u/Dangerous-Walk-7914

I want to post my story: I just want some kind of closure.
I grew up in a religious Muslim environment b7al koulchi, where being gay was never okay. Even though I left that about a year ago, those beliefs still affect how I see myself.
About four years ago, a guy messaged me pretending to be a girl. When I found out, I didn't stop it, I got curious. I started asking questions about what it's like to be with men, and he sent me videos. I watched them, and after that, I kept going back to those videos sometimes. It’s like something in my brain deep inside got unlocked and now it’s all normalized in my head.
Over time, I started experimenting on my own and even tried meeting men. But every time I walk into their place, I would panic. I'd start shaking and leave. I don’t know what to do, I don’t like men physically, but when my brain is in the gutter I just don’t care, I want you to try. But I can’t.
I think I'm scared in both directions, scared I might like it, and scared I might not.
Now I feel stuck. I don't know if I'm gay, straight, or bisexual. I just know I'm confused and tired of not understanding myself.

I am straight, I do not find men attractive, however, I think I got desensitized to straight porn and not I sometimes watch gay porn for a change.
It’s been 4 years now. I don’t know what to think of this. Anybody has an idea about what is going on in my head?