u/yahoodeeya

I’m a white belt and I’m super curious about competing. I’m 40 and about 135lbs.

When does one start competing? Can you compete as a white belt? How does it work if there isn’t anyone your age, weight, and belt? I know other women in their 40s who do BJJ but they are all higher belts.

Also how does it work with weight? I will never do a cut. I get hangry easily and have to parent lots of kids so wouldn’t work for me. Also I am naturally skinny and I had to fight for every ounce of muscle I have and refuse to risk losing it for a hobby. But obviously as a woman my weight does fluctuate a bit. So if you don’t want to make yourself crazy or cut, do you just go and see how much you weigh that day and hope there will be someone for you to compete against?

I’m new and I’ve discovered I have an unusually strong closed guard. I am good at finding my way into it and also good at holding it. (Was a professional ballet dancer so maybe thats why?)

I feel like I am seeing the opportunities to get into closed guard, and I can hold it and defend, but then I sort of blank on where to go.

What are some skills or strategies I can work on from there that would take advantage of this particular strength?

I’m new to BJJ (but I have a serious professional athletic background). I like the format of an open mat because I learn a lot by rolling with different people and having the space to focus on whatever skill I choose. Also helps me to learn the general flow of the thing which is hard when you’re just drilling one particular move in class.

I think I’m a good partner too. I am coordinated, careful, communicative, not crazy, zero ego. Occasionally I even make hilarious jokes 😂

There is one open mat I go to with some other women I met who are higher belts. Earlier this week I tried a new open mat and two guys rejected me when I asked to roll and nobody else was asking me or even making eye contact so I ended up just leaving. Most of the guys were also white belts/new but there were a few with stripes or blue belts. I am nice but I’m not the most outgoing when I’m in a room full of men and doing something I am new at. This is the second time I tried a new one. The other one was also a little awkward but I knew one of the coaches pretty well and he rolled with me at the get go, which seemed to sort of break the seal or something. This most recent one was mega awkward. (Cringing so hard at the rejections lol.)

So is there a trick to this? Or should I stick with my girls and wait to try other open mats until I’m more experienced and confident?

This is going to sound so messy, but please believe me when I say my husband is not abusive. Also please be gentle.

We started going to BJJ recently together. Our marriage isn’t doing well (likely ending). But we have young kids, we are overall very nice to each other, never had any issues with fighting or anything like that. So we are still very much coparenting and doing it pretty well and decided we can still train together sometimes at least. Well we went to BJJ together yesterday and he hurt my arm and almost broke it. He’s much bigger than me and strong and has a lot of trouble scaling back his power. I know this is a common problem with white belts but my husband’s issues are much more pronounced and I know this because I train with a bunch of men who are similarly aged, sized, and all white belts. He does explosive movements out of nowhere and he is super powerful (weighs only 180 but he can bench 350). I had my arms tight in front of my chest and he was supposed to grab one with both hands and pin it to the floor. I was giving a bit of resistance just to make it realistic and he randomly exploded, tearing my arm away from my chest. It was SO FAST that I couldn’t even process fast enough to let my arm go loose. That split second of resistance with him yanking very nearly broke my arm. Ihave really quick reaction times but this was so quick. I immediately started crying and got up and left the room. He was so apologetic and felt terrible. I’m obviously not going to train with him anymore but what tha fuck. I’m having a lot of trouble processing this. I know rationally he did not mean to hurt me but my body is reacting like he did. I literally cannot look at him without wanting to cry. I’m embarrassed to go back to the gym. And on top of that my elbow fucking hurts and I’m probably going to need to take a break from training anyway until this heals.

Maybe this is not exactly BJJ related but I’m new to the sport and have never done such a high contact sport so I’m genuinely looking to hear from people who have been through it and kept training.

I am having issues in my marriage and probably getting divorced. This just was decided last night so I haven’t trained yet. I love BJJ and I feel like training is generally very therapeutic. I haven’t found another physical activity that gets me out of my head like this. On the other hand, I don’t want to start crying while rolling lol. I generally have a very good poker face/good at staying professional and this is far from my first grief rodeo. But I still feel a little nervous.

I’ve been wearing cheap Amazon CRZ leggings. they’ve held up decently well but they’re starting to pill like crazy after just a few months. I’m training usually 3-6x per week depending on kid illnesses, work etc. So they are seeing a lot of action and I wonder if ones made for BJJ would be more functional. I searched and saw Gaidama recommended. They’re so cute but according to the size chart my waist is barely an XXS (22-24” depending on time of month) and my hips are an M (39-40”). I also have thick athletic thighs.

Anyone with similar proportions or a similar ratio tried them and can advise? Or if you have another brand you’d recommend?

I’d be curious to hear opinions from men and women. I’m trying to recruit some women friends to come to classes with me but I’m a 35 yo mom and the answer I’m mostly getting is that it sounds creepy or that they’re so touched out they just don’t want to add any more touching into their day or that they’re afraid of getting hurt. All totally reasonable. I don’t mind rolling with men but I am curious if there are any generalizable differences when rolling with women? I am also trying to find a way to make it to a women’s only class but it’s super far and can’t find childcare at the moment.

