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Image 1 — 6thExtinctionLab – The Issue, The Focus
Image 2 — 6thExtinctionLab – The Issue, The Focus
▲ 11 r/6thExtinctionLab+1 crossposts

6thExtinctionLab – The Issue, The Focus

Sixth Mass Extinction

The likely Sixth Mass Extinction is fundamentally anthropogenic—that is, driven primarily by human activities. Unlike previous mass extinctions, which were caused by natural events such as asteroid impacts, massive volcanism, or major climatic shifts, the present biodiversity crisis is being produced by the rapid expansion and intensification of human activity. Population growth, agriculture, industrialization, resource extraction, urbanization, transportation, and global commerce have transformed ecosystems and accelerated the movement of species and pathogens around the planet. These activities collectively drive habitat loss, overexploitation, climate change, invasive species, and pollution— major drivers of contemporary biodiversity loss.

The probability that human activities will cause a sixth mass extinction cannot currently be expressed as a reliable percentage. However, the biological conditions that could produce one are already evident: extinction rates are elevated, populations are declining, and multiple human-driven pressures are acting simultaneously on ecosystems worldwide. Whether the present biodiversity crisis ultimately qualifies as a sixth mass extinction will depend largely on the magnitude and duration of future biodiversity losses.

Five Primary Drivers of the Sixth Mass Extinction:

Habitat Loss

  • Destruction, conversion, and fragmentation of natural habitats
  • Deforestation and agricultural expansion
  • Urbanization, roads, mining, and infrastructure
  • Coastal development
  • Dams, river alteration, and other changes to freshwater systems
  • Destruction of wetlands, coral reefs, mangroves, and seagrass beds

Overexploitation

  • Overfishing
  • Hunting and poaching
  • Unsustainable logging
  • Bycatch and other unintended mortality
  • Removal of species faster than populations can reproduce

Climate Change

  • Rising temperatures
  • Changing precipitation patterns
  • Increasing droughts, floods, fires, and other climatic extremes
  • Ocean warming
  • Sea-level rise
  • Ocean acidification
  • Shifts in the geographic ranges and timing of biological processes

Invasive Species

  • Introduction of non-native species
  • Predation and competition by invasive species
  • Introduction of new parasites and pathogens
  • Diseases transferred between wildlife, livestock, and humans
  • Disruption of native ecological communities

Pollution

  • Pesticides and herbicides
  • Fertilizers and nutrient pollution
  • Industrial chemicals and heavy metals
  • Plastics and microplastics
  • Oil and other petroleum products
  • Pharmaceuticals and other emerging contaminants
  • Air pollution and atmospheric deposition
  • Light and noise pollution
u/DMudry — 12 days ago
▲ 74 r/6thExtinctionLab+1 crossposts

Rock Barnacles and Impacts of Climate Change

Rock Barnacles

These rock barnacles of the genus Balanus are crustaceans, are related to crabs and shrimp. But after their larvae settle permanently onto a rock, their body becomes highly modified. It essentially lives upside down inside its shell, with its legs pointing toward the opening at the top. When the tide covers it, it opens its opercular plates, the little "door" at the top, and extends its feeding appendages.

A barnacle attached to an exposed rock can experience conditions far more extreme than the surrounding seawater. During low tide, the animal is exposed to air temperature, direct solar radiation, and the heat radiating from the rock itself. Measurements on Pacific Northwest Balanus have found body temperatures reaching about 35°C during prolonged low tides.

Their habitat, partially exposed to the hot sun, would seem to make them resistant to the potential impacts of rising temperatures from climate change. While warming could act directly on barnacles through heat stress, they are more likely to be impacted during their larval stages and by changes to their food sources.

Barnacle larval stages are part of the plankton community themselves. Barnacles release nauplii, which develop through several planktonic stages before becoming cyprids and eventually settling onto the shoreline. A 2024 study by researchers from the University of British Columbia and Princeton University have found that in warm years in the Strait of Georgia off Vancouver Island, the spring diatom peak occurred earlier, and summer diatom biomass was lower and negatively affected the food of zooplankters such as larval barnacles.

Research on intertidal barnacle larvae has shown that their food includes very small planktonic organisms, and that changes in pelagic food-web structure can alter the food available to different barnacle species and consequently affect recruitment.

