I (28F) ended a 3 year long relationship with my now ex-girlfriend in December of last year. Nothing particularly bad happened, just that we wanted different things on different timelines, and it was making me unhappy to keep waiting for something they would promise would happen only for them to keep putting it off. It was a healthy mutual decision to end things, and apart from checking in on her after a family member passed we haven’t had any contact.
I’ve been spending this year just doing a lot of the bucket list things I’ve put off, not because I didn’t want to do it, but because I used to wait around for her to be ready to do it with me. I’ve learned that I’d rather do things alone or with friends that are ready to take the dive than wait for the perfect person to experience life with.
A lot of these things I’ve ended up doing with my best friend (26M) of 2 years. We’ve scuba dived, skydived, raved, travelled to festivals, road tripped, etc this year. We met when we were both new to town after we had moved into the city for work.
We’ve always been platonic friends and I shared everything with him including venting my frustration about my girlfriend not wanting to take the next step. I’ve set him up on dates and even wingwomaned at speed dating events. It never felt like there was anything there until recently.
The first time I thought the vibe between us had shifted was after we had gone cliff diving together about a month ago. It was more terrifying than skydiving so we when we did our celebratory “oh my god we’re both still alive” dance-hug it lingered a little longer than usual. He rubbed his cheek against mine and I thought it was just a one time thing but ever since then he’s been “accidentally” touching me more often.
From little touches during handoffs of board game pieces, petting my dog together, a leg brushing against mine while we’re at dinner with other friends. Lots of little gifts like CDs or band merch when I miss a show, stickers of fandoms I’m a part of or trinkets of my favorite things. He’s been staying after group hangouts to help me wash dishes or clean up the pregame so we can hang out a little longer and making plans without inviting any of our other mutual friends. He’s also been more dressed up or groomed than usual? Just lots of little things that didn’t happen before.
It’s made me a little unnerved because I feel like if I ask him if he likes me it’ll make things awkward whether or not he says yes. But it also makes me feel uncomfortable not knowing if he still sees me as his best friend and not something else.
Don’t get me wrong, I love him a lot, and I am bisexual, but I’m not sure if I see him that way. While I’m not emotionally attached to my ex, I also don’t think I’m ready to enter another relationship so soon. I want to be alone for a while and think things through and finish figuring out who I am when I’m alone.
If I ask if he likes me and he says yes, I wouldn’t really know what to say and I might lose my best friend if I say I don’t think I’m ready to date again. If I ask if he likes me and he says no then it’ll be an awkward conversation but we’ll get through it. If I don’t ask then it’ll bother me and I’ll remain uncomfortable being alone together.
The kicker is that the more I turned things over in my head, the more I thought that we would work out. The problem is I don’t think I’ll be emotionally available in that way for a while.
I know he’s not the type to say it unless I ask him so I don’t know what to do.