u/Deathmaker1336

I am someone.

I hate the fact that these two need their neutral air more than a fish needs water in order to survive.

This meme is a representation of a match I fought, where an Ike was just fishing for nair the whole time, so I joined in and did the same shit back.

Ike is the only Fire Emblem character I actually like because he's the closest I will ever get to the Black Knight, but goddamn is all this nair tomfoolery startin' to tilt me a bit.

I enjoy using Ganon because of the fear I put into my opponent, wondering if I'll get an opening to decimate them in a few hits. I can't have that fun if it's just nair, nair, nair, nair, nair, nair, & of course who could forget NAIR.

I hate playing like a bitch to deal with a bitch.

*Inside the Private Investigator's office*

PEACH YOU ABSOLUTE FRAUD.

How the fuck are you getting captured all the goddamn time?

Nah nah don’t give me all that “helpless little damsel in distress” hogwash, you royal pain in ass. How in the flying fuck is it that you are always getting captured by the same big dumb dragon turtle king who’s so slow & stupid that a chunky vertically-challenged plumber from Brooklyn can spend the better part of 40 goddamn years whoopin that scaly behind on the regular? Why have you willingly let yourself get nabbed on every single occasion by Bowser when this ENTIRE TIME you’ve been sittin’ on a whole arsenal of moves that would put the spiky fuckwad six feet under pushin’ up daisies?!

From the millisecond the announcer lets the word GO leave his prissy performative lips covered in dollar store chapstick, it’s every koopa for himself against you. Bowser goes from the lord of countless armies & fleets of airships, master of dark forbidden magic, and an absolute behemoth who can survive black holes to nothing but a sack of potatoes sent rolling across the floor. The Omega Sweatlord you turn into on the field of battle is goddamn terrifying. 

You float around like you’re Mary Poppins about to start a sing-a-long for two seconds before unleashing hell with those nasty air attacks. Or if I’m trying to get back on the ledge, that same float will guarantee that I’m not makin’ the trip past your edgeguarding. Shield pressure’s a bitch & a half, but you always get to just glide away if you fuck it up. You’re no DLC, but jeezums-steevums your optimal strategies sure as hell hurt like ‘em. I’m beginning to understand why 97% of all water on earth is too salty to drink.

Where else is all the sweaty-ass gameplay from Peach supposed to go?

For fuck’s sake, it was bad enough back when we were all kids sat there at the dinner table poking our broccoli with a fork like it was a science experiment while our parents would remind us for the 15th time that if we don’t finish our veggies then we don’t get dessert. Now I’ve got resurfacing PTSD from the turnips you yank out of Mother Earth to dome me across the skull with, ya sparkly fuck.

Who, what, when, where, and why don’t seem to matter at all. The only thing everyone remembers when fighting you is the moment they fucked up before your touch of death sends them packing on a one way trip to the blast zone.

With all those aerials, all that sweat, and a whole cornucopia of turnips to feed a village, what exactly are you doing acting all helpless when Bowser comes back to take you on another trip to his castle? You clearly have the capability to wipe the floor with him, but you don’t.

. . . I’m beginning to think you like getting caught.

See, Mr. Mario here seems to be nothing more than the clean-up guy, isn’t he? The stable dude with a decent paying job who’s always there to save you, but for some reason you keep him in the Friend Zone. It’s a game of hot potato with how much you flip-flop between him being a love interest and nothing more than a coworker

But once we turn our attention over to big scary Bowser, now all of a sudden you’ve got the script down-pat, being so quick to call for help from Mario despite how easily you could start kickin’ names & takin’ ass in the blink of an eye. Mario has to sacrifice life & limb travelling all over the place to find & rescue you. But you yourself make no meaningful effort to escape Bowser’s clutches.

In any other context, you’ve got everyone fooled into thinking that there isn’t much goin’ on in that royal skull of yours. But in Smash, all of a sudden those delicate hands are rated E for Everyone, buy one get one free.

I’m on to you, princess. Something’s not right here, and I will get to the bottom of this, even if it kills me.