Research in the Strait of Georgia, between Vancouver Island and the mainland, has found that warm/early spring conditions can shift the crustacean zooplankton community toward smaller organisms and potentially create a mismatch between phytoplankton blooms and the larger, energy-rich zooplankton that normally exploit them. During warm periods, including the 2014–16 marine heatwave known as the Blob, the community shifted toward southern copepod species, while the larger subarctic and boreal copepods declined. The northern species tend to be much richer in lipids and therefore more energy-dense, a change associated with warmer ocean conditions.

So, barnacles aren't simply being impacted by temperature changes in their immediate area. They are also part of the more distant pelagic community, being affected both in their larval stages and as sedentary adults to impacts of warmer waters most likely resulting from climate change.

References

Karyn D. Suchy, Susan E. Allen, and Elise Olson. 2024 Mechanistic Links Between Climatic Forcing and Model‐Based Plankton Dynamics in the Strait of Georgia. Canada Journal of Advancing Earth and Space Sciences.

Amelia V. Hesketh, et.al. 2026 The Effects of Single Versus Successive Warm Summers on an Intertidal Community. Nordic Society Oikos.

u/DMudry — 16 days ago
▲ 6 r/u_DMudry+1 crossposts

(OC) Irony: Great Blue Heron shitting on my van covering GBH decal

u/DMudry — 3 months ago
▲ 21 r/u_DMudry+2 crossposts

Customer leaves Trump dollar for tip, still there after 3 shift changes

u/DMudry — 3 months ago
▲ 10 r/SatireLikeTheOnion

President Trump Orders Voyager 3 Mission to Replace Carl Sagan's “Woke” Golden Record

WASHINGTON, DC. In 1977 astronomer Carl Sagan created a gold record attached to spacecraft Voyager 1 and 2. The gold record was intended to provide information about earth and its inhabitants to any extraterrestrials who might encounter the two spacecraft that are now 13.2 billion miles from Earth. The 12-inch gold-plated copper disks were a "message in a bottle" for any intelligent extraterrestrial life that might intercept the two spacecraft.

Today in the Whitehouse Oval Office, President Donald Trump signed an Executive Order for the launch of Voyager 3 on his birthday to correct the “woke” gold record originally created by Carl Sagan. The ceremony was witnessed by several of Trump’s cabinet members whose life experiences helped Trump revise the messaging on a new gold record, including the experience of a Fox News host, a military Chaplin, CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, cast member of MTV’s “Real World”, and a former NFL player. With the applause of the audience sometimes interrupting his speech, Trump explained the improvements he made for the new gold record.

Audio Greetings: Sagan included spoken greetings in 55 different human languages. Trump, recognizing a total disconnect with the real world, said, “What alien wants to hear all the non-English and unintelligible “greetings” from people in shithole countries? I’ve replaced those ramblings with twelve of my greatest MAGA rally speeches. A lot of smart, very intelligent scholars have compared my beautiful speeches with Italian self-proclaimed Emperor Mussolini at his greatest. I think it’s not always the greetings that are most important. At the end of my conversations, I sometimes get rid of bad people with “You’re fired!” I’ve included a few of those “Greetings” that were directed toward some of my former cabinet members who turned out to be real losers.”

Sounds of Earth: Sagan’s record included a sweeping acoustic collage of our planet, including natural sounds (surf, wind, thunder, and animal calls) and human sounds (footsteps, a heartbeat, and laughter). Trump said, “Earth Sounds? What a bunch of crap. Have you ever heard the silent sound of a B2 bomber? No, you don’t hear a thing. You just hear explosions from carpet bombing after you think everything is safe. Also, there’s no sweeter sound than a Tomahawk launch. These are the sounds that the aliens (not our aliens, space aliens!) can really appreciate, although they probably have developed sounds far beyond what America’s Great Military has been able to produce. Even so, I’m sure they will enjoy our new earth sounds.”

Music: Sagan included 90 minutes of diverse music, ranging from Bach and Beethoven to Louis Armstrong. Trump noted, “Sagan did include “Johnny B. Goode" by Chuck Berry, so I can relate to that, but Beethoven? That’s just WOKE and puts me to sleep even at a basketball game with thousands of people that are cheering for me. We’re going to give those aliens Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA” played repeatedly until they wake up.

