r/Quittingfeelfree

I have CT so many times that I have lost count, and each time I do it it gets more and more horrific. I thought I would try this method so day one, dressed to go to work I took my small dose of subs and prayed to God I would not PW. Took it headed to work and out side of some phlegm in my throat and sweats I was good to go. Took my normal dose of 7 and it was a great day. I have increased each day the sub dose and I am on day 4 and I swear to you guys I did not noticed until I was off of work that I had skipped 2 full doses without even realizing it. This works guys, I feel myself caring less and less about taking my dose when a week ago my day revolved around it. I have dropped from 800-1000mg to about 400 without even realizing it. No real withdrawal symptoms other than that phlegm and a bit of temperature control. It works guys it really does i am shocked how well it has worked for me. God bless and good luck.

Posting on this forum because I am lost at what to do.
My husband has always been a golden retriever type by nature. He is sweet, hard working, genuine, servant hearted. A year ago, he brought me a feel-free while I was at work. He told me to try it, so I did, and I understand the effects. It makes you feel good, makes you want to be productive, but also super chatty and mood lifting.
I took half a bottle another time with him after and a night out and we were hungover. It made me super sick and I never did it again.

Little did I know, he was in a full-blown addiction. Months went on, our marriage was changing. I thought it was me, got into counseling, tried digging up whatever could be provoking such issues in our marriage.

He would come home from work, drained, not speaking to me, honed in on his phone. He stopped working out over these months, he would throw up a lot. We started fighting every day. He would tell me I was crazy and that my mood was the reason he was this way, and that I didn’t consider how exhausting and stressful work was. He’s in construction, and it’s always been stressful, but he’s never been one to crack under stress.
So I believed it was me, but I always felt like my mood was a reaction to his complete absence.

Fast forward to June, we were walking and connecting. He began to tell me how he wanted to straighten up his life. Get back into reading his Bible and leading our family - but there was a crack in his discipline that seemed to erode every other area of his life. He then confessed he had a problem, he was addicted to kratom.

And suddenly it all made sense. The sketchy gas station charges that racked up. (I thought it was fraud and they were double charging his card for the energy drinks and food he would get.) The weekend mornings when he would leave super early to go get “donuts” for our kids.
He said he wanted to stop and he needed accountability and support. I responded with softness. And then the betrayal came and all of the lies and the build up of the last year crashed down on me. My anxiety and ocd tendencies came back. I was crying every day. And I thought he was quitting, when we went through a weekend of him detoxing and not sleeping.

A month goes on and my gut was telling me he didn’t. The charges stopped, but suddenly cash was missing out of my wallet, cash back charges were showing up. I asked God for a sign, and on our evening walk, I saw a little blue bottle “Feel Free.” He lied to my face, as he had been for the last month of me asking and checking in. I went to his truck to find several receipts where he didn’t. I took our kids and left. I told him I wasn’t coming back until he got into counseling and sought out professional help.

I’ll add that he smokes weed to help with the comedown, every single day, starting in the mornings on weekends.

He started seeing a counselor and promised me that he had quit, our family leaving him being enough of a wake up call. I trusted him, not finding any more evidence.
Until I ordered special drug tests to see. I just needed confirmation he was being honest after months of lying.
It’s the end of September and I tested him one afternoon. It came back positive. I took him to his parents, made him tell them.
I dont think they really understood the severity of what kratom is. They gave him a pep talk, some small solutions to get involved in a Christian ministry. I left feeling like that was enough. I thought he had the motivation. That was a week and a half ago.
Last Tuesday, I stopped by his work to talk to him, and I found a receipt in his truck where had bought two and another the day before.

I feel so lost. I feel like I need to leave. It is destroying me as a partner. I don’t have trust. I think he needs to go to a facility and I need support as well.

Can someone please give me insight, words of wisdom, anything?

I did what everybody suggested and I got the Mary Ruth's vitamin C and have been mega-dosing that along with magnesium glycinate twice a day. Two separate times between those taking anti-inflammatories, chewing antacids, every 5 minutes sipping something... Forcing in small soak up meals, Gatorade, ice water, hot chai tea, chicken broth etc etc. every single one of them was extremely beneficial. Because honestly I shouldn't feel as good as I do at the moment but it all resides on your overall hydration and physical health on how our bodies handle this. And do not overdo it on the vitamin C or magnesium. 1,000 mg capsule of vitamin C in the morning and two magnesium glycinate. Same at night but only with the magnesium and take your ibuprofen and acetaminophen and what not throughout the day as needed. That is how I did it and how I'm still doing it though at my weight. So make sure you do your own research on what size capsules you may have gotten and your weight. STAY HYDRATED. Stay strong. I love you all very much. We could have never imagined a god forsaken drink from the gas station could do this to us. I found out well too late what I was doing to myself. In the last 62 hours I have saved almost $1,000 because I would stock up. If you're on here reading these... Take that leap. You will thank yourself and your loved ones will too.

I’ll admit to everything here . I have spent a better part of 2 1/2 months being my downest of bad of all time on this crap. I’m 25, I started when I was 16. 16-21 i was using kratom during the era where you could buy shit online , and the internet was telling you there was nothing bad about it . Being a kid you’re very naive to self reinforcing dialogue like that. Quite literally after Turing 21 I was told a kava bar opened up near my house . I went because the person I started my addiction with ( my step brother) was working there. I went and basically tore my whole life apart from March to December of 2022. Then I had a massive break up and bucked up and pulled my shit together . I just went to kava after a two week break in January. Didn’t go back to kratom . I stayed in the kava only phase for 6 months until physical side effects became too much of a problem to bare. I switched to alcohol ( genius i know ) , I then spent a year in heavy drinking. Until… I got in trouble with my career, and potentially lose it unless I got treatment. Anyways, went totally stone cold for a year. And the. Flipped back to kratom because I thought it wasn’t a big deal. Next thing you know a year and half later from restarting I try to stop for 48 hours. Bam I have a seizure and crash my car. I have to pause work for 2 months . I find out I have a brain tumor, been there since I was 19 or so . Anyways during this work break I cut back and get somewhat healthy again. But once work started up again , I started using those damn blue bottles . Next thing you know I’m upping 15 bottles a day. And lost 30 lbs in 2 months . My family, gf, and friends are all looking at me and talking to me with the concern of someone being in hospice . Everytime I go to do anything g with anyone, a part of my brain is saying , make this a good time, it might be the last they have with you . Fuck man, this is so so so bad, I’ve never been so low that I think I’m putting my death on the table fr. I’m scared man.

This is pretty intense

So I’m on day 13 clean. I caved and had one tea, the cravings were just overbearing. For those of you who are over the WD hump, what are yall doing to fight the cravings?