u/Darnequa

I 34F have a BF 33M been together for 2 and half years. We did date back in high school and reconnected about 3 and half years ago. He went to jail for 3 years and we made it official while he was in jail. He was OK with me having an occasional hook up while he was in jail. I did with a few guys I knew but once he got out we'll before I started cutting them out of my life. When he got out everything seemed fine of course. He got a job, we were reconnecting physically, mentally and emotionally. But back in March my brother 44M passed away and he was there for me. But fast forward to a week and a half ago I was going through his phone ( I know I shouldn't but I did) and see the messages between him and his roommate and I noticed that my man let's call him Marcus mentioned he was at a hotel the week after my brother funeral. I kept reading and his roommate asked if he was there with his girl which would have been me. He said no he was there with Jamie and I thought it was Jaime so when I went to the messages between him and this Jamie I realized it was the woman who he said had a crush on him. So him and her went to the hotel and he didn't tell me we had this agreement that we're going to be exclusive until I know that he's in it for the long haul since he just got out and I am pansexual and I'm willing to open it up later on just not now and if we do I want it honest open communication that's all like I was giving him. He tried to hide it from me I found out and I just been spiraling ever since since he's in a program and she's also in the same program even though there's the men's side and women's side I don't trust that he stopped talking to her and I don't trust that he won't do it again. I just don't know how to move on from this or how to heal from this or what he needs to do to earn my trust back. Since I found out I feel like he's been more distant towards me and he doesn't call me text me or read my messages like he used to. He doesn't do the whole good morning good night thing anymore and I mentioned that and I'm not seeing the effort even though I mentioned it yesterday. I'm also noticing when I asking him can he get an overnight pass or a weekend pass he's forgetful to ask and by the time he asked it's too late he knew I would be off this weekend. And I asked him a week or two ago to get a weekend pass. I asked him Monday he didn't do it I asked him Tuesday cuz I picked him up from work and I was off of work and he didn't do it I brought it up last night and he said he will try to remember to do it today but I don't think he's going to do it and at this point if he doesn't I really don't think I really want to see him anyways during the weekend I just need some time to reevaluate and probably time to myself. Any conversation I try to have with him doesn't feel like he's really engaging or that he doesn't fully grasp how hurt I am. I am a little upset that they had sex but I'm more upset that he hid it for me and he didn't tell me like he agreed to do beforehand. All I wanted was open honesty and he could barely do that. I don't know if he will start being honest with me again or not hide things from me again I don't even know if he stopped talking to her like he said he would he still has her as a friend on Facebook and on Instagram and she doesn't post anything so I'm pretty sure they're probably communicating there and that's just my brain going off. I don't know how to go about this without being too emotional.