, “should I put on powder?” It’s at least 4 years old. I said no. It doesn’t matter how I look, it matters what I say. Just watched it. I sounded like a confident, strong woman. I’m very happy with it. Just wanted to share it.

At 53, I'm the only single woman amongst my friends and family. I am happy being single and I definitely don't want to be in a relationship. But, I've started to realize that while my family and friends are my primary relationships and I invest in them because they are so important to me, I'm their tertiary relationship. Their spouses and children are most important. I'm realizing that I'm reaching out but it's not reciprocated and the feeling of being disposable has left me lonely and empty. I need a little moral support tonight.

I was banned for telling the moderator that it wasn't very "whatever" to ban comments about the maga connection to the village people singer that recently passed.
Gen x slowly slipping into boomer territory and it makes me so sad