My ex-boy bff blamed me for not wanting to rekindle our friendship he broke off. AITA for how I responded?
This is a repost. I guess sometime went wrong the first time it was posted.
Cast (added if future update is needed)
OP - OP
Jay - Ex boy bff
Gf - Jays now ex-gf
Delilah - ex-girl bff
Lala - Sis 1
Nisa - Sis 2
Dani - cousin 1
Nini - cousin 2
THIS IS LONG!!! So skip if you don’t like long Reddit posts👌🏾
CONTEXT: I then (17F) became friends w/ Jay then (18M) in HS & im ngl I HATED him at first but I slowly put my guard down & became bffs w/ him since we had a lot in common (similar upbringing, fam drama, mutual interests & stuff like that). Needless to say we were close. We even made a marriage pact where if neither of us were married by 30 we’d marry eachother. He moved in w/ me & my family a few years after we graduated HS & pretty soon we were eachothers physical diary. At that time I started to think maybe the world is trying to put us in a position where we can eventually move in together & go forward w/ being in a serious relationship (which he expressed wanting w/ me multiple times but I was unsure of but was willing to give a shot.) Then 3 years later the unthinkable happened, my baby sister’s Lala then (18F)’s now ex-bff Delilah then (18F) moved in temporarily & Jay (at this time 22) slept w/ her 4 days after meeting her & her moving in. And the crazy thing was THE DAY BEFORE me & him talked about looking for a place so we could move in together & become official to actually get the ball rolling. My cousins Dani & NiNi, my parents, & my sisters Lala & Nisa knew all of this. So she. When i found out about what they did not once but twice they banded together & lied to me & my sister multiple times & eventually told the truth. I never gave him a reason to lie to me about anything & he didn’t NEED to lie about it. We were all single but if he was interested in her too I felt like he should’ve told me instead of leading me to think he wants a serious relationship w/ me while also sleeping w/ her & making her also think he wants to be w/ her too. After that I lost all interest in pursuing a serious relationship w/ him & I stopped trusting him as much as before & I told him this repeatedly so he was well aware of my feelings. A month later we picked up & moved he came w/ us & shortly after he went off to the Army then was dishonorably kicked out of boot camp due to his lack of discipline & fighting. When he came back he lied to me & my mom about him going back (we were helping him look for new recruiters & hookups to get him back in) & said he’s going to Navy instead but switched back to the Army because he didn’t want to start over doing boot camp (he would’ve had to do that anyway since he didn’t graduate.) He didn’t go back to the military & shorty after that moved right back home w/ his mom & was back to his HS BS.
Back in March of 2025 I sent him a DM of some food that I wanted to try w/ him the next time we linked which would’ve been that upcoming summer. I get a DM back responding w/ dont msg Jay again this is his gf. So me knowing him I’m thinking “which one of his fake official gfs is this & whose mom does she think she is? I msg back wanting to talk to him because I don’t do the “I’m speaking for them” shit I want to hear it from them direct not you especially since these days girls be having secret convos they’re bfs don’t know about & I never played that. If you have something to say to me YOU need to tell me what your problem is not a 3rd party that’s how I operate. The convo then goes like this:
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Gf: “you don’t believe me?”
Me: “no, I want to hear it from him.”
Gf: “Okay” *ft calls me from ig*
Me: Hello Jay?
Jay: Yeah?
Me: Who is this telling me to stop talking to you?
Jay: My gf
Me: Where did she come from? Because that’s not the girl you showed me you posted on your V-day story.(Him this gf at this time had a fight on V-day & he posted some other chick & said he didn’t even thought he showed me the photo on FT the day after V-day)
Jay: Yes it is we’ve been together 5 months.
Me: No is isn’t the girl w/ you now she’s thick & the girl you showed me was skinny so who is she?
Jay: (No answer)
Me: That’s what I thought. Anyways-
Jay: Look she wants me & you to stop being friends because she doesn’t want anybody she met that I’ve been in bed w/ apart of our future.
Me: I’ve never met her WTF…
Gf: Yes we have
Me: no we haven’t
Gf: yes we have
Me: no we haven’t I’ve never met you a day in my life & this my first time EVER talking to you. I don’t even know your name!!! WHO ARE YOU??? (I refused to lied on in 4K)
Jay: Listen OP for me & her to work I have to cut you out my life fam.
Me: Really? Your serious?
Jay: yeah
Me: YOU WANT- YOUUUU, YOU want to cut ME off for your new temp gf you’re not even gonna still be with next month (2 weeks from now)?
Jay: Yeah
Me: Are…you…sure? There’s no coming back from this, our friendship will be over permanently this time.
