r/BJJWomen

I'm in my late 30s. Probably haven't exercised in over 10 years since I've had my kids. My youngest daughter joined BJJ just over a year ago. She competed in her first competition and won gold, and I was so inspired by all the athletes who participated. Everyone looked so badass, and it just reminded me how long ago it's been since I've worked out.

I did a trial class at the same gym that my daughter goes to. It's definitely harder than it looks. But one thing I noticed, of all my body parts, is how weak my neck is. The constant turning and lifting of my head off the mat to do these maneuvers. By the end of the class, I lifted my head to drink water and couldn't bring my head back down. It's like it just fell backwards and I couldn't lift it back up.

Anyone else find that after their first class?

edit edit: you all gave me such kind advice and good ideas. it really helped so much! thank you all 🫂

edit: im still here because 3 of the other people are so amazing at instruction that I learn tremendously from them, even though they aren't the head person and are brown belts. like I want to move like these 3 people more than anything, and I am so happy when I go to their classes!

We are a MMA club and have a beginner bjj, advanced bjj, and women's bjj classes. I go to all three and cross train 1-2 times a week at 2 other places with womens only classes. One of them is taught by a 3 time world champ that currently competes and she is wonderful! Im turning 50, 5'2 and 165, but i lost 70 lbs and have replaced a lot of that with strength, mostly due to PT after shoulder and knee surgeries. I am autistic, have poor proprioception, and I'm hypermobile (ehlers danlos).

Our owner and head coach teaches advanced, a brown belt teaches beginner and women's (different people) and a brown belt/judo black belt/sambo red belt teaches sambo.

While the other people at the gym say I am progressing well (2 year white belt with 2 white stripes) i often feel like the judo instructor thinks im stupid even though we do a lot of tall-guy throws. Kodokan style is also a lot harder with weight or height imbalance compared to kosin judo. I got tired of being told i wasnt really trying when I am, but it's harder for me than it is for a 30 year old black belt (i mean duh) so I have to work more and it takes longer. The guy laughs and points out something youre doing wrong to anyone who happens to be near by while people are learning a throw. He did that to everyone but I hated it all the same. It stressed me out. So I stopped going to judo at yellow belt. I felt awful after each class even though I knew I was improving. Progress feedback in judo is more impactful 😀

In BJJ, the head coach gave me my first bjj stripe, but shook his head sadly and said "sometimes you gotta take lumps" twice while he was putting on the stripe. Other people he compliments an improvement or change and generally says positive things. I felt really bad and sad afterwards because of what he said, but i dont know if that was the right feeling to have because autism makes it hard for me to understand what people mean. Maybe i misunderstood. But it still makes me sad when I think about it. The other stripe was by the style creator during his paid seminar... so i feel like I bought it.

All of that and a healthy fear of leg locks has made me decide 6 months ago that I never wanted a promotion and I would gauge my own progress myself and through other people's responses to me, which have become more positive as I train. I increased my workouts, drilling etc. I found myself really improving.

So all that was fine until Wednesday. After a roll, my head coach said all i do is muscle through stuff and try to use strength, which is fine for womens class. Btw thats a funny joke if you train womens class, strength means diddly if the other woman is higher belt! Or nine years old. Looking at you, Avery, you little bully!

Anyway, he said i only use one tool in the toolkit and its useless. For the record my bench press is 20 lbs on a smith machine and i have a weak grip due to thumbs and fingers that dislocate easily. I have strong legs but not like she hulk! So I do not feel particularly strong as I've never been strong my whole life. I know guys are stronger than me so why would i bother with strength??? I was like, autistic brain, will parse this later to decode! Then he compared me to him with an anecdote.

He was a white belt for 7 years because he refused to use jiu jitsu. Apparently he regularly beat black belts using only wrestling, but once he did jiu jitsu, they promoted him. FWIW he was not saying I regularly beat people. He was humble bragging. So I think I am him in this scenario and only use my strength? I only have one chess peice on the board and ignore all the other pieces, another analogy. Though I dont know why he thought I needed multiple analogies 🤔

I have tried not to care about promotion , but a promotion is a form of external validation, whether or not we like it. So even if i do manage to win a competition in order to meet his criteria, I might get another sad head shake and "sometimes you gotta take some lumps" which hurt so much. I dont want to feel that again.

Its made me wonder why bother? I cant believe I spent 2+ years, 2 surgeries and a pulmonary embolism to do something so bad. Like everything i felt about my improvement when rolling and drilling, everything other people observed about me rolling, its all just a lie. Getting validation from my coach is impossible due to requirements i may never be able to meet. So i cant trust my own observation, other people, and will never get external validation by an expert. Or even worse, a pity promotion for the special needs weird old lady.

