I’m 24M and my wife is 28F. We started dating in 2024 after I moved to Canada, and I fell in love with her pretty quickly. She’s Australian (has multiple nationalities), and everything between us felt serious — we spent a lot of time together, and both of our families liked the relationship.
In 2025, I proposed and we got married. Before that, she had plans to do her Master’s in Nursing in Sydney. I asked her if she could stay so we wouldn’t have to do long distance, and she agreed at the time.
About two months after we got married, she told me she was going to Australia anyway and had already booked her flight. Her parents even suggested she stay with me, but she chose to go because the program there was cheaper. The plan became long distance for about 2 years, with visits in between.
Since she left (about 3.5 months ago), I’ve been putting a lot of effort into staying connected. I update her on my day, send pictures of what I’m doing (gym, work, food, etc.), call her often, and even stay on video while she studies just to feel close (muted so I don’t distract her). I try to be consistent, caring, and present.
She’s different. When things are good, she can be normal, but when we argue she becomes avoidant and sometimes disappears instead of communicating.
Recently, we had a situation that really affected me. She went out at night with a female friend who likes partying and hookups. When she’s out with groups, she usually sends me pictures and updates. But this time, she went out with that friend alone and didn’t tell me where she was or send anything.
I asked her what she was doing, and she only replied hours later saying she was on her way home. I asked why she didn’t update me or send anything, and she responded: “You don’t do the same, so why should I?”
That honestly frustrated me because I feel like I do update her a lot. I reminded her that I regularly send pictures and let her know what I’m doing. She then said I don’t send pictures when I drink, which isn’t really accurate — I’ve only gone out drinking a couple of times, and I either told her or was on the phone with her.
The conversation turned into her saying she doesn’t feel the same transparency from me, which I genuinely don’t understand. I started feeling anxious and overthinking, and in that moment I reacted badly and called her a cheater. I regret saying that.
After I calmed down, I told her I don’t want to fight and that I’m just trying to get through this period until I can join her. I currently can’t leave Canada because of my immigration situation — she’s sponsoring me, and we’re waiting on paperwork. We’re both paying for the lawyer, even though she has more financial support and savings than I do.
I’ve been working different jobs over the past couple of years trying to support myself, take care of the relationship, and build something for us. At one point, we even agreed that I’d send her money monthly, which I did — but sometimes I question that decision given our financial situations.
Lately, communication has gotten worse. She hasn’t replied to me for 4 days, even though the lawyer recently contacted her to sign something important. My birthday is coming up in June, and now she won’t be visiting because she suddenly has a placement.
At this point, I feel emotionally drained. I love her, I think about her constantly, and I’m trying to be patient — but the lack of reassurance, communication, and consistency is really affecting my mental state.
I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if my expectations are reasonable. I just want peace, clarity, and to feel secure in my relationship again.
Any honest advice is appreciated.