5 years ago I was picked up all the side of a river by the first love of my life so fine when I was a teenager. Thought it was a dream come true was offered possibly to one day adopt her kid. Im 43/m her 42/f. I already had a teenager that I only got visitation with. Me and her were at a rough patch these days me and her but couldn't tell you why but it lasted a year. I wanted this to work so bad coming over the 15 years alone. I figured all I had to do was just be open and honest and just love Focus on her and her kid. She asked for my help to structure so I help I don't think she understood that makes for an unhappy kid just started saving her from the repercussions or Consequences that we agreed to set cuz she was worried about her kids being bratty or privileged but what she didn't know cuz every time she saved her and made me out to look like a bad guy and every time I brought that up she got angry because it made her feel bad I've been trying this whole 5 years listening trying to change she doesn't see she's not changing stonewalling every feeling I Express Every Good Deed is a manipulation out to get her I've been so far as Direct on how much I love her all I want is good and she just looks at me as a liar trying to destroy her life I've been so much loyal want nobody else even now I'm trying to put things out there on post like I'm trying to move on but don't want nobody but her and all she does is give me back Lash thinking I drag your name through the mud cuz I expressed my feelings like this because she won't listen a title of this is I give up on everything because I do I don't know what to do with my life I'm 43 male I was living on the side of a river just me and my dog now I'm under one of her father's with my dog and it's puppy sleeping starving myself every other day because I'm broke because I get emotional make stupid decisions I'm not suicidal I'm just ready to go sick and tired living in this world of abuse I'm tolerant to the pain it just exhausted and taking it

This is the reason why I break down in tears when I see you. I only hope you'll realize how much I really did love you one day....