u/DeedIndeed

(45m) Being separated in the middle of a never ending