No seriously, what the hell is going on during the home stretch portion of the final level in World of Light? By all means it’s a cool effect to see parts of Galeem & Dharkon appear far bigger in the background, but it’s genuinely making me wonder who we’re really dealing with here.

Big enough to look the way they do in Shots A, B, and C, but once they're close up like in Shot D they're not so high & mighty.

Do you prefer the idea that Galeem & Dharkon’s true forms could be astronomically bigger than we thought, or do you prefer them being only marginally bigger?

I giggled more than I should've when I first cooked this up.

Now it's your problem.

Yesterday, we had someone make a post that claimed Smash players don’t even understand their own game, and it went over several grievances that’re consistently expressed here. In essence, it was just one big “git gud” & “skill issue” rant, calling the entirety of our capabilities into question.

This pissed me the fuck off, so we’re gonna go over each part of what they said & look at them from a very different perspective.

- - - - -

First off is the title of the post: “I hate the attitudes of Smash players towards other games, while not understanding their own series.”

. . . who the fuck here in SMASHRage is concerned about any other fighting game other than Smash? We come here to talk about whatever we want in Smash, and yet this person seems to unironically think other fighting games live rent free in our heads for some reason? That kind of post would make more sense in one of the other Smash Bros subreddits, but they decided to post it in the rage subreddit.

Y’know.  .  .  . where people are free to rage about Smash, right? The irony is palpable, as not too long ago I literally made an entire pinned rant about how the purpose of SmashRage seems to fly straight over some people’s heads, and yet they will still wholeheartedly call us pathetic for using it as intended. It annoys me even more than the same liberty to rage I discussed about in SmashRage has now been turned around and used to call the entire Smash community pathetic.

"Oh, X character is broken, Y character is also broken." If every character is broken, then no one is. You people just say that your least favorite character is broken without knowing what makes a fighting game character broken in the first place.

“Broken” has been stretched into a broad term that encompasses ridiculously good moves in Smash that most of the cast don’t exactly have much in their toolkit to deal with. Smash was built on a clear set of rules, so having characters who can just say no to those same rules & sacrifice nothing for it are indeed seen as broken. OP later on in the post talks about how Steve should’ve been play-tested more, so they are contradicting themselves. Steve happens to be one of those same “broken” characters people hate, and yet according to their logic we don’t understand that or understand how our game works.

"I hate spammers, they don't know how to play the game." It's called a knowledge check. Why would I try harder when you consistently lose to the same button over and over again?

Knowledge check? Bro, spammers are LAME-ASS DOGSHIT SCUMBAGS, but somehow you’re defending them?! By all means the habits of spammers can be learned & dealt with, but we are not going to sit here and claim that Smash players don’t understand their own game if we express any semblance of frustration towards toxic bullshit. We don’t like dealing with spamming. NO ONE DOES. We shouldn’t have to deal with spamming in the first place, but somehow it’s our fault for expressing our frustration towards assholes who have no business playing Smash in the first place? Fuck off.

"I hate projectiles and campers." They're called zoners for a reason. You want to be at a distance or else you'll get KO'd.

WE’VE BEEN HIT UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH EVERY PROJECTILE KNOWN TO MANKIND, and yet to them Smash players DON'T understand their own series?! We know how projectiles work, and we know the shitty habits of people who abuse their character’s ability to turn Smash Bros into a game of tag. People who camp destroy any semblance of fun in this game so they can get their pitiful little dopamine spike. They don't engage, they don't fight, but simply waste everyone's time. Just because we don’t like it doesn’t mean we don’t know how to deal with it, and moreso, there are CLEARLY several characters on the roster who can’t exactly do much against this. Why is it when people come here to call Smash players unskilled, the behavior of the rager is always put into question but never the behavior of the spammy or campy asshole?

"Heavy character are cheap and OP" If you have trouble hitting the characters with the largest hurtboxes in the game, thats a player problem, not a character problem.

I am someone who will glaze heavies any day of the week, but even I understand that SmashRage’s doors are just as open to people who hate heavies as much as I enjoy them. There has NEVER been any official metric that dictates whether or not people’s rage is valid, and yet we always seem to get snot-nosed losers who believe they are the arbiters of skills constantly trying to make one anyway. If people hate heavies, that is their right.