Jay: ……………..yeah
Me: Okay. *hangs up & heart breaks instantly*
I never thought in a million years he would do such a thing especially for a girl HE & I knew he wasn’t going to be with in the long run (I was right). But then the next day when clearing my IG DMS I saw that his now ex-gf msged me & we had our own convo:
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2nd convo me & gf
March 5, 2025
Gf: Hey love you need that? (Do you wanna fight) (I didn’t know that’s what that meant at the time)
MAR 6, 2025 (day after 1st convo)
Me: Who are you & do I need what?
Gf: No worries have a nice day... it's old news
And being the woman 1 am I will apologize for stepping out of character and calling you out your name ... It's Jay gf
Me: I appreciate the apology & I apologize as well. I will continue to not have any contact with Jay from now on, on my own behalf. I wish both of you the best.
MAR 17, 2025
Me: Hey is there any particular reason your bf called me?
Gf: When? Can I see? He said you called him.
Me: I didn’t call him he FaceTimed me twice back to back. I declined the first time. He called again I answer saw it was him & I hung up. I didn’t know it was him until I answered because he was blocked immediately after yesterday’s convo we had & his ID didn’t show.
Gf: *asks for proof that he called me* Thank you for telling me.
Me: NP & *sends screenshot & screen recording w/ his BOTH of his phone numbers unblocked*
Gf: We looking at it we don't see where he called you. I just wanna be sure so i can let you have him
Until then I'm not coming up off that you fucked him you get it.
Me: Was the number I left blank that he called me again from 10 MINS AGO not enough proof?
Gf: What number?
Me: He used 2 different numbers to call me. *sends screen shot of his contact w/ both numbers* (she only had 1 of his 2 numbers).
Gf: Ok yea no that's not cutting it. You want him or something?
Me: I’m just about to let you know. I don't want Jay, okay? I don't want him. And I get that you care about our dirty history & that’s fine.
But I don't I don't care for him in that kind of way. Okay? I'm not trying to take your spot or whatever. I'm just letting you know because I DONT WANT TO TALK TO HIM. I have no desire to be friends with him anymore as of yesterday. But he called me from two different numbers early today & I had no reason to be doing all of this. If that was the case & I REALLY wanted him like that I would’ve been w/ him from the very beginning, but I'm not.
Gf: Well again it just shows you calling him, so it is what it is. I honestly just think you thought he was gonna not take me serious as he usually does & that bothers you cuz you did call him 4 times. (I laughed HARD AF at this text)🤣🤣🤣
Me: (Shortened) I didn't call him four times & you know it. The first two calls were from him, & the last two were from me. One of those calls only happened because my sister told me to call him back in case he was trying to apologize, but he never answered. The first time I called, I didn't even realize it was his number (he was blocked when he called) & He's had so many different phone numbers over the years (10-20) that I honestly don't remember which one is his. I never texted him saying, "I got your number" so Idk what story he told you, but that didn't happen. I don't want your boyfriend especially not after this. We were FWB’s in the past, & that's all it ever was he knew that. I've never tried to interfere with ANY of his relationships, & I wouldn't start now. I've always respected the people he's been with. But what I won't do is let him make it seem like I contacted him first or tried to cause problems in your relationship I want NO PARTS OF. He facetimed me from a blocked number, so I unblocked it to see who it was. Anyone would have done the same. Later, he claimed he received a text from me saying, "I got your number," but I never texted him again. Based on how he called me & how the conversation happened, I don't believe his version of events. I know what happened, & I've told you the truth. Whether you believe it or not is your choice, but I'm not going to accept being blamed for something I didn't do.