I have insomnia and im spiraling so bad. Its making me feel just awful. I love bij and judo so much but it feels like i am doomed to failure so what's the point??

Anyway if you got this far, sorry for the word wall!

I am a blue belt and have been training for about 7–8 years. I compete 2–3 times a year, but I wouldn’t consider myself heavily competition-focused—I’m definitely in the hobbyist category. (TL;DR: my last competition involved a 16-year-old Brazilian phenom smashing me on my head, resulting in a minor concussion. It made me realize I have zero desire to compete at that intensity level. More power to the people who do.)

My gym is pretty lucky in that we have a lot of women of varying levels, including an OG black belt and an MMA fighter (and no, we are not one of those big-name gyms).

My issue is this:

There is a purple belt woman who, back in January during our last belt promotion testing, frankly got her shit wrecked—partially by me and partially by the other women. Our gym runs promotion testing as a very intense, back-to-back situational format, essentially like a super fight king-of-the-hill at the end. This is well advertised and not a surprise to anyone.

After that January session, I noticed she started acting cold toward me and the other women—just generally not being friendly.

I continued my normal friendly interactions: always smiling, being respectful, and accepting her “no” if she didn’t want to roll, keeping my own ego in check.

This past week, one of the white belt women was venting to me and said, “Why is this purple belt so mean?” Apparently, during a roll, the white belt had an advantageous position, and the purple belt responded by kicking her in the face and repeatedly saying things like “no, wrong, wrong, wrong.” The white belt said she felt extremely demoralized and that the interaction made her want to quit. We expect intensity from the men sometimes, but not usually directed like this toward newer women.

Last night, I said hi to the purple belt while maintaining my usual polite and friendly attitude, and I received the same cold shoulder. I didn’t even ask her to roll—it didn’t seem worth it.

At this point, and this might be my ego speaking, I want to roll with her again, and if the same attitude comes out, say something. Or at least address the cold shoulder directly. I’ve noticed she is friendly with the men but not with the women.

I’m not trying to create drama or assert dominance—I just don’t like the dynamic of women competing against women in this way, and I’m unsure how to proceed. I also do not like hearing a lower level girl having an experience like this with a higher belt women

hey guys I’m pretty new at bjj but some scary TikTok’s came across my page recently

they’re videos that show people rolling then they end up with a broken arm or leg. and they’re always in no gi 😭 it really scares me away from the sport

i don’t know much but i just want opinions on the risk of signing up for these classes… I much rather leave class with all 4 limbs…

are gi classes the safer option, esp since im on the smaller side?

i tried no gi twice (trail/fundamentals) and i will say for sure i ended up leaving with alot of bruises in weird places… (partly bc i suck LOL)

My identical twin and I started going to the gym. We trained and improved together, but eventually, our trainer started pitting us against each other. she would have us perform the same exercises simultaneously and reward whoever won. It was pretty wild, but I actually kind of liked it. Why do you think she’s doing this?

Edit: Thanks for all your comments, they have made me feel better - to the poster who deleted their comment saying I should kill myself based on my profile… I hope your day gets better and go touch some grass. You need the vitamin D.

Sorry if this feels like a woe is me post but I nearly bust into tears today as I was rolling with 4 heavy dudes and I just kept getting dominated. It’s like the instruction goes in one ear, tumbles around a bit in my brain then shoots out the other ear.
I hate thinking that the professors think I’m stupid but that’s all that’s going on in my head as I try to survive being squashed.

Hi so I get this might not be an issue for most people here but I have Hypermobility ehlers danlos syndrome (my joints are really bendy and dislocate easily,lucky me) I’ve found that every part of my body is fine for the most part (as in it doesn’t really hurt when they get dislocated) when I’m getting torn to pieces except my knees, earlier this week I tried passing guard with a knee cut but as soon as I got my knee to the mat it dislocated and was disgustingly painful, I’m just hoping somebody in here had any advice 🥲 like is there any way I can limit the risk in my knees or is it just a suck it up kind of situation? I really love this sport but I’m worried something as stupid as sitting on my knees too long will put me out

For context: I had the stomach flu about two and a half weeks ago and lost five pounds in one weekend and could barely move for two days. A few days later, I'd only gained one pound back. My appetite has dramatically decreased since then and I basically have to force myself to eat. (I'm also finishing my first month of taking a really low dose of Prozac which can decrease appetite, though I hadn't had a problem with that before this.)

