u/Dapper-Record9961

I have an ASD 5yo who needs constant supervision and seems to hate me most of the time, and a velcro 2yo whos sleep habits are changing rapidly. 5yo is in a special preschool full time but 2yo is home all of July… daycare vacations and we arent able to pay for alternative full time care. I have a stressful career that i used to enjoy but now am falling behind in because i am the default parent in every way. I despise every cell in my husbands body. Very simply put he stresses me out constantly and is a burden and i cant remember the last time i have had a positive thought or emotion about him. My car AC is broken and its hot AF. My elderly parents just moved near us to be in the kids lives and literally do not listen to me at all and just do their own thing and complain and arent helpful. This entire month i have to watch the 2yo and work from home full time. My husband cant help because of his job. And he cant help at night because he does uber. How fucking convenient. I live in a condo and we have a cute patio out back that the kids hate, and a large unfenced front yard that they also hate. They just want to run across the street to the field. So theres no option of letting them outside and relaxing or even taking them both outside by myself, because they run in opposite directions because ASD and 2yo boy.
Today was literally day 1 of a month of having my boy home and working. He woke up at 6am, the only break i got from him was my husband took him along when he dropped off 5yo at school. I literally just worked and tried to play w him and he climbed all over me poking touching pulling pinching scratching which is adorable but im trying to do extremely complicated stuff and i was about to snap for hours. Im going to try to get a mothers helper for the rest of the month but that wont change everything, mostly how fucking angry i am. I didnt sign up for this. Why cant my husband take time off? For some special reason, he cant. And despite working so hard he still needs to uber at night because of his student loans. And dont get me wrong hes NOT ubering every night… because if there is ever any opportunity to socialize hes all in. Buying burgers and dogs and charcoal and beer. Going out to a beach or restaurant or brewery etc. but the days/nights theres not a fun event, hes ubering, and im taking care of the kids and the house and logging back in to work and remembering all the things. Noticing and cleaning all the things.

I dont even know why im posting this. Any comments will just be like “girl leave him” yeah sure… with my $200 in my checking account? Okay. Im just so incredibly disappointed and defeated. Whenever i stop to actually breathe and think after i sort through everything i always remember, i will never experience love or peace or rest ever again in my life. I cant say im never happy because i love my kiddos, but i know ill never have romantic love ever again, and because of my daughter ill never relax for even a moment. It just fucking sucks. And i try so hard to be positive and take care of myself blah blah blah but exercise and therapy can only do so much and its just simply not enough, its not the fix i need. I need fucking help and everyone around me is watching me drown while applauding me for doing it all.

My almost 2yo was an amazing sleeper since day one, then around 18mo probably bc of colds and sickness started waking up at night and needing to come be in my bed. Fine, whatever. My oldest never wanted to sleep in my bed so at first i thought it was so sweet to snuggle and comfort my baby. He was still at least GOING to bed fine, around 7, in his own bed. Then recently it has turned into no, he will not go to bed, PERIOD, and thinks my bed is his bed. He goes upstairs and runs to my room and says bed. He tucks himself in, looks at me, pats my pillow and says bed. This is all very cute and sweet but i need to log back into work in the evening to finish things up, eat adult food, and clean my house after they make messes all evening.
If i put him in his room he runs to the door and flings himself and screams. If i put him in his crib he will hurt himself trying to climb out (hes very tall). I hear him wailing “mama mama” and i literally just cant take it so i go open his door, rinse and repeat… help me!!!!!! Wtf do i do? Im trying just letting him hang out w me while i do my evening stuff but he is like velcro. I cant even do my contact lenses w this kid around. If i try to work her climbs on me and tries to type on the keyboard. If i try to clean hes right there beside me making a mess.

One of my greatest joys in life is seeing toxic/delulu people, who have never taken accountability for anything, hurt their own feelings.

My in laws are so toxic and did a number on my mental health during my first pregnancy and during kiddos early years… our lives were very entwined, luckily we have now created space but still deal w them from time to time. I needed SO MUCH THERAPY specifically to process and heal from all the shit they did. Luckily now i mostly just laugh off their nonsense.

My parents live one state over and are finally moving to where we live. Theyre not perfect but they care about my kids and want to be in their lives (whereas in laws live 20 min away and we see them VERY rarely. But of course they act like were so close 🤮). My parents will definitely drive me a little nuts but ultimately will be part of our village. They love to bring food and will actually CLEAN UP! Amazing.

So recently someone in the in law crew was at my house and asked when my parents would be visiting and i said oh actually theyre moving here in a few weeks. The look on her face was PRICELESS. Like it was shock and irritation behind a mask of cheerfulness. She asked WHY they were moving here, and i basically just pointed to my children.

Then i get a text from another in law in her typical love bombing completely disingenuous fashion, OBVIOUSLY hurt that she was “out of the loop” and didnt know this information, when she has not seen us since December (again… lives 20 min away, works 10 min from my house).

My parents are not perfect and it was definitely never on my bingo card that they would eventually be the closest and most caring/effort with my children (out of all the grandparents w my ib laws being a blended family so more people and living down the road) but here we are and i aint mad about it 😊

Hey so what’s everyone doing about ticks? They are already out in full force, obviously in the woods, but tonight sitting in a yard w no tall grass and at least 30 feet away from the woods, 3 of 6 adults found ticks on them—like on their arm, not just crawling up a leg. Wtf? So other than dousing yourself in DEET everyday, whats the move here?