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Now to part your here for: We are now (25F) & (26M) I haven’t talked to Jay of his now ex-gf since this convo & I never planned to talk to either of them again until, Nov 21, 2025 when he DM’d me outta the blue on SM. I’m ngl I read his messages, went to his page & saw that he posted a video of us together at the fair & my girl bffs bday party w/ a tagline like “of all the memories we have let’s recreate this one” or sum fake sappy bullshit like that *rolls eyes* This is what he said in the rando DM:
Jay: Hey OP just checking up on you I miss you broskie I pray all is well & I pray you over come any & everything standing in your way I love you till the end of times I know last time we spoke I said things I didn’t mean I really do miss My God mom some days she was the realest mom I ever had some days she was gangster mom 3.7 sometimes she was best friend mom 2.0 but in all honesty no body perfect man we live one life live it to the fullest if make better choices I regret everything I ever said to you & my My God mother even if she still don’t like me anymore or love me man I’d still take a bullet for her in a heart beat yall taught me what family really is through the ugly times we still love each other through the messy we still be there for each other and through the hard and dark time we still stick together and show up for one another because at the end of the day family all we got for real & I really just want to see y’all again more then anything in this world you was my best friend lol some emotional roller coaster that was & deep down in my heart & out you still are I never let go at the end I was really going to treat you right but life had other plans if there is a next time I would like anything that happens in our friendship to just stay between us every one will have a opinion but everybody don’t know me the way you do and everyone don’t know you the way I do. Tell everyone I said hello God bless I love you & miss you all and I think about yall everyday day but not a Tuesday or something like that or eva Mom be saying (inside joke)😭😭 🫂🧸Also be nice to your mom she a real one she love you and she just living life for the first time just like us times will test yall relationship mother to daughter but man that lady love you bro💖 And be nice to Lala to even tho she can be a booty while that’s just her a mean squidward love your mean squidward unconditionally love your mom unconditionally 🥰🫂 You get one life to live and one day it will all be dark till the lord calls us home ight Xezbeth out peace n|gga🫡
My response: After everything you repeatedly did to me with ZERO change, you made it easy to let go & miss nothing about you. You taught me a lot, mostly what I shouldn’t tolerate. I held onto you longer than I should have, didn’t realize how deceptive you really were until you dropped me for someone else even when I had your back at every turn. If you’d been the friend to me that I was to you, & hadn’t used me or my family for your own selfish benefit you’d be the “king” you want to be treated as & wouldn’t be in a position to “miss” me or family (which I don’t believe). But okay I guess😒 Btw my mom doesn’t hate you she just don’t fwy the way she used to.
(There’s extra subtext like gaslighting, disrespect for other people, dismissiveness to my feelings I just can’t fit into this post.)
Jay: Fam I did you no type of way you made a choice & I went off of that I’m sorry you got hurt in the process but to be honest you gotta be real with your self & stop lying & playing victim that’s not cool at all you giving off the wrong narrative & that’s why your mom don’t fuck with me you been lying to me to her to pops & to whoever else bout how you feel towards me from the jump & that’s why you got hurt…you be playing mind games & when I asked you hey if you want a relationship we can go all the way I told you I was going to treat you right girl in your head your gay one moment your not gay the next moment you in a relationship with a dude across the world then the next moment you single like you be playing these games with your self & you get confused you only really wanted me when I’d give my attention to other people and that’s facts your cousin Nini is a witness to your madness you be playing a sweet little angel to your mom and it made sense why your mom thought I’m playing you whole time you been playing with your mom mental this whole time and I sat there and watched it played out I honestly wondered why she was being so mean to me that shiid hurted and you still with the false ahh b.s OP give that fake b.s up Omgosh be truthful with your self man you was the real manipulator at the end of the day got people mad at me man stop it please and tell your mom the truth and that’s tells me you didn’t not grow at all over the time you still that same little girl & that’s right there is why a person can’t be with you at all ……I came to just say hey and happy holidays lee lee I pray your life turns out great btw my life is good I’m not missing you in a bad I actually missed my best friend before the sex even happened the sex messed our friendship up I lost a good friend everything genuine and real over here it’s all love bro please go to church & read your bible bye bro I love yall this my last time talking to you that’s so sad how you playing victim God bless you♥️
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I laugh reacted to this because where tf did he get half of these accusations & why does he lowkey still think I want to be his wife someday????🤣🤣🤣 After reading this I was like playing mind games? With who? Who were players one & two? Who did I lie to when it came to my feelings regarding him? I was direct w/ EVERY ISSUE I ever had w/ him. Playing the victim? Never, Reacting to your repeated disrespect? Absolutely!! And I still don’t know what “truth” he’s talking about in regard to my mom when they fell out over their own 1 on 1 problem I wasn’t included in.
Everybody in my family doesn’t like him because of something he admitted to do doing to either me or them directly so what narrative did I twist to make them hate him? They have their own individual reason to not like him anymore & he did all of them on his own, knowing better, & for some reason still blaming everyone else for his problems & actions.
Almost not graduating HS: It’s the teachers fault his grades sucks.
Dishonorable Army discharge: it’s the superiors & his bunk mates fault he was fighting & not following orders.
Staying between jobs: It’s his bosses fault.
Failed relationships: it’s his gfs fault he’s cheating.
Our friendship ending: Us being intimate was the problem (even though the last we had sex was 3 years before this fallout) so that makes no sense to me.
I haven’t talked to him again since he sent his rando DM but i can’t believe I wasted 8 years of my life being friends w/ him or so I thought just to be cut off for the 3rd time for another temp gf of his. And after talking to my cousin Dani about our fallout (she knew all the ins & outs of our friendship) & she told me she I thinks this over the phone directly from him “over for good” friendship cut off was the final straw for me because if everyone he got a gf his friends & family suddenly didn’t exist then re-exist when he’s single why try & stay in his life when it’s selective?
AITA for how I responded or am I justified?