I’m new to BJJ. My studio has their own rash guard we are required to wear for no gi. It’s blue and yellow. I’ve been wearing squat proof leggings on bottom. Is it ok to keep wearing those? Should I only wear leggings of a matching color?

Also, I’m pretty small and the women’s rash guard they gave me is loose but the one they gave me for my 7 year old fits well. It’s supposed to be tight right? Should I just ask for another kid one for me? (They said fine to change a size before we wear.)

I’m having a tough time. I have 3 under 6 and work as an attorney for the government. One of my kids is medically complex and neurodivergent. (Probably they’re all ND but the oldest is the only one where it’s causing major issues at school.) I have bad ADHD, don’t get enough sleep, and my marriage feels like it’s about to collapse. I love my husband and admire him a lot and we have really good chemistry, but he’s so unhelpful. Part of it is due to his own audhd. Part is an old TBI. I am the only breadwinner, primary parent for emotional support, and I carry the entire mental burden. Part is childhood trauma deeply learned patterns of letting women do stuff for him. He is just constantly putting himself and his own needs first and I am left picking up the slack.

I have been sick with nonstop viruses from the kids for 2 weeks and every day lately feels like such a slog. My focus is HORRIBLE. Genuinely worried I could get fired.

Tell me it will get better 🥹

I just started and love it. I’ve been going with my husband but will probably do some classes alone.
Everyone at the studio is super nice including the teacher. It’s all men but I’m doing it mostly for getting better at self defense so I’m happy to be with men.

My question is whether this is normal: I noticed the teacher never touches me. He has gone through classes where there are only a couple of us and he pulls everyone to do an example at some point but not me. My husband is experienced, so it makes sense to grab him to demo over me, but yesterday there was a guy who was just doing a trial class and even he got asked to do an example. He was even going around touching everyone’s bicep yesterday to show the spot to grab for something or other and he skipped me. He is SUPER nice and not at all creepy and I’m not offended in any way but I’m curious if this is normal? I checked with a few friends and I do not have body odor or halitosis or any other kind of glaring reason why someone would avoid being in my proximity 😂 I am a small woman but pretty muscular and I don’t think I give fragile vibes. Anyway he has seen my husband give me a LOT of resistance and seen that I do ok with that (at one point he told my husband to stop because he was worried he was going to hurt me but my husband had just innocently missed that one of my arms was bent at a funny angle so it didn’t seem odd). My husband is a big guy and a former special operator with the US military so on paper maybe he’s scary but in person he’s super sweet and goofy. We are in the Southern US in case relevant.

I have almost always had enough time to get to the floor. And I don’t actually faint often at all (maybe once every 15 years). So usually when I get to the floor it passes. The other day my friend was trying to help me get to lying down flat with my feet up. I was squatting on the ground resting my head on a bench in front of me that was maybe chest height. I had to go through a sitting straight up position to get my legs out from under me and onto my back, and I just blacked out as soon as my head came up. Probably 99% of the time I faint or almost faint, it’s when I stand up from lying down or sitting. But this is the second incident where it was a non standing position change. The other time I was coming up from my stomach into an all fours position. I can’t really figure out why those two incidents occurred or what I did wrong. Both times I had a friend there who caught me and prevented me from hitting my head. The only thing that the incidents share in common is that my friends were trying to help me move. I am a very petite woman and they’re both big dudes, so the only thing I could figure is maybe they were moving me faster than I was ready to go? I know I am perseverating a bit on this due to the fear and lack of control, but I figured it can’t hurt to ask here in case anyone has had similar experiences or had advice. I’m really trying to be as proactive as possible in managing this so I don’t get hurt or scare my kids. (I have tiny kids who depend on me and no family help.)

I’m going to get another tattoo. I have one on my scalp that a good friend designed that contains a piece of art that my mom made right before she died when I was a kid. I want the next one to be equally meaningful. I was raised by atheists and until I had my first child I thought I was one too. But in the moment my first baby was born realized that I do believe in Gd. And every baby I’ve had since then has only strengthened this belief. We’ve joined a synagogue and started observing Shabbat and all the major holidays. Our kids are going to a Hebrew immersion modern orthodox school and we plan to spend summers in Israel as soon as they’re all old enough to not make us insane on the plane haha. Anyway, I know this tattoo will be about my journey with my Jewishness.

I would love to find a Jewish artist that will help me conceptualize the tattoo and design it for me. I love the process of the guy called Hebrew tattoos on Instagram but I just don’t love his style aesthetically on my body. His designs have a lot of thick lines and are somewhat bulky. I’m a petite woman so I want something a bit more delicate maybe with intricate line work.

Any ideas of who does this?