"The DLC characters are just pay to win." No, they're additional characters to the roster. Smash is not a gacha game. (Though I do think Steve definitely needed to be play tested more.)

How the fuck do you manage to so beautifully contradict yourself in the same goddamn sentence?! DLC apparently “aren’t” pay to win, but how many of them are top tiers? Tell me again which purchasable character broke the meta of Ultimate with their BROKEN moves? How many beloved characters were nerfed into the fucking dirt just for the PAY-TO-WIN squad to turn around and be given that same power which was taken from others in the first place? People paid money, they got a busted character who basically plays the game for them, but somehow we as a community don’t understand that?

And I hate, hate, HATE the elitism of the Smash community when it comes to other fighting games. "Platform fighters are great, all other fighters are garbage." Just because you can't imagine playing a game with more than two buttons doesn't mean fighting games are inherently bad. Do I expect a newcomer to be doing full circle inputs or raging demons? No, but the most fundamental inputs are already in Smash.

. . . no one here gives a fuck about other fighting games. This snobby elitism reeks of the SmashBrosUltimate sub or SmashBros sub, not us. SmashRage’s burning vitriol is only concerned with one game, and it’s not one of the games you came to defend the honor of for some reason.

"Motion inputs in fighting games are hard. That's why I don't play characters like Ryu/Ken/Terry/Kazuya." They're really not. You just have to take the time to learn them.
Do I expect everyone to play traditional fighters? No, but don't judge other games when you don't fully understand the game you're comparing others to.

WHO’S DOING THE JUDGING HERE?! At this point I am fully convinced OP's entire post was made after they saw such sentiments in other subreddits, but they knew that SmashRage is one of the few places where they could try to call the Smash community out without getting immediately clowned on, so they came here looking for sanctuary.

Come on community, do better.

And if you think Smash is bad and broken, stay away from Guilty Gear.

“Do better”. Wow. Amazing.

This is why people seem to hate other fighting games if all they can expect is the same exact mirror of snobby elitism that proclaims of the glory of other fighting games at the expense of Smash. Instead of trying to encourage anyone to give those games a shot, all they can do is call Smash & its community pathetic, but we're apparently the ONLY ones with an ego problem? How the fuck are you gonna sit there & essentially call all of us scrubs and then wonder why no one wants to touch other fighting games with a 10 foot pole?

Despite all of the things I've said in this entire "counter-rant", it worries me how that post has managed to get over 240 upvotes, which means over 240 people here feel the same way.

I am tired of the people who complain about rage in the rage subreddit and only strive to call us pathetic at every turn, invalidate any grievances we have with Smash, and only see it all as one big skill issue. They act like they're forced to stay here and listen to us when the door is sitting there unlocked & wide open.

For fuck's sake, should we all just go for broke and only play Steve, Sonic, & Snake? Would that make some of them feel better instead of us having the nerve to express our rage?

Posts like that discourage people from posting on SmashRage, and they sure as hell discourage people from wanting anything to do with the FGC. We come here to vent, not to get called stupid.

The number of people who fail to understand what this sub is meant for completely astounds me.

This is not a place where people come to be reasonable, or whatever metric of “sensibility” you’ve come up with in your head that you think everyone should abide by.

This is not a place where people have to explain their wrath or justify the cause of their explosive anger.

This is not a place where your favorite character will be spared in the slightest.

SmashRage is supposed to be a place where, regardless of your skill level or personal beliefs, you can freely air out whatever grievance you have with Smash; justified or not. We come here to vent.

By no means is it perfect, but spend enough time here to look past the surface, and you will see laughter. You'll see a lot of people connecting over shared issues and relatable frustrations. You'll see plenty of people making light of ridiculous bullshit in the game. You'll see them taking some time to actually give genuine encouragement to each other & advice when requested instead of only telling people to “get better”. . .

. . . and you'll witness the unbridled chaos of a few people ascending to cartoonish levels of comedic buffoonery whilst raging against whomever or whatever is the subject of their endless wrath (me).

It's a great time losing our minds over a game most of us love despite how much it drives people insane.

