u/Dear-Cup3662

I'm a complainer, not a quitter. Important distinction 😂

This is probably a weird post.

I think I've spent enough time researching why motherhood is hard.

ADHD. Mental load. Decision fatigue. Burnout. Solo parenting. If there's a Reddit thread about it, I've probably read it. (Get it? 😂)

Honestly, it helped. I needed to know I wasn't just lazy or a bad mom.

But I think I've reached the point where constantly relating to people who are struggling isn't helping me anymore. I've become an expert on why I'm overwhelmed without getting much better at... not being overwhelmed.

So now I want to hear from the moms who genuinely enjoy this stage of life.

Not because it's easy. I know it isn't.

I want to know what they're doing differently.

For context, I'm 33. My husband is 33, and we have two boys (37 months and 16 months).

I'm a researcher by nature. I was diagnosed with ADHD in February (medication has been life changing), I'm currently being evaluated for PMDD, and I just started therapy.

I'm a reactive parent. I get overwhelmed easily. I'm also painfully self-aware, which is becoming less of a strength and more of a hobby at this point. I can usually tell you exactly why I'm reacting the way I am. That doesn't necessarily mean I stop doing it.

My husband works Monday through Saturday, usually from about 7 a.m. until 11:30 p.m. He's an absolute workhorse. We're paying off debt, trying to save for retirement, and hoping to give our boys a better financial start than we had. This isn't a post about who has it harder. It's just our season of life.

Something I've been wondering lately...

How much of enjoying being a stay-at-home mom is nature vs. nurture?

My dad was deployed a lot when I was growing up. My mom stayed home, but she was overwhelmed, and I don't really remember seeing what a happy, fulfilled stay-at-home mom looked like. We weren't a super affectionate family, and honestly, I don't remember much of my childhood at all.

I don't say that to blame my parents. They did the best they could. I just wonder how much our upbringing shapes what motherhood feels like later.

I also never pictured myself staying home. I fully expected to go back to work because I've always been pretty independent. But after having kids and looking at our finances, I realized this is where I want and need to be. I'm incredibly grateful that my husband works as hard as he does so I can stay home with our boys.

I'm not looking for people to remind me to soak it all in or tell me it goes by fast. I already know that.

I want to enjoy these moments without counting down the minutes until naptime, bedtime, or when my husband gets home.

I need information. 😂

If you're someone who genuinely enjoys being a stay-at-home mom, I'd love to hear from you.

• Was staying home always your plan?
• How old are you, and how old are your kids?
• Rough household income? (Only if you're comfortable.)
• Does your spouse work long hours?
• Do you have family nearby?
• What was your childhood like?
• ADHD? Anxiety? Depression? Or are you generally pretty emotionally steady?
• What does a random Tuesday actually look like?
• How often do you leave the house?
• What do you do just for yourself?
• If you weren't always enjoying this stage, what changed?

I'm trying to figure out the common denominators.

Maybe it's personality. Maybe it's finances. Maybe it's routine. Maybe it's childhood. Maybe it's community.

I don't know.

I just feel like I've spent the last year studying why I'm struggling.

Now I want to study the people who aren't.