Visuals: Sagan included 116 photographs and diagrams detailing human anatomy, our solar system, and everyday life on Earth. Trump said, “So boring! For visuals, I’ve carefully selected 46 of the Best of Trump photos, cropping out several of my pedophile friends to save space. Also, as pointed out to me by Pete Hedgepeth, my Great Secretary of WAR (so nice, beautiful, actually), Sagan made the mistake of showing drawings of a nude man and woman thus making us look weak to the alien universe. So, we’ve removed the woman, and we’ll just have a nude drawing of myself with, say, 60 years of experience knocked off. When the aliens see my sculptured manhood, confirmed numerous times by the best Whitehouse doctors, they’ll think twice about messing with Earth! Also, this eliminates the need to discuss the Access Hollywood Tape, Nancy Pelosy, Planned Parenthood, or anything connected to “woman”.

Trump’s Special Message to the Alien Universe “If you’ve come searching for the Epstein files, forget it because it was all FAKE news. As a bonus I have filled up the flipside of this Gold Record with all 3.5 million pages (some text and pictures redacted for “security” reasons) from the files. Once you’ve learned English, you’ll be able to see there is not a single piece of evidence about me in these files. I have been totally exonerated! Eggs are cheaper! Inflation is down! Coal is clean! The 2020 election was stolen! Climate Change is a Liberal fabrication and scientist’s self-employment scam!”

“So, if you want to keep looking for more files, move on to another solar system or maybe you’ll find a parallel universe where everything is the opposite.”

At the signing of the Executive Order President Trump took time to thank the billionaires and others who made such kind comments about his determination to set the “record” straight for the Alien Universe:

Elon Musk: “It would be my plea$ure to launch Voyager 3 and $end the Gold Record out into the empty Univer$e where it may never be $een or heard again!”

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “I was getting a little depressed with the President’s speech, so I was glad to hear the President mention the opposite “parallel universe”. It seems like such a nice place.”

Vladimir Putin: “Этот парень полный идиот!” (Trump said, “I don’t know what he said, but he always smiles when he talks to me! That’s true Respect!”)

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman: “Just between you and me, that gold disk, if sharpened on the edge, would make a great human-sized flesh cutter.”

Record Cover & Interstellar Instructions. The President likes the original record cover designed by Sagan, featuring diagrams explaining how to play the record, where Earth is located relative to several pulsars, and mathematical definitions to ensure aliens understand the binary system. “Look,” said the President, “Sagan was a genius to include his little puzzles to communicate with aliens, and GOLD to make it last thousands of years; what a great idea! But everyone on earth and even aliens, if they are already here (not our aliens, space aliens!), know I am the GENIUS of GOLD. Just look around this gold office (they used to call it “oval”!) and out the window at that magnificent Golden Ballroom. I go outside every day to look at it as the sun sets, and I see the tourists just standing there in silence and total disbelief. Such beautiful memories for them!”

President Trump was concerned about the specific location information for Earth that he thought could be used by aliens to develop targeting instructions that might direct advanced anti-gravity weapons to Mar-a-Lago. He reassured everyone with, “I know that the aliens will be friendly, and I can Make a Deal with them to spare Mar-a-Lago. But, just in case I’m not around at the time (I can probably do one more term after this one, but, you know, maybe the aliens will arrive thousands of years from now), I’ve had the best MAGA astronomers recalibrate the Earth location on the gold record cover to point directly to California.”

reddit.com
u/DMudry — 3 months ago
▲ 9 r/satiricalnew+1 crossposts

The National Society of Satirical Arts Votes Trump the “Volcano of Satire” Award at Its Annual Meeting

WASHINGTON DC. The National Golden Ballroom fell into unusual silence as members of the National Society of Satirical Arts gathered for their annual awards banquet. For decades, the organization had honored politicians, celebrities, and public figures who had unintentionally made the work of comedians and satirists easier. This year’s highest distinction, however, recognized something altogether different.

By unanimous vote, the Society bestowed its most prestigious honor upon President Donald Trump: The Volcano of Satire Award. According to the organization’s president, the award is reserved for the rare public figure who continuously erupts with material so astonishing that professional comedians and satirists find themselves rewriting jokes before breakfast. “A volcano doesn’t choose when to erupt,” the Society president explained. “Likewise, satire writers don’t choose when inspiration strikes. Sometimes it simply appears on social media at 2:17 in the morning.”

The Society’s nominating committee for the award explained that an ordinary source of satire occasionally produces amusing moments. A volcano, by contrast, never really stops. It rumbles, smokes, erupts unexpectedly and buries everything nearby under fresh layers of unavoidable material. In the committee’s view, a volcanic metaphor captured Trump’s seemingly endless stream of headlines, social media posts, courtroom appearances, campaign rallies, interviews, and off-the-cuff remarks that have fueled comedians, editorial cartoonists, and satirists for years.

