It's hard to see the light at the end of this extremely long tunnel
I can't see past how I feel. I can't see anything. For someone who's imagination is so fucking active and strong I can't even picture myself 5 years from now. Shit, I can't even see myself a year from now. Being so up and down is frustrating. I'm doing the work. I'm learning the things and I even have support but I just can't get past these fucking feelings. I didn't ask to be born and I damn sure didn't ask for bpd. But that doesn't matter. I'm still held responsible for my actions and reactions and whatnot. It's not fair but life is never fair. I just hope I don't take anyone down with me. I feel so fucking bad for the people who love me. I'm trying for them but it's too hard. But it's not about me anymore. My life is no longer mine the second I became a parent. She didn't ask to be here either so I must make here as good as I can for her. What a terrible burden. To be someone's reason for living. That's a lot of weight to carry. I'm a lot of weight to carry.