Here in this sub, it is our goddamn right to be as pissed as we want to our heart's content. You do not get to decide how much people hate your character, why they hate your character, or if their skill level justifies the rage. If you're hearing the same shit over & over about your main, welcome to the club. That's what every other character faces here, and your suffering will be no different. Your favorite character will not be absolved of the hatred, and neither will mine.

Let's flip this around & take my favorite character for example: Ganondorf.

Do I get to decide how much people hate the worst character in the game? No the fuck I don't. It doesn't matter how much it happens, how long it goes on for, or if it's the same grievances. It is everyone's right here to hate that dummy thiccc warlock as much as they want. Who the fuck am I to say whether or not someone's hate towards him is justified; to completely invalidate their personal experiences & conclusions for the sake of a fragile ego?

FUCK NO.

SmashRage serves a unique purpose that no other Smash subreddit could ever achieve. Many people seem blind to the fact that all the rage & hatred that goes on here would be flooding those same Smash subreddits if SmashRage didn't exist, and yet people will still unironically look at this place and get annoyed that we use it as intended.

We have the special liberty of freely speaking our minds about Smash within the rules & guidelines provided by SmashRage. The conversations don't get more raw than this. The salt doesn't get any saltier. The community we have here doesn't get any better if you go anywhere else.

If you don't like it here, give it some time. My first arrival here wasn't the smoothest landing, and yet this place grew on me.

I am proud to call SmashRage my home, and my goal is to spread the flames of my everlasting hatred until the horizon burns with the same malice as well.

Everyone rages in Smash, yet this is the only place that's honest about it. We don't sweep it under the rug of "skill issue". We don't hide it behind GSP. We don't mask it with an impenetrable ego.

We embrace what many see as a weakness, and it has become our greatest strength.

Glazing heavies is my full-time job, and today we're here to clock in.

now.

. . . . .

Usually when I make these Discussion posts, I try to stay out of it & not give my own opinion on the topic at hand.

Not this time.

You are a cheater if you use this mod.

If you don't think it's cheating, prove it.

Isabelle mains are all the same.

Here's the proof.

"Funy cat :3"

- Incineroar Main

Since all Pokémon have real life trading cards, I thought it would be funny to give each of the ones we can play in Smash their own version of a Smash Bros exclusive variant.

I fucked my sleep schedule over this, so shut up if I didn't get everything pinpoint accurate.

Also an extra fuck you to Shitlypuff; I hope you step in water with your socks still on.

In the spirit of the latest Direct entirely about the future Starfox game now finally on the horizon, I wanted to take a moment to compare these two bozos.

I hate fighting either of them, 'cuz I know damn well it's always the same "rinse 'n' repeat" routine with how they fight:

Lots of blaster fire, tons of multihit aerials, side special back onto the stage if they're not beneath it trying to recover, and every time you even think about shielding will end with you getting grabbed & thrown down into a blender of fairs, nairs, up tilts, and up airs.

So, with how fucking annoying it is to face either one, who do you think has the lamest fighting style?

Fox McCloud or Falco Lombardi?

Every time I land a smash attack with Ganon, my brain starts playing "Feels So Good" by Chuck M.

The millisecond my brain remembered this meme, the same song came up in a heartbeat.

So, I slapped 'em together, and now I bring this gift to you.

Enjoy.

Y’know, being a loyal heavy main for as long as I have, you get to witness a lot online.

When your opponent sees your absolute dumptruck on the other side of the stage, you either bring out the best in people, or you end up incurring the spite of the most disgustingly toxic sewer gremlin ever to fester in the vile depths of the deep.

Sometimes, having a thiccc-ass weight stat & some armor can go a long way, able to power through cheese and stop people’s bullshit dead in their tracks. If used well & time correctly, your opponent who thought they had you in the bag will suddenly start freaking out that you’re catching on to their patterns and will dutifully punish them for doing the same thing ad nauseam. They’ll start sweating, and it won’t be long before they get spammy to make up for the disadvantage they sowed with their own hands.

But on the other hand, and most times anyway, your industrial-grade fart wagon will leave you at the mercy of everyone’s crap.