According to the committee, Trump’s greatest contribution to satire was not any single statement or event. Rather, it was the challenge he presented to writers everywhere. Every morning began with the same question: Did he really say that? More often than not, the answer was yes—forcing satirists to compete with reality itself. Increasingly, it has become more difficult to discern if President Trump is himself uttering satire to confuse his detractors.

The committee also expressed sympathy for cartoonists, many of whom admitted that satirical comment has become increasingly difficult. “When reality already resembles parody,” one artist remarked, “our job description becomes much more complicated.”

Trump accepted the honor graciously—or at least energetically. “Nobody has ever been a volcano better than me,” he declared. “People tell me I’m the greatest volcano. Tremendous lava. The best lava.” The audience responded with prolonged applause, interrupted only by nervous glances toward the exits, as members wondered whether another eruption was already underway and required an immediate satirical response.

u/DMudry — 3 months ago
▲ 5 r/UFOs_USAPs_MIBs_NASA

President Trump Orders Voyager 3 Mission to Replace Carl Sagan's “Woke” Golden Record

WASHINGTON, DC. In 1977 astronomer Carl Sagan created a gold record attached to spacecraft Voyager 1 and 2. The gold record was intended to provide information about earth and its inhabitants to any extraterrestrials who might encounter the two spacecraft that are now 13.2 billion miles from Earth. The 12-inch gold-plated copper disks were a "message in a bottle" for any intelligent extraterrestrial life that might intercept the two spacecraft.

Today in the Whitehouse Oval Office, President Donald Trump signed an Executive Order for the launch of Voyager 3 on his birthday to correct the “woke” gold record originally created by Carl Sagan. The ceremony was witnessed by several of Trump’s cabinet members whose life experiences helped Trump revise the messaging on a new gold record, including the experience of a Fox News host, a military Chaplin, CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, cast member of MTV’s “Real World”, and a former NFL player. With the applause of the audience sometimes interrupting his speech, Trump explained the improvements he made for the new gold record.

Audio Greetings: Sagan included spoken greetings in 55 different human languages. Trump, recognizing a total disconnect with the real world, said, “What alien wants to hear all the non-English and unintelligible “greetings” from people in shithole countries? I’ve replaced those ramblings with twelve of my greatest MAGA rally speeches. A lot of smart, very intelligent scholars have compared my beautiful speeches with Italian self-proclaimed Emperor Mussolini at his greatest. I think it’s not always the greetings that are most important. At the end of my conversations, I sometimes get rid of bad people with “You’re fired!” I’ve included a few of those “Greetings” that were directed toward some of my former cabinet members who turned out to be real losers.”

Sounds of Earth: Sagan’s record included a sweeping acoustic collage of our planet, including natural sounds (surf, wind, thunder, and animal calls) and human sounds (footsteps, a heartbeat, and laughter). Trump said, “Earth Sounds? What a bunch of crap. Have you ever heard the silent sound of a B2 bomber? No, you don’t hear a thing. You just hear explosions from carpet bombing after you think everything is safe. Also, there’s no sweeter sound than a Tomahawk launch. These are the sounds that the aliens (not our aliens, space aliens!) can really appreciate, although they probably have developed sounds far beyond what America’s Great Military has been able to produce. Even so, I’m sure they will enjoy our new earth sounds.”

Music: Sagan included 90 minutes of diverse music, ranging from Bach and Beethoven to Louis Armstrong. Trump noted, “Sagan did include “Johnny B. Goode" by Chuck Berry, so I can relate to that, but Beethoven? That’s just WOKE and puts me to sleep even at a basketball game with thousands of people that are cheering for me. We’re going to give those aliens Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA” played repeatedly until they wake up.

Visuals: Sagan included 116 photographs and diagrams detailing human anatomy, our solar system, and everyday life on Earth. Trump said, “So boring! For visuals, I’ve carefully selected 46 of the Best of Trump photos, cropping out several of my pedophile friends to save space. Also, as pointed out to me by Pete Hedgepeth, my Great Secretary of WAR (so nice, beautiful, actually), Sagan made the mistake of showing drawings of a nude man and woman thus making us look weak to the alien universe. So, we’ve removed the woman, and we’ll just have a nude drawing of myself with, say, 60 years of experience knocked off. When the aliens see my sculptured manhood, confirmed numerous times by the best Whitehouse doctors, they’ll think twice about messing with Earth! Also, this eliminates the need to discuss the Access Hollywood Tape, Nancy Pelosy, Planned Parenthood, or anything connected to “woman”.

