r/SmashRage

I still won though 🤑

yeah imma hop off… wouldn’t wish playing against wifi sora on my worst enemies🫩 won every sora game but holyyyy that character is just not fun to fight.. Before i hear, “atleast you played a ganon” their connection felt like i was watching the lego movie…

There's an Isabelle as well I tuned out after. With stage hazards. At this point I'm just straight up begging for a kazuya to show up or something. Good grief.

I hate the fact that these two need their neutral air more than a fish needs water in order to survive.

This meme is a representation of a match I fought, where an Ike was just fishing for nair the whole time, so I joined in and did the same shit back.

Ike is the only Fire Emblem character I actually like because he's the closest I will ever get to the Black Knight, but goddamn is all this nair tomfoolery startin' to tilt me a bit.

I enjoy using Ganon because of the fear I put into my opponent, wondering if I'll get an opening to decimate them in a few hits. I can't have that fun if it's just nair, nair, nair, nair, nair, nair, & of course who could forget NAIR.

I hate playing like a bitch to deal with a bitch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjUKnFBOZH8

The footstool was actually intentional btw, I learned you can do that a while ago, it's just this is the first time I actually managed to exploit it

Money match anyone that can't beat any of my 7 best characters in BO3 sets wins $20

Edit: Sephiroth, Joker, Bowser, Byleth, Donkey Kong, Gannon, Ridley ;)

*Inside the Private Investigator's office*

PEACH YOU ABSOLUTE FRAUD.

How the fuck are you getting captured all the goddamn time?

Nah nah don’t give me all that “helpless little damsel in distress” hogwash, you royal pain in ass. How in the flying fuck is it that you are always getting captured by the same big dumb dragon turtle king who’s so slow & stupid that a chunky vertically-challenged plumber from Brooklyn can spend the better part of 40 goddamn years whoopin that scaly behind on the regular? Why have you willingly let yourself get nabbed on every single occasion by Bowser when this ENTIRE TIME you’ve been sittin’ on a whole arsenal of moves that would put the spiky fuckwad six feet under pushin’ up daisies?!

From the millisecond the announcer lets the word GO leave his prissy performative lips covered in dollar store chapstick, it’s every koopa for himself against you. Bowser goes from the lord of countless armies & fleets of airships, master of dark forbidden magic, and an absolute behemoth who can survive black holes to nothing but a sack of potatoes sent rolling across the floor. The Omega Sweatlord you turn into on the field of battle is goddamn terrifying. 

You float around like you’re Mary Poppins about to start a sing-a-long for two seconds before unleashing hell with those nasty air attacks. Or if I’m trying to get back on the ledge, that same float will guarantee that I’m not makin’ the trip past your edgeguarding. Shield pressure’s a bitch & a half, but you always get to just glide away if you fuck it up. You’re no DLC, but jeezums-steevums your optimal strategies sure as hell hurt like ‘em. I’m beginning to understand why 97% of all water on earth is too salty to drink.

Where else is all the sweaty-ass gameplay from Peach supposed to go?

For fuck’s sake, it was bad enough back when we were all kids sat there at the dinner table poking our broccoli with a fork like it was a science experiment while our parents would remind us for the 15th time that if we don’t finish our veggies then we don’t get dessert. Now I’ve got resurfacing PTSD from the turnips you yank out of Mother Earth to dome me across the skull with, ya sparkly fuck.

Who, what, when, where, and why don’t seem to matter at all. The only thing everyone remembers when fighting you is the moment they fucked up before your touch of death sends them packing on a one way trip to the blast zone.

With all those aerials, all that sweat, and a whole cornucopia of turnips to feed a village, what exactly are you doing acting all helpless when Bowser comes back to take you on another trip to his castle? You clearly have the capability to wipe the floor with him, but you don’t.

. . . I’m beginning to think you like getting caught.

See, Mr. Mario here seems to be nothing more than the clean-up guy, isn’t he? The stable dude with a decent paying job who’s always there to save you, but for some reason you keep him in the Friend Zone. It’s a game of hot potato with how much you flip-flop between him being a love interest and nothing more than a coworker

But once we turn our attention over to big scary Bowser, now all of a sudden you’ve got the script down-pat, being so quick to call for help from Mario despite how easily you could start kickin’ names & takin’ ass in the blink of an eye. Mario has to sacrifice life & limb travelling all over the place to find & rescue you. But you yourself make no meaningful effort to escape Bowser’s clutches.

In any other context, you’ve got everyone fooled into thinking that there isn’t much goin’ on in that royal skull of yours. But in Smash, all of a sudden those delicate hands are rated E for Everyone, buy one get one free.

I’m on to you, princess. Something’s not right here, and I will get to the bottom of this, even if it kills me.

All at once bruh.

And then they also lose to most relevant characters...

What’s up mother fucka? Did you miss me? The Aegis defender is back!!! And back in full swing! Be prepared for more Aegis support!!!