r/SatireLikeTheOnion

https://www.der-postillon.com/p/bilder-des-tages-beeindruckende-fotos.html

Full article: https://newsthump.com/2026/05/16/nigel-farage-tells-reform-supporters-stopping-the-boats-will-fix-all-of-your-problems-in-precisely-the-same-way-brexit-did/

Source: https://newsthump.com/2026/05/15/1-4-million-property-purely-for-security-reasons-insists-nigel-farage/

WASHINGTON D.C. — The United States Supreme Court approved (6-3) a retroactively drawn map of the country that was submitted by the Trump administration yesterday — allowing it to be applied to the 2020 election between Joe Biden and Donald Trump.

“The legal precedent for retroactively gerrymandering the entire country is that President Trump has been treated very unfairly,” Justice Clarence Thomas told reporters. “In a world that is full of unfairness, this is a move toward making things right. You would have to be morally bankrupt to disagree with this decision.”

The new map, which completely changed the shape of all 50 states, results in millions of Americans finding out they now call a different state their new home.

“I woke up today to hammering. Someone was installing a ‘Welcome to Florida’ sign outside my window,” former New Yorker, Denise Standsford stated. “My husband had just burned some toast so, taking everything into account, I assumed I was having a stroke and now we have a $6,459 ambulance bill.”

In response, Democrats pushed to impeach Trump, citing that the United States Constitution only allows the President to serve two terms.

As of press time, the Supreme Court disagreed and said that Trump could stay President as long as he wanted.

“Think of it as reparations,” Justice Thomas said. “I believe the Democrats are in favor of that.”

LYNCHBURG, VA — Liberty University, known for its conservative heritage, stunned the political world today when it released its latest study revealing 35% of current Trump supporters are experiencing anything from “at least a vague sense of unease they can no longer push down,” all the way to “full-blown dissociation.”

Dr. Michael Hendricks, Chair of Cognitive Psychology at Liberty University explained the findings.

“I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT… Sorry. Old habits. What I meant to say is… When a deeply held worldview begins to fracture, the psychological apparatus responsible for maintaining narrative coherence essentially goes offline. The individual experiences a kind of affective blunting. They are present, they’re functional, but there’s a dissociative buffer between incoming information and conscious processing,” a sweaty and upset Dr. Hendricks stated. “What we’re observing in this cohort is not denial in the classical sense. It’s more accurately described as a protective derealization… the psyche’s last line of defense before full cognitive restructuring becomes unavoidable. So, with all due respect, these folks had better buckle the fuck up!”

Full article: https://thehardtimes.net/culture/man-referring-to-everyone-as-cunt-after-two-week-australian-vacation/