u/Closefromadistance

I’m 58 and have 3 adult kids. I started pretty young and only one (my middle) was planned 😅 my oldest is 40.

Met a lady twice while out with my dog at a local park. The 2nd meeting, yesterday, she told me she’s 5 months pregnant. I told her that’s awesome!

She said she was worried about people’s judgement - she said she’s the only one in her friend group who doesn’t have older kids.

She said she tried and failed for many years to get pregnant but past pregnancies quickly ended in miscarriage.

I told her I was so sorry and I can’t imagine. 💔

I told her how old I am and that, although I already had and raised my 3 kids, I still feel like I have a ton more life left and lots of energy and am in a better financial place than I was at 18 so I would have been a better mom to young kids now.

Her face lit up when I said all that so I just hope she feels amazing and has the best experience she can with her new baby when the time comes.

I don’t regret having my kids young, but it was hard. I have to work for much longer in order to retire because raising kids was so expensive.

Having kids young meant I have to play catch up for a long time.

Still, had I waited until I was older, I wouldn’t have had kids because AS I’ve gotten older I’ve loved having my own life! I love having a career and hanging out with friends and being around my dogs!

My point in sharing this is we should feel free to live our lives however we choose and not feel pressure or guilt-tripped to fit into the tiny, restricted boxes that society tries to confine us to! 👏

Yes, I raised my kids on that mentality. None of my kids have kids and all 3 have never been married.

That’s because they have always felt free to live their lives as they choose - not according to my expectations or societal pressures.

I’m looking for boarding for my dog because I have to go out of town for a few days and can’t take him.

This will be his (and my) first time boarding - he’s 2 years old. (he’s my 2nd dog in 10 years).

I’ve visited several places and decided to start with short daycare visits and build up over time at the one that had the most positive and good reviews and with the owner’s dogs he got along with.

But the place smells horrific to me.

My dog spent a day there last week and smelled so bad when I picked him up and the smell stayed on him the rest of the day after getting him.

None of this place’s reviews said anything about smell but it was terribly pungent and dank to me.

I am very sensitive to all smells but I still want to find out if any level of bad odor is normal?

Also, which is better: a boarder home or a business based boarder place?

Made it past the hiring manager review this afternoon. The agency just called and said they want to interview me for the first round tomorrow.

I asked how many interview rounds - they said 4. 😵‍💫

But I see it as free interview practice! I have no choice but to see it that way in this market.

I've been looking for 13 months. Lost my job last year. I’ve had around 8 interviews all together including 2 multi rounds with 2 final interviews.

The process to get to final rounds for those took 3 months each.

I really hoped I’d get the one I was rejected for in May. I had 4 interviews for that role. So much time spent. It really messed up my confidence when I didn’t get it.

I need all the practice I can get and I need to change my perspective and stop taking rejections as an indication of my personal failures, flaws and worth.

I have felt like a failure quite often though - it gets to you. I want to find ways to stay positive in this process.

So here we go … this is step one! 👣

Good luck to everyone else out there - you are not alone; I know it’s hard! 🍀

I’ve been dreading it for weeks. It causes me so much anxiety. 😭

My doctor ALWAYS has something to say about my weight. I’m no longer underweight but she still comments on it. I’ll tell her my BMI is normal and she’ll still say “Yes, but you’re right on the cusp of being underweight”

Ok!? But I’m still not underweight. 🙄

Then when I gained weight a few years ago while on an antidepressant, she insisted wouldn’t make me gain weight, she made a snarky comment when I was upset about the weight gain.

She said “Yes, I’ve been watching your growth chart” and she smirked while she said it! It was so upsetting to me.

I stopped taking that antidepressant - yes because of unwanted weight gain but also because it caused me a lot of anxiety and panic attacks.

So right now I’m over here getting myself mentally ready for this appointment and trying to pick clothes that weigh the most so I don’t have to hear her mouth.

If I’m not an unhealthy weight, why does she even mention it?

I’m so tired of it - I’ve been micro-managed for my weight ever since I was a child in competitive gymnastics.

We got weighed every single day.

I’m more than just the numbers on the scale. I feel like the more she or my husband mention my weight, the more stressed I out get about it.

