Hypomania is weird
I don’t even know where to start this week.
I’ve been sleeping around 3 hours a night. Running on this weird mix of exhausted and electric. My brain feels like it can’t decide if it wants to sprint or collapse. Fast thoughts, fuzzy thoughts, feeling like something is wrong but not always being able to explain what.
There were moments this week where I felt like someone was there when no one was. Moments that felt like jump scares. Moments where I didn’t trust my own interpretation of things.
I self-harmed after being clean for a while.
I saw my therapist. She clocked the hypomania before I even said it out loud. I left angry and I still don’t know why. Maybe because I’m mad at everything right now.
I left work today. Went on a Tinder date. We got drinks, got high, hooked up. It felt good. It felt awkward. It felt human. I don’t know if I want more of him or more of the feeling.
I keep bouncing between wanting to run away, wanting open roads, wanting connection, wanting intensity, wanting quiet.
I’m tired. My body is tired. My brain is not.
I just want to talk with someone.
How are you all?
Anyone have any weekend plans? I’m planning on taking a day trip 4 hours away to a lake.
Other key themes: bugs, electricity, toasters