u/DandyCottenCandy

I got drunk with my best friend, nothing crazy but we got pretty drunk. It was so fun. But what made it even better is that he admitted he loved me. I was over the moon happy because I've been in love for him for years now. To have him tell me he loved me and then spend hours talking about our feelings for each other was a dream come true. Only for it to all be ruined when I had the worst hangxiety of my life for the next two days.

I now understand the crippling part of "crippling hanxiety". All I could do was lay in bed and attempt to sleep, but not even be able to do that. I couldn't eat, I couldn't do my chores, I couldn't do fucking anything. I tried so hard to get up and do something, anything to help, but everything about the world just felt wrong. I couldn't even think without breaking out in a sweat and having a ball of anxiety churn around in my stomach. Somehow I managed to empty the cat's litter boxes and wash the dishes, but I felt awful the whole time. Like the world was just wrong.

I drank so much water, desperate for it to change things. I took my tiny propranolol (1mg) that was prescribed by my psychiatrist for general anxiety, but was scared to take more because she didn't tell me it was ok. I wanted to take some cannabis, which has always made me feel chill and relaxed, but I was so scared it would just make it worse. I wanted to take hair of the dog, but was scared I would just be prolonging the inevitable. Two days I spent as miserable as I'd ever been in my life, scared of doing anything and scared I would never recover.

My best friend's admission now feels like a fever dream and it's tainted with leftover feelings of anxiety when I think about it. I should have been on cloud 9 all weekend, but instead I was in hell. I'm upset that such a beautiful moment of my life is now corrupted. All because of hangxiety, which I used to never get after drinking.

I wonder if it's a reaction with my new atomoxetine meds? I don't know if anyone has some insight on that. I want to stop taking it if that's the case. I love drinking, especially with my best friend, but I never want to drink again if that's what I have to go through again. I really don't want to stop drinking, so any tips for avoiding this situation in the future would be wonderful.

I was playing QP last night on Aatlis as Mercy and my co support started out as Lucio. I know, I know, but it was QP and I've made Lucio/Mercy work enough times that it doesn't bother me to at least try.

Anyway, the enemy Ball was wrecking me and after the first point, I had 5 deaths, which is a lot for me. I was planning to switch after my ult, but my Lucio switched first to Zenyatta. At first I still planned on switching, but something happened - I stopped dying.

I noticed early on and throughout the rest of the game that the enemy Ball had started really focusing our Zen instead of me. What happened is that I would notice the Ball go in and immediately switched to healing my Zen. The Ball would get a lot of damage in, often nearly killing Zen, but then stop after taking some damage either from Zen or another teammate, and roll away long enough for everyone to focus on other things. A couple of times Zen died, but I was right there to Rez him again. We ended up winning the game and I ended up with only 5 deaths total.

My point here is that I believe we won the game that we had definitely started out losing because the Wrecking Ball stopped focusing on killing me and started focusing on Zenyatta. And I'm not saying that I alone won the game, but rather I had the skills/kit to keep my Zenyatta in the game while he was being focused, whereas Lucio just couldn't help me as Mercy stay alive in the same way. I believe that if the Ball kept his focus on me instead of switching to the Zen, I would have kept dying - Zen doesn't have the healing output to help me survive a good Wrecking Ball. But because I was able to keep Zen in the fight long enough despite being focused, it changed the way my team was able to operate.

Of course, it helps that the Ball's team was also unable to kill me or the Zen, or the rest of my team for that matter. I spent most of the match paying attention to and healing Zen, yet somehow my team managed to stay up and working without me babysitting them. So there was a lot more going on for us to have won the game, but I do believe that Ball's prioritization of Zenyatta over me as Mercy had a big hand in helping my team win.

Just some food for thought.