I really try to read fiction… I mean REALLY try.

I just finished “The Lion Women of Tehran” and thought it was pretty good, but I had to push myself to finish.

I couldn’t research most of the events or characters. Some of it was based on actual events but very little. It wasn’t bad but wasn’t a fulfilling experience for me.

One fiction book I absolutely loved was “Leaving Time” by Jodi Picoult.

The reason I loved it is because it was a mystery and there were lots of African elephant facts woven into the storyline, so I was able to research elephant facts along the way.

But yeah … give me a book about real people or real events and I’m absolutely glued to the storyline but also obsessed with finding out more about (researching) the events and people involved.

On the flip side, I’ve very rarely ever found fiction reads fulfilling / satisfying.

I’m like this with movies and TV shows too!

ADHD Tax: I’ve been diagnosed since the early 90’s and medicated off and on since then.

HALP!

My “friend” (who happens to be a local recruiter in Seattle) told me I should just retire now because I’m close enough to be retirement age and have a husband.

That’s not the answer… That’s sexism and ageism. (Right?)

I can’t “just retire” … I had kids young and got a late start in my career. I had less time to save for retirement because my money went to raising kids.

The home my husband and I bought together was bought with both our incomes. His income can’t support me to just stop working.

We plan to sell the house when the market gets better to help us catch up on retirement savings.

My kids are all adults, (39, 35,26) and I have time to try and catch up and focus on saving but can’t get a job now.

I worked in big tech and lost my job last year - at the exact same time I became post menopausal.

I feel like between the trauma of working in big tech for 7 years and losing all my mojo to menopause, I’m not the same person I was even in 2020.

It feels like my interview confidence is gone. I used to be confident but I’m not anymore. I don’t know how to get it back.

I’ve been applying like crazy and have only gotten 5 interviews - only 2 of them were in person final interviews and I felt so desperate to get those jobs but I didn’t get them! 😩

October will be a year since I lost my job and I’m really freaking out. I’ve even been rejected from jobs I applied to where I knew people who worked at that company and got a direct referral.

Is this how people feel about late 50’s women now?? That we should just retire or is it just me? Seems like the job market wants me to just go away. 😩

I have applied to other types of jobs too … I’ve applied to retail jobs paying $18 - $25 an hour too even though that’s like 90% less than I was making during my time in big tech. I’m not being snobby or egotistical about what I will do … but I’m still getting rejected! I got rejected for a clerk job at my local grocery store.

I don’t know what to do but I can’t just retire. 😭

I’ve been in my field since 1997. Rarely ever didn’t work and when I didn’t it was because of 2 bad economies, including the one we’re in now.

But like most GenX I have had to start over several times.

Lost my MAANG job last year. Got that job in 2019. Worked my ass off to get there and lasted until big cuts last year.

I haven’t found another job since that layoff. I have had several interviews but all, except for one paying $25 an hour, ended in rejection and in the midst of the interviews, me being told that they have tons of applicants they still have to go through.

Gee thanks.😅

Became post menopausal last summer and after that, I felt exhausted and defeated up until about a month ago.

That probably shows up in interviews, along with my aging, line filled face … clearly, I lost my pre-menopause mojo.

I don’t want to start all over again, but after not working since last year, I’m guessing I will be forced to do that... if I’m lucky to find something in my field again.

It sucks so bad and one issue I’m having lately, is what to say when they ask why I haven’t been working…. So badly I just want to say “MF, I KEEP GETTING REJECTED!” 🤣

I mean do employers not understand that it’s fucking hard to get a job in this market??

I’m staring to panic. I’m now being declined / ignored from jobs I apply to that people I used to work with refer me to. Not even jobs I contacted them about … jobs they shared with me first!

And then crickets after I apply!

I’ve done all the things I can do to my resume - now I only include 7 years of experience, but still no offers, even after a final interview. Last time I had a final interview was the first week of April.

Since then I’ve only had one other interview and it was a recruiter phone screen so it doesn’t count.

I was rejected for that one too and it only required 5 years of experience … WTF!??

But yeah, I mostly get no replies to my applications. Is it because I’m old AF now or is it just the market?

I’m now looking into a worker retraining program for people over 55. Which fucking sucks because I’m more than qualified for jobs in MY field.