Trump’s Special Message to the Alien Universe “If you’ve come searching for the Epstein files, forget it because it was all FAKE news. As a bonus I have filled up the flipside of this Gold Record with all 3.5 million pages (some text and pictures redacted for “security” reasons) from the files. Once you’ve learned English, you’ll be able to see there is not a single piece of evidence about me in these files. I have been totally exonerated! Eggs are cheaper! Inflation is down! Coal is clean! The 2020 election was stolen! Climate Change is a Liberal fabrication and scientist’s self-employment scam!”

“So, if you want to keep looking for more files, move on to another solar system or maybe you’ll find a parallel universe where everything is the opposite.”

At the signing of the Executive Order President Trump took time to thank the billionaires and others who made such kind comments about his determination to set the “record” straight for the Alien Universe:

Elon Musk: “It would be my plea$ure to launch Voyager 3 and $end the Gold Record out into the empty Univer$e where it may never be $een or heard again!”

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “I was getting a little depressed with the President’s speech, so I was glad to hear the President mention the opposite “parallel universe”. It seems like such a nice place.”

Vladimir Putin: “Этот парень полный идиот!” (Trump said, “I don’t know what he said, but he always smiles when he talks to me! That’s true Respect!”)

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman: “Just between you and me, that gold disk, if sharpened on the edge, would make a great human-sized flesh cutter.”

Record Cover & Interstellar Instructions. The President likes the original record cover designed by Sagan, featuring diagrams explaining how to play the record, where Earth is located relative to several pulsars, and mathematical definitions to ensure aliens understand the binary system. “Look,” said the President, “Sagan was a genius to include his little puzzles to communicate with aliens, and GOLD to make it last thousands of years; what a great idea! But everyone on earth and even aliens, if they are already here (not our aliens, space aliens!), know I am the GENIUS of GOLD. Just look around this gold office (they used to call it “oval”!) and out the window at that magnificent Golden Ballroom. I go outside every day to look at it as the sun sets, and I see the tourists just standing there in silence and total disbelief. Such beautiful memories for them!”

President Trump was concerned about the specific location information for Earth that he thought could be used by aliens to develop targeting instructions that might direct advanced anti-gravity weapons to Mar-a-Lago. He reassured everyone with, “I know that the aliens will be friendly, and I can Make a Deal with them to spare Mar-a-Lago. But, just in case I’m not around at the time (I can probably do one more term after this one, but, you know, maybe the aliens will arrive thousands of years from now), I’ve had the best MAGA astronomers recalibrate the Earth location on the gold record cover to point directly to California.”

reddit.com
u/DMudry — 4 months ago
▲ 9 r/SatireLikeTheOnion

President Trump Orders Voyager 3 Mission to Replace Carl Sagan's “Woke” Golden Record

WASHINGTON, DC. In 1977 astronomer Carl Sagan created a gold record attached to spacecraft Voyager 1 and 2. The gold record was intended to provide information about earth and its inhabitants to any extraterrestrials who might encounter the two spacecraft that are now 13.2 billion miles from Earth. The 12-inch gold-plated copper disks were a "message in a bottle" for any intelligent extraterrestrial life that might intercept the two spacecraft.

Today in the Whitehouse Oval Office, President Donald Trump signed an Executive Order for the launch of Voyager 3 on his birthday to correct the “woke” gold record originally created by Carl Sagan. The ceremony was witnessed by several of Trump’s cabinet members whose life experiences helped Trump revise the messaging on a new gold record, including the experience of a Fox News host, a military Chaplin, CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, cast member of MTV’s “Real World”, and a former NFL player. With the applause of the audience sometimes interrupting his speech, Trump explained the improvements he made for the new gold record.

Audio Greetings: Sagan included spoken greetings in 55 different human languages. Trump, recognizing a total disconnect with the real world, said, “What alien wants to hear all the non-English and unintelligible “greetings” from people in shithole countries? I’ve replaced those ramblings with twelve of my greatest MAGA rally speeches. A lot of smart, very intelligent scholars have compared my beautiful speeches with Italian self-proclaimed Emperor Mussolini at his greatest. I think it’s not always the greetings that are most important. At the end of my conversations, I sometimes get rid of bad people with “You’re fired!” I’ve included a few of those “Greetings” that were directed toward some of my former cabinet members who turned out to be real losers.”