The first week after the stomach flu, I went back to class a couple of times and kept it extremely light. By two weeks, I was feeling better, so Saturday I rolled like normal. We do an hour of class and then a half hour of open mats. I was fine for the class, did one hard round with another white belt where I got kind of tired, then did a round with a brown belt I hadn't seen around before. The brown belt guy basically trapped me on the bottom and kept pressure on my chest for a lot of it, and tapped me within a couple of minutes. I told him I needed to take a break, which he was fine with for a minute. I wasn't feeling great and my head felt kind of weird. He asked a couple more times if I was ready again, and I kept telling him no until he finally offered to let me just stay on top the next time. I reluctantly agreed and submitted him within a minute (yeah, he totally let me), but when I got off, my vision was pulsing black and my head felt so weird, like I didn't have any blood going to it (but I wasn't lightheaded). The brown belt tried to ask me how long I've been doing BJJ, but I couldn't think clearly to answer even though I wasn't out of breath.

I went over to my coach who immediately asked if I was ok and I said I didn't know. I sat next to him for the rest of open mats with my vision still going black repeatedly and with me shaking a ton. I never actually blacked out. My coach eventually asked what I'd eaten for breakfast since he was guessing I was having a sugar crash (and looking it up later he was probably right).

A couple days later, I weighed myself again and found instead of regaining the one pound, I'd lost another two pounds.

I went back to class a few days later and could feel the beginnings of what had happened before, but I stopped and laid down each time and kept things away lighter.

My question is: Have any of you experienced something like this before? Or do I need to go get checked out by a doctor? 😅

The vision thing was crazy and kind of scary.

I'm training now around 8 months, 3-5 times a week and I genuinely love doing it! But my recovery is just not on point. I go home, eat something, shower and then go to bed.

That worked for me in the beginning but lately im noticing that my body isn't fresh before the next training. Especially my upper back and my traps are very bad.

I stretch from time to time and know I should do it more often but never know where exactly to start. I've tried a lot of things like rolling but I can never get the right spot for by back and i don't feel like it helps with the soreness.

What does your routine look like? anyhting special you have for me and my upper back :) I'll take any suggestions bc im starting from 0 here

Thanks

A blue belt pins a teenage white belt down with side control.

White belt: "Gah, I just can't seem to get out of side control"

Blue belt: "Everyone finds it hard, it's ok. You'll figure it out, you're just new."

White belt: "I'm not new, I've been to like 14 classes!!! 😤"

😂😂😂

I want to hear from the females in the group, what is your go-to outfit for grappling/fighting. It’s been a bit since I have done this, but I always rock my leggings (sometimes flared) or spandex shorts when grappling/fighting

I keep going back and forth on brands and really need some inspo. Whats the best nogi set you own? Preferably I’d want shorts that have liner in them that resemble running shorts , I have thick legs and that’s a must.

40-year-old white belt nearing blue any day now. A year and a half in I'm learning to protect myself better, slow down, and stave off the small injuries that pop up. I would love to hear general advice about how you've lessened your injury risk in BJJ.

I know it's not possible to eliminate it altogether of course, but newbie and intermediate advice is welcome! As a smallish but not teeny person (5'4" 145lb) I know to be careful with new male white belts, avoid explosive unnecessary movements, exercise caution during takedown practice, and recover plenty.

Any other advice for us 40+ gals playing the long game is appreciated! Especially positions to be mindful of (no taking people on their knees backward, for example) and moves/styles that require extra awareness for safety. I'll take all of it I can get as I expand my game. Thank you!

I’m a white belt (zero stripes) woman 37F who’s been training bjj for about 9 months now. I enjoy the sport, I trained Muay Thai predominantly throughout my 20s and still do 1-2x a week at the same gym, but also train bjj 2x a week. I wish I could train more but family obligations keep me away. I’m the only mom and also older woman that trains currently at my gym (not sure if that’s relevant). My kids also train at this same gym. I’m not very good at bjj, am slow to pick up the technique but I try hard and have noticed some small improvement.

Anyway, I’m at a small gym. I’m frequently the only or one of 2 women there. Currently the only white belt woman. Sometimes there are 3-5 women there a night but it’s rare. Due to my schedule I’m only there on gi nights and we have about 5-10 people max.

Twice this month I rolled with a man that I’ve rolled with before and a higher belt. One was blue and one was purple (who’s also a frequent assistant teacher for the kids, including mine). And twice now, as we’re having a productive roll where I was already submitted once (it’s fine because I’m obviously not as good as they are) and I feel like we’re in a good flow - the man grabs my hand out of nowhere where I’m trying to grab his gi collar and rips the wrist lock. Both times I screamed from pain and stopped the roll at that immediate time and couldn’t continue the roll or roll with anyone else that night. Like I literally felt like I blanked from the pain and couldn’t move after until I recovered a minute or so later. I don’t know if it’s because I have weak bad wrists or can’t handle the pain of these but this is literally the first submission I’ve ever experienced where I’m frozen by the pain and can’t function for a little bit after.