Just started yesterday and I’m obsessed. Is there any kind of advice about how to ramp up frequency at the beginning? My husband is a former special operator and super experienced in BJJ so he came with me the first time. It was a very good workout when rolling with my husband (he’s much bigger and stronger than me and he was actually giving me realistic resistance), but with everyone else it felt pretty light and I have zero soreness today. My husband isn’t going to come with me going forward, so I assume it will take time to ramp up the resistance with other partners. I am in very good shape but this is obviously a new thing so I assume like anything it will take time for the body to get acclimated.

Would starting 3x per week right out the gates be insane?

I’m a massage client (and also Pilates teacher and former professional dancer and general bodywork nerd). I have looked at the research but I am looking to hear about peoples’ real life experiences with this.

I have a history of trauma and both cPTSD and regular PTSD (lots of things but childhood loss or sibling and parents, raising myself, and then a violent SA). I’m 39 yo and all of this was over a decade ago (the childhood stuff obviously even earlier) and I no longer have these or any other diagnoses. I’ve done tons of therapies of all different modalities and I’m generally in a great place. I get a massage maybe every month or two just to help with recovery (super active and hypermobile).

I recently found a new therapist who is not only incredibly skilled but also seems to have activated something in my nervous system. Like my brain announced SAFE PERSON the first time I met him, and it feels like it opened up some kind of reservoir of sensation. Not in a gross way just like music sounds more vivid, I feel more present with my kids, I’m less stressed about work. I am even having more vivid dreams. It’s like something in my brain was unlocked. It sounds so odd but it’s literally the only thing that has changed recently was meeting him and starting to see him weekly.

Has anyone had this experience? Does anyone know of any studies that address this? It’s lovely and I’m so curious to understand it better.

I’m a massage client (and also Pilates teacher and former professional dancer and general bodywork nerd). I have looked at the research but I am looking to hear about peoples’ real life experiences with this.

I have a history of trauma and both cPTSD and regular PTSD (lots of things but childhood loss or sibling and parents, raising myself, and then a violent SA). I’m 39 yo and all of this was over a decade ago (the childhood stuff obviously even earlier) and I no longer have these or any other diagnoses. I’ve done tons of therapies of all different modalities and I’m generally in a great place. I get a massage maybe every month or two just to help with recovery (super active and hypermobile).

I recently found a new therapist who is not only incredibly skilled but also seems to have activated something in my nervous system. Like my brain announced SAFE PERSON the first time I met him, and it feels like it opened up some kind of reservoir of sensation. Not in a gross way just like music sounds more vivid, I feel more present with my kids, I’m less stressed about work. I am even having more vivid dreams. It’s like something in my brain was unlocked. It sounds so odd but it’s literally the only thing that has changed recently was meeting him and starting to see him weekly.

Has anyone had this experience? Does anyone know of any studies that address this? It’s lovely and I’m so curious to understand it better.

I’m hypermobile but I’ve only ever had one dislocation and I’ve done lots of sports in my life (soccer, ballets weightlifting, silks). Going to first class Wednesday. Anything special to do or be aware of given the hypermobility?

I basically never actually fully faint (have 2x in life). But I grey out every time I stand and lately been having some near fainting episodes where I get reaaaal close. Primary triggers are heat and lack of sleep, but with 3 kids under 6 and living in central TX, there is only so much I can control with those two factors. Today I greyed and couldn’t hear when a security guard was asking if I was OK. He was already about to call EMS when I roused enough to explain, but it made me realize if I had a bracelet that just said something like “faint risk” and “lay flat,” that might be really helpful actually. I often freeze when I grey out in public. I know I should take myself to the floor but especially when I know people are watching me I just freeze up and kind of stand there or lean on a wall or something. Would this be helpful? Are there any where people wouldn’t be able to see it unless they’re looking? I’m hyper independent and private so I do not like the idea of random strangers being able to read it in public.

I’m super beginner but have a serious dance and athletic background (ballet, silks, weightlifting). So I’m tiny but abnormally strong and flexible and don’t mind training with men. (If that’s even a thing? Do they separate men and women?)

Where can I go to learn in north or central Austin? Wouldn’t mind driving up to round rock or cedar park but don’t want to hike to south austin. I have a lot of little kids so somewhat sensitive to schedule (can’t do bedtime classes).

Please do not make this weird.

I’m a 39yo woman and have historically had a healthy libido (unless I’m pregnant). I’ve been on zep for 20 weeks or so. Take a very small dose for inflammation (lipedema). My libido has slowly gone up over this time. Simultaneously, it has become easier and easier for me to reach orgasm. It’s gotten to the point where I sometimes have them when doing totally non sexual activities (eg core exercises or HORRIFYINGLY getting a massage). I am trying to figure out if this is just due to zep or something else. At first I thought this was cute and fun but it’s becoming distracting.

Has anyone else had this? Did it go away or calm down?

After many years searching, I found an amazing chiropractor. He has a lot of additional training in soft tissue work. I have some connective tissue disorders but am also super athletic (former professional dancer and current doer of all the things), so I just feel like it’s a super helpful part of my routine now. Do y’all have patients who just come weekly for…years? I asked him but I think I phrased it wrong because he just told me when my insurance runs out (I’ll pay him out of pocket happily when that happens).