If they have a spammy move, they will abuse it. If they have next to no endlag, you’ll feel it. If they’re a worthless bottom-feeder who spends the duration of a full-time shift practicing the same 2 combos & kill setups to then go online and fish for those the entire match, there’s only so much you can do against it.

If Bayonetta wants to do the same aerial zig-zag combo of death, then she just gets to do it unless you have the luck of TCNick3 & get out of the way in time to smack her upside the head. If Mario wants to jump around the stage doing a billion back-airs, neutral-airs, forward-airs, up-airs, and smash attacks, then you’re stuck there trying to get away after what feels like Sophist threw a Cursed Dice at you. If Ryu or Terry want to run to each side of Small Battlefield and catch you in their hitstun bullshit to perform the same damn combo they saw in a King of Skill clip once, that’s it for the entire match. If Isabelle feels like running away, planting the Gyroid trap, and doing fishing rod the entire match whilst acting like she’s nothing but a harmless uwu puppy gal that Vernias would befriend in a heartbeat, so be it.

So many other characters have shit like this, and people will unironically make you endure all of it from match to match. 

It’s the same bullshit every time. Smash Ultimate is no longer about fighting a person with a character; you’re fighting a flowchart that is actively trying to kill you. It can switch the mask, but the moves come out the same. Because of how easy it is to lose GSP, how no one has any sense of honor or dignity, and so many people have built their egos out of this game, no one is brave enough to try something new. If the character has risky moves, you’ll never see those moves come out until your last stock & they’re trying to style on you for a clip. And when they miss, they start panicking and become the spammiest bastard alive to ensure they don’t lose an ounce of GSP.

They don’t do different combos or mix up their playstyle. They just fly around like a gnat waiting until you fuck up to throw you into the same grinder of moves for an easy stock, ‘cuz they know your big booty ain’t goin’ nowhere to do anything about it.

There have been so many matches where I just stand there as my opponent waits for me to approach them so I can die from up-throw into 12 up-airs into up-special. Or, like a total goober, I’ll learn their pattern & annoyingly run around dodging their attempts to get me in the combo, jumping around just like they do to show them how fucking insufferable it is.

But with heavies, suddenly it’s like a breath of fresh air. 

Now you’re fighting someone who doesn’t need 50 aerials followed by an up special to kill you. They don’t need to do the same damn combo every time to take a stock. They aren’t going to make you run around the stage while they hurl every projectile they have to their name at you.

This is someone who’s in the same boat.

Forgive me, but I like my slugfests in Smash. Nothing is more fun than going up against a big guy who can put a dent in your skull from their f-smash just like you can. It is a hilarious match of silly antics where two meatheads throw themselves at each other to see which one goes flying into the blast-zone first. Heavy combos that would never see the light of day on any other character can now come to life against a fellow heavy brother. You don’t have to worry about getting spammed to death if you miss an attack; your opponent can do all the same damage in one move but in turn that move’s launch-power creates distance which gives you a small chance to get your bearings instead of being stuck in a cutscene of hits.

It’s funny how many people complain that if they make a single mistake against heavies that they die for it in 3 hits.

We feel the same exact way about you. If we can’t shake you off of us, it’s time to get put through the wringer of projectiles or a ton of aerials with no endlag that let us do absolutely nothing until we’re dead or at such a high kill percent that a sneeze could end our entire existence.

Any time a DLC character or high-tier sweat lord shows up, everyone knows they’re in for a rough time.

But if it’s a heavy, everyone knows that no matter the skill-level, they’ve got at least some form of a meaningful shot to win the fight.

I am proud to be a heavy main, a loyal servant to the will of evil, and a faithful hater of all that is overtuned & unwanted.

To those who main heavies, keep up the good work. You deserve more appreciation for what you do, and I hope this post makes up for that a bit.

This right here is from King of Skill's "Donkey Kong makes me TOXIC" video, where he has to deal with an annoying Bayonetta.

Fighting Bayo feels like person who said a joke in a crowd of people, but no one responded.

So they say it again. And again. And again. And again, until someone says "We heard you. It wasn't funny the first time, bro".