u/Decent_Channel_3916

I’m still trying to process the sheer whiplash of how fast a toxic person can flip the switch. One day, things are great. We’re intimate, sharing goals, and I’m literally spending my day helping her look for a new place to rent. The very next day? A cold, out-of-the-blue breakup text. No conversation. Just completely discarded.

​Looking back, the level of blame-shifting was just wild. She recently wrecked the entire side of her car and somehow twisted the logic to blame me for it, claiming I "made her upset" lol.

​Then came the weirdest part. I accidentally butt-dialed her while I was at the dentist. She actually called me back asking if I had called her. I told her no, checked my log, saw the mistake, and apologized. I told her it was an accident, and she said she hoped I was okay. Because I'm a human being who actually cared, I sent a polite text back saying I think about her and pray she’s okay and healthy.

​But then her response went totally bizarre. She just kept repeating over and over how happy she was for me. I told her it was ironic because the butt-dial happened at the dentist—a place she used to always push me to go to—and I thought it was kind of funny. But she just kept doubling down on the robotic "I am happy for you" line. It felt so performative and strange, like a mind game to look completely detached and "above it all" while avoiding any real, vulnerable conversation. Why even call me back in the first place if you left me? It felt like she was just hoping I'd say something she could use.

​I’ve done a lot of self-reflecting. I know in my heart I did nothing wrong. I showed up. I was a good partner the kind you hope for. If you’re dealing with this kind of constant, minute by minute indecisiveness and emotional manipulation, you aren't crazy. It's about their pattern, not your worth.

I’m still trying to process the sheer whiplash of how fast a toxic person can flip the switch. One day, things are great. We’re intimate, sharing goals, and I’m literally spending my day helping her look for a new place to rent. The very next day? A cold, out-of-the-blue breakup text. No conversation. Just completely discarded.

​Looking back, the level of blame-shifting was just wild. She recently wrecked the entire side of her car and somehow twisted the logic to blame me for it, claiming I "made her upset" lol.

​Then came the weirdest part. I accidentally butt-dialed her while I was at the dentist. She actually called me back asking if I had called her. I told her no, checked my log, saw the mistake, and apologized. I told her it was an accident, and she said she hoped I was okay. Because I'm a human being who actually cared, I sent a polite text back saying I think about her and pray she’s okay and healthy.

​But then her response went totally bizarre. She just kept repeating over and over how happy she was for me. I told her it was ironic because the butt-dial happened at the dentist—a place she used to always push me to go to—and I thought it was kind of funny. But she just kept doubling down on the robotic "I am happy for you" line. It felt so performative and strange, like a mind game to look completely detached and "above it all" while avoiding any real, vulnerable conversation. Why even call me back in the first place if you left me? It felt like she was just hoping I'd say something she could use.

​I’ve done a lot of self-reflecting. I know in my heart I did nothing wrong. I showed up. I was a good partner—the kind you hope for. If you’re dealing with this kind of constant, minute-by-minute indecisiveness and emotional manipulation, you aren't crazy.

​I actually started putting together a platform to document and map out these exact toxic patterns so people can get some validation and exposure to what's happening to them. If you need a resource to help make sense of the chaos, I'm building it out at IdentifyTheAbuse.com. Don't let them rewrite your worth.

Because of my ADHD, I already struggle with memory and staying grounded. My ex used that as a weapon. Every time I’d get confused or lose focus, the gaslighting would start—it felt like an asthma attack where I was gasping for the truth but couldn't get a breath.

​Telling someone with ADHD to "just remember better" or "just move on" is like telling someone in an attack to "just breathe."

"I’m currently working as a Peer Support Specialist (even if the paperwork says otherwise), so I’m on the front lines of this every day. I’ve been spending my spare time building a resource to map these patterns..."

but I’ve been hyperfocusing on building a way out. I mapped the mechanics of how they weaponize our traits (like data mining our insecurities). I called it Safe Harbor Notes at identifytheabuse.com.

​I just wanted to share this for anyone else whose ADHD is being used against them. You aren't "forgetful," you're being hunted.