u/Dangerous_Soil_1111

31F, 179cm, just jumped two levels into a strategy role working under a GM in a core commercial function at a mid-sized but large scale consulting company.

Dress code is smart casual, with proper business wear when needed. I like dressing modern/elegantly and don’t mind heels, but they’re impractical and I’m already tall. I’ve also dealt with the occasional small-man syndrome in past workplaces, although the execs here seem chill. I’ll be one of the only women working closely with an almost entirely male GM/exec group.

Currently have black Chelsea boots and clean white leather Reebok sneakers. I’m a Soft Dramatic Kibbe type, so sleeker, strappier and elongated styles tend to suit me better than chunky loafers.

That said, I’m very willing to play the corporate game if it actually pays off. I’m happy to wear makeup every day and present myself in whatever way benefits perception, credibility and ultimately salary. I just
want to know which cards are actually worth playing.

For women in Aus corporate: what shoes read polished/senior? Flats, kitten heels, 5–7cm heels, pointed boots? And do you bother with heels outside client meetings/events?

Happily single, but every now and then my grandma gets bored and tries to remind that it might actually be nice to have a lovely man around.

I’m feminine, tall (179cm), athletic, practical, curious, and a little hard to categorise. I love getting dressed up, having a laugh over good food and good music, and admiring beautiful things, but I’m just as happy choking someone out in BJJ, trail running, woodworking, gardening, art, DIY, or learning some increasingly niche skill for whatever project has taken over my life that week. I’m the kind of woman who wears makeup while gardening because it has SPF, then somehow ends up deep-diving drill bits and power tools. Definitely a ‘looks like a cinnamon roll, could kill you’ kinda vibe.

Most of my interests turn into projects, quests, rabbit holes, or mildly unhinged money making schemes with my girlfriends. I’m ambitious and intensely curious, but also deeply unserious. I laugh a lot, love quick wit, taking the piss, and conversations that can swing from genuinely interesting to completely ridiculous in about thirty seconds.

I love hiking, camping, remote beautiful places, vibrant cultures, my very questionable LATAM Spanish, too much YouTube, and slow days with my grandma doing Dolce Vita for hours.

I tend to like men who are grounded, kind, generous, capable, and have built a good life of their own. An established career, financial sense, emotional steadiness, and general adult competence go a long way. Competence is extremely attractive to me. Teach me something oddly specific, fix something, make me laugh, bring me something you made or found and do what you say you’re going to do.

Ultimately, I’d love a genuine partnership where we respect each other, make each other’s lives better, and have a lot of fun doing it.

I don’t date much because I genuinely enjoy my own life, so you’d need to be someone who makes me think: hmm… you might actually be better than whatever weird project I had planned for Saturday.

That’ll probably get me.

Im a white belt woman in my 30s and I’ve been training at this academy for about six months.

The gym itself is excellent: clean, well run, diverse, close to home, and full of good people. My coach is also technically very skilled, and I respect his jiu-jitsu.
I’m still shit at jiu-jitsu, but I’m committed to learning. I ask questions, take notes, research outside class, roll safely, follow etiquette, and try to be a good training partner.

The problem is that I increasingly feel like my coach actively dislikes me. It’s not one major incident. It’s a pattern of subtle behaviour:

- I say hello and get ignored, then the person behind me gets a warm greeting.
- He often assumes negative intent from me while giving others the benefit of the doubt.
- He gets irritated when I quietly step myself through techniques I’m confused about.
- He avoids eye contact with me during the end-of-class lineup while acknowledging everyone around me.
- There was one incident where he was unusually critical of a younger partner, and I strongly felt she was copping it because I was there.
- A few ideas I’ve experimented with have later been presented as his own without acknowledgement.

Individually, these things sound minor. Together, they feel deliberate and targeted.

I also get the impression he knows I wouldn’t tolerate being spoken to aggressively or disrespectfully, so any issue he has with me comes out in much more covert ways.

I’ve also been rehabbing an injury with the physio he recommended. There was pressure to push through it, but I followed the physio’s advice and healed properly.

The grading situation also feels weird. I know stripes don’t matter, but people who have trained much less seem to have twice as many. The only stripes I’ve received came immediately after I gave him a small thank-you gift which he sheepishly accepted.

One other training partner has noticed it but didn’t care because he’s on the coach’s good side.

I don’t think a direct conversation would go anywhere because there’s no single obvious incident. It’s more like death by a thousand paper cuts.

I like the gym and my teammates, but I’m increasingly anxious about going to class and I’ve taken a big break. I’m going to try smaller morning classes with a more relaxed coach, but I’m genuinely considering leaving.

The problem is that I also own two branded gis and have an eight-week cancellation period. I hate paying a rude guy to train me and I can’t even show up.

Has anyone dealt with subtle, targeted behaviour from a coach? Did you change classes, confront it, ignore it, or leave?

TL;DR: Great gym and technically excellent coach, but I feel like he covertly dislikes and targets me through repeated small behaviours. I’m anxious about training and considering switching classes or leaving, but I’m tied into branded gis and an eight-week cancellation period.

Update 1: I feel like it’s silly to be paying for an experience that makes me feel this way. I asked for an extended pause on my membership.

I’ve booked in a trial at another gym and they have a no lock in option that I will try so I can continue my training.

Thanks for helping me!

Update 2:

I can see that I probably contributed to the tension too. I think I struggle a bit with having to depend on someone else for my safety and with fully settling into being the beginner, and I may have come across as more challenging or authoritative than I realised.

At the same time, there were still parts of it that left me feeling dismissed and made it hard for me to trust the environment. I don’t think I need to work out exactly who was right or what was going on in his head.

Taking some space just feels like the right move for me.

Thank you for all persisting with me, rather than attacking me. Your advice has genuinely helped and I’m happy about my next moves.