Sounds of Earth: Sagan’s record included a sweeping acoustic collage of our planet, including natural sounds (surf, wind, thunder, and animal calls) and human sounds (footsteps, a heartbeat, and laughter). Trump said, “Earth Sounds? What a bunch of crap. Have you ever heard the silent sound of a B2 bomber? No, you don’t hear a thing. You just hear explosions from carpet bombing after you think everything is safe. Also, there’s no sweeter sound than a Tomahawk launch. These are the sounds that the aliens (not our aliens, space aliens!) can really appreciate, although they probably have developed sounds far beyond what America’s Great Military has been able to produce. Even so, I’m sure they will enjoy our new earth sounds.”

Music: Sagan included 90 minutes of diverse music, ranging from Bach and Beethoven to Louis Armstrong. Trump noted, “Sagan did include “Johnny B. Goode" by Chuck Berry, so I can relate to that, but Beethoven? That’s just WOKE and puts me to sleep even at a basketball game with thousands of people that are cheering for me. We’re going to give those aliens Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA” played repeatedly until they wake up.

Visuals: Sagan included 116 photographs and diagrams detailing human anatomy, our solar system, and everyday life on Earth. Trump said, “So boring! For visuals, I’ve carefully selected 46 of the Best of Trump photos, cropping out several of my pedophile friends to save space. Also, as pointed out to me by Pete Hedgepeth, my Great Secretary of WAR (so nice, beautiful, actually), Sagan made the mistake of showing drawings of a nude man and woman thus making us look weak to the alien universe. So, we’ve removed the woman, and we’ll just have a nude drawing of myself with, say, 60 years of experience knocked off. When the aliens see my sculptured manhood, confirmed numerous times by the best Whitehouse doctors, they’ll think twice about messing with Earth! Also, this eliminates the need to discuss the Access Hollywood Tape, Nancy Pelosy, Planned Parenthood, or anything connected to “woman”.

Trump’s Special Message to the Alien Universe “If you’ve come searching for the Epstein files, forget it because it was all FAKE news. As a bonus I have filled up the flipside of this Gold Record with all 3.5 million pages (some text and pictures redacted for “security” reasons) from the files. Once you’ve learned English, you’ll be able to see there is not a single piece of evidence about me in these files. I have been totally exonerated! Eggs are cheaper! Inflation is down! Coal is clean! The 2020 election was stolen! Climate Change is a Liberal fabrication and scientist’s self-employment scam!”

“So, if you want to keep looking for more files, move on to another solar system or maybe you’ll find a parallel universe where everything is the opposite.”

At the signing of the Executive Order President Trump took time to thank the billionaires and others who made such kind comments about his determination to set the “record” straight for the Alien Universe:

Elon Musk: “It would be my plea$ure to launch Voyager 3 and $end the Gold Record out into the empty Univer$e where it may never be $een or heard again!”

Neil deGrasse Tyson: “I was getting a little depressed with the President’s speech, so I was glad to hear the President mention the opposite “parallel universe”. It seems like such a nice place.”

Vladimir Putin: “Этот парень полный идиот!” (Trump said, “I don’t know what he said, but he always smiles when he talks to me! That’s true Respect!”)

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman: “Just between you and me, that gold disk, if sharpened on the edge, would make a great human-sized flesh cutter.”

Record Cover & Interstellar Instructions. The President likes the original record cover designed by Sagan, featuring diagrams explaining how to play the record, where Earth is located relative to several pulsars, and mathematical definitions to ensure aliens understand the binary system. “Look,” said the President, “Sagan was a genius to include his little puzzles to communicate with aliens, and GOLD to make it last thousands of years; what a great idea! But everyone on earth and even aliens, if they are already here (not our aliens, space aliens!), know I am the GENIUS of GOLD. Just look around this gold office (they used to call it “oval”!) and out the window at that magnificent Golden Ballroom. I go outside every day to look at it as the sun sets, and I see the tourists just standing there in silence and total disbelief. Such beautiful memories for them!”

President Trump was concerned about the specific location information for Earth that he thought could be used by aliens to develop targeting instructions that might direct advanced anti-gravity weapons to Mar-a-Lago. He reassured everyone with, “I know that the aliens will be friendly, and I can Make a Deal with them to spare Mar-a-Lago. But, just in case I’m not around at the time (I can probably do one more term after this one, but, you know, maybe the aliens will arrive thousands of years from now), I’ve had the best MAGA astronomers recalibrate the Earth location on the gold record cover to point directly to California.”

reddit.com
u/DMudry — 4 months ago