Anyone else going through similar or overcome similar? I’m happy for any advice or moto to help me get over this slump! 🙏🏻

I’ve been in the midst of melancholic depression with severe anhedonia for the past few years. The darkness is heavy and stays with me but certain songs help me feel not so alone.

What about you? Do you have any dark songs that make you feel seen?

P.S. RIP Chris ❤️‍🩹

Im 57. I have 3 back teeth (2 top 1 bottom) missing on my left side and 2 missing on my right side - 1 top and 1 bottom.

I think I had them removed in 2010 - I was about 40 ish. I’ve had a lifelong dentist phobia but once I got that over with I took great care of my teeth and haven’t had any dental issues since.

No one told me back then that I would have bone loss or that I needed to replace those teeth immediately.

Maybe they did but I have such bad ptsd around the dentist that I probably didn’t listen.

So I finally got the courage to see the oral surgeon my dentist referred me to for “the one tooth” that he thought I should get an implant for.

That’s when I found out I need to replace all 5. I knew those were missing but I didn’t realize it was impacting my jaw and starting to impact my facial symmetry on the left side.

But now there is almost no bone on the left side. They have no bones to implant the teeth into. They also said I would need a bone graft and a sinus lift.

Like a 2 surgeries and it’s so much more intense than I ever thought it would be.

I just didn’t know I’d need all this work including bone grafting and sinus lift and it’s scary!

Has anyone else been able to get implants despite many years and a lot of bone loss in their mouth? Did you get a bone graft?

My oral surgeon said there’s a chance the graft won’t take. Why would I spent $20,000+ on a surgery that might not even work?

Anyone else in or had a similar situation?

… Out on a “family walk” in the rain. I’m in Seattle.

Their toddler son was lagging, behind them in the back, hysterically riding his tiny bike with training wheels … clearly in the midst of an absolute meltdown, yet the dad, quite a ways in front, kept yelling at the boy, telling him to hurry up and to stop crying.

This poor little boy, maybe 3 years old, was sobbing uncontrollably. Clearly, he didn’t want to ride his bike, in the cold rain.

It was so upsetting. I quietly offered to let the parents leave his bike at my house for a while, so maybe one of them could carry him the rest of the way, but they declined.

I’ve raised 3 of my own children; They’re all adults now. I never forced them to do things they didn’t want to do, especially if they were crying or upset, but I also don’t remember them ever having a meltdown like that.

I don’t know what happened before I saw them … maybe the kid just randomly started throwing a fit right before I walked out my front door?

Not sure, but it went on for at least 10 minutes while I walked the other direction on my street … when I turned the corner, I texted my husband about it (since he was home) and he said he saw it too and said they were still out there yelling at the kid to hurry up.

Thoughts? Is there something else I should have done here?

I’ve had ADHD since the 80’s and have historically found it difficult to organize and declutter.

Big organizing/decluttering projects have always overwhelmed me and ended in frustration and failure.

Projects left undone & 💩 everywhere and way worse than it was when I started!

About 15 years ago, I learned that if I do little declutter/downsizing/organizing projects regularly, I am successful.

So now it just comes naturally. Like the other day I realized I had too many socks in my sock drawer and 99% of my socks are black so it got hard finding my favorite pairs of black socks.

So a few days later, I decluttered my sock drawer.

Gave myself 15-minutes to get it done.

I took all my socks out of the drawer and separated them by favorites; ones I wear often, and then ones I never wear.

Then I put all my favorites nicely back in my sock drawer and put all the others in a big ziplock bag and into my winter clothes cupboard.

If by winter I still don’t reach for them, they will get donated.

I also have a standing “donation bag” that I keep by my garage door entry.

Anything I KNOW I won’t use or wear again goes there, then I make a donation run about once a month/once it’s filled.

Works for me.

Over the years, I’ve continued to do mini organizing/decluttering projects a few times a week.

I give myself about 15 minutes for each effort. I’ll be like “oh it’s 11:30 - I bet I can finish this by 11:45!”

Then I go! I gamify it a lot so I don’t get bogged down and burnt out for hours at a time.

It works so well that it’s kept my whole house declutterred and it never feels like a huge chore.