The first man acted surprised that I responded like that and apologised. Haven’t seen him since. And the other one (purple belt teacher) also acted surprised but then didn’t say anything while I recovered and then just fist bumped me when I left to get my gear (and pack up for the night). My wrist still felt “off” that whole evening.

What’s my best approach in this scenario? I was genuinely shocked physically and mentally with this submission during both the rolls with both men that I’ve rolled with before and thought I trusted. Usually I find the submissions by higher levels are fairly gradual at my level, giving me opportunity to tap. This time it was so shocking and excruciating with no opportunity at all to tap and it just ended the roll time for me right then and there.

Should I work on my endurance for wrist locks? Avoid rolling with both of them (which is tough because we’re a small gym)? Accept that this is part of the game and just roll anticipating wrist locks come from anywhere?

I have to admit that as a result of both these painful experiences I’m feeling reluctant to continue to train and like I’m not super in love with the sport anymore. Silly, I know.

Anyway; sorry for the long rant. Advice appreciated with anyone who’s experienced this.

Edit: not sure if it’s relevant but in the 9 months I’ve trained nobody has ever done this submission on me before and our head instructor didn’t teach it in any of the gi classes I’ve attended. Our classes are combined for both newbies and advanced. So it wasn’t like the “move of the day” that they were trying or anything. Which I think added extra to my shock and surprise because the only reason I even knew what happened to me with this submission was due to Reddit threads/ bjj Instagram reels.

Hey there, I'm 42 and just started BJJ. I love it, but I have long hair and even though I tie it up it often partly falls out and some of it ends up being pulled out while grappling. I don't want to do tiny braids as this definitely would not suit me in day to day life. Any tips/ suggestions for how to limit the damage to my hair? Thanks in advance.

Hi!!
I was just curious to see how you guys balance life with BJJ as hobbyists. I’ve been training for 1 yr & 1/2 and I just cannot seem to be consistent lately. I’m in pre-nursing courses, I lift 3-4x a week, and I work 32/40 hour weeks. Plus I still have friend & a partner & family. Im always doing something & some weeks I can’t make bjj at all. I feel like I’m losing my skill & overall desire for it bc I just can’t keep consistent. I do NOT want to quit but how do you guys balance it with your lives? Have you had to take time off?
Just curious :)

During a roll, I heard a pop in my left knee—the same knee that was already recovering from a Muay Thai kick a couple of months ago. I took a week off from rolling, hoping it would settle down, but it still feels inflamed even on a normal day of walking; it starts to feel a little swollen, and I will be limping by the end of the day. So, I’m taking a month away from BJJ to give my knee the time it deserves to heal. It’s frustrating; sometimes I question myself if I should just push through.
I’d love to hear from anyone who’s dealt with a knee injury: how long did recovery take, and what helped you get back?
Thank you from a 5-month-old white belt.

All,

I appreciate everyone’s experience/recommendations in advance. My wife has recently began training in BJJ along with me, but one of the issues we’ve run into is that she struggles to find gi pants that she feels comfortable training in.

In short, she has a big butt. As of right now, she only likes the way an old Gameness air (first gen) pants feels and feels everything else is too restrictive to her movement. I’ve tried the modern Gameness Air, pants in A2H, A3H, women’s sizes, etc. to no avail.

Most gis we’ve come across are designed for more athletic fits and due to her height (approximately 5’4”) and bottom heavy build, we are trying to find pants that have stretch around the thighs/butt so not only will she feel more comfortable on the mats but we won’t have to skip training days while doing an endless supply of laundry.

Thanks in advance!

Insta and YouTube are full of matches between younger women, but that doesn’t give me a good idea of what I’m (49yo white belt) working towards. What should I be searching for? What are the regional and national competitions called?

So I weight quite a bit im approx 200-215 pounds. Ive been strength and conditioning for a bit now. Im a 6month white belt during class today we worked in triangle chokes. My partner is a 6 year white belt who told me that I put too much weight/pressure on him. When I asked the instructor what to do he said nothing you executed the move correctly. The guy said I was making him hold all of hus weight with his neck. I dont know what I can do to not do that or even like if that’s what im supposed to do. I have been taught to bridge my hips higher because I am so short ajd have short limbs.