u/Dangerous-Throat-316

Howdy. So I’m like 4.5 months sober from kratom and alcohol and feel way better, but always a latent anxiety and on weekends when I’m not working I have been feeling sort of just deflated and unhappy and I guess what may be considered depressed, like just sort of couch locked and generally feeling low energy and unhappy.

I know I should probably just start exercising, but anyways, the only thing that makes me feel better is caffeine. Like at work, people tease me with how much I drink. I used to be a black coffee guy when I was using kratom and alcohol and stuff, but since quitting those I’ve started drinking sugar-free energy drinks plus black coffee, which is crazy for me because I never used to drink sugar-free anything, but with how many I’m consuming I don’t want to gain a lot of weight and blah blah blah blah blah.

Anyways, I wonder if actually the caffeine is making me depressed, like it’s messing with my hedonic threshold just like kratom used to.

I guess my real reason for posting is that I wonder if anyone else has ever gotten “sober” (not sure I’d even say I’m sober since I’m drinking so much caffeine, not to sound silly) but started really compulsively consuming caffeine and if anyone has any experience with symptoms of depression going away after consuming caffeine. I have been drinking them basically in the morning, afternoon, and evenings. It’s probably fucking with my sleep, too, obviously, as I can only ever sleep like 4.5 hours at a time and so probably the bad sleep hygiene is making me feel down too.

Howdy.

I just opened up Reddit and saw a post here and remember I used to only come to this sub or post here when I was wigging out, thinking about quitting, within the first few days of trying to quit, etc., and so just thought I’d share how I quit and how much better life is.

I basically tried to quit, kept relapsing, and would often drink alcohol when I tried to quit to knock myself out since you can’t sleep when you quit these things, and quit kratom in general. Bad idea, btw, especially if you had previous substance abuse issues before getting addicted to these, as I used to be an alcoholic.

Well, one morning, I could only afford one FF after a run that quickly ramped up to 10/day, and spent the last money I had on some vodka to help cope with the stress. Yikes. I got a dui, like a really bad one with a lot of extra stuff going on that’s not important here, except that it basically brought me to my knees, and so I decided to check myself into rehab after spending a day in jail.

I am only sharing this because maybe some of you have really great lives outside of your FF addiction and so quitting is not that bad for you, but probably I suspect most of you have very stressful lives and are not just addicted to FF but also masking a lot of painful stuff going on in between your ears, too.

Checking myself into a rehab was one of the best decisions I ever made.

I was not finding success getting sober on my own while also juggling being the sole income provider for my wife and 2 young kids, but the thought of going to rehab seemed impossible because I didn’t think I could take 30+ days off of life to truly sober up and get through the WDs, but I could and I did.

I’m not gonna lie to you, my extended family helped with bills and groceries while I was gone. I say this because I don’t want to gaslight people who aren’t as fortunate, but I still encourage anyone who is just stuck in this terrifying loop of addiction to consider some way to make rehab happen for you.

For me, it honestly took 40 days before I felt 100% back to normal physically and emotionally, like to where I didn’t feel exhausted all day and to where the anhedonia had begun to wear off and I could actually feel positive and hopeful, but I know some people bounce back sooner, and I think it’s multifactorial in that I had a lot of demons I had to face while in rehab on top of getting over the PAWS.

While in rehab, at first I felt insane anxiety, and in the past I left rehab early (went one time 3 years ago) because I felt too guilty and ashamed to sit there while not making money for my family, but this time, anytime I started feeling anxious I would just sit with that feeling and long story short I came to terms with a lot of negative feelings I’d been masking, and by the end of it even decided to change careers (leaving software development, which has been my whole identity for a decade, and getting into something totally new, mortgage lending, which has been so, so refreshing and vital for my recovery).

You guys, it feels so good to be 100% sober for almost 5 months. There is a way out. I suggest rehab for anyone really struggling, and there is likely a rehab near you that will be paid for by either your state insurance, or, if you don’t qualify for state insurance because your income is too high, then the federal SABG grant. Look into SABG, but also don’t overthink it because you really can’t put a price on sobriety.

You may be like me, where you felt you just couldn’t go because you had to keep the ship running and provide for your family or you can’t lose your job or tell your boss whatever, you couldn’t just take 2 months off to heal your mind, but I implore you to really think of some way to make it happen. And I’d suggest doing more than 30 days, at least 60, but 90 if it’s possible. I did 65 days, but would have stayed a bit longer but had a new job starting.

You gotta pay the piper some time. You can’t just abuse drugs for years and then not expect it to take a measly couple months to recuperate.

Again, everyone’s situation is different, but if you’re like me and have been abusing substances for almost 2 decades (I’m 33) and are hooked on FF (hardest thing I ever quit) and it’s ruining your life and negatively impacting not only you but your family - and of course your finances - I strongly suggest you consider that maybe you can’t afford not to take it very seriously and go to a professional facility that specializes in getting people sober, aka a drug rehab / treatment center.

You gotta be careful, often times they try to get you to take all these pharmaceuticals and that’s obviously between you and your doctor or whatever, but for me I am 100% sober, no meds no nothing, made a drastic career pivot that I never thought I’d be able to do, and my relationship with my wife is improving so much and I just feel so much happier. Some days are hard and the old me would have used normal life stress as an excuse to get high, but fortunately for me I had a really bad rock bottom getting arrested and almost losing my marriage where it forced me to say FUCK THIS and NO MORE. But that being said, it took me like 40 days to not feel just empty and numb. And previously, I just couldn’t handle feeling that way while still acting as a provider and a dad and a husband - it was too much and I would just say “fuck it” and relapse to be who people needed me to be.

I am rambling, but I just felt the need to share because I remember posting here like “day 3” whatever, recalling how horrible I felt, how trapped I felt, how scared I was and frankly how absolutely miserable I felt and I am so sorry for anyone who currently feels like I did.

Anyways if anybody needs to talk or whatever let me know and I hope this maybe gets one person to check themselves into a rehab and just throw in the towel. Don’t wait like me for some crazy life event to blow up in your face to force to you to snap tf out of it and then have to deal with the fallout of your crash out. DUIs are expensive and being on probation is really something.

Rant over. Good luck. You can do this.

I submitted my taxes late this year.

I did W2 and 1099 work in 2025.

I submitted my TurboTax filing with just the W2 and was gonna get back a nice chunk of money and was stoked because I am struggling hard right now, but then later that day found my 1099 and so thought I should try to amend it, but now it says I will not get the few thousand back and I owe a few thousand, which is insane, but I guess because it pushes me into a higher tax bracket that is why. It’s insane because if you add up how much I was gonna get vs how much I now owe it is the same amount of what was missing on the 1099.

I assume the IRS will catch it, but is it likely I’ll get the $7K first and then owe it on next year?

Or is it possible because it was not much money that I didn’t report that nothing will happen?

I don’t know if I should amend the return now even though I can’t pay the owed amount, or just let my initial filing play out.

Help! I was really excited to get back some money and now am freaking out that I may have committed a financial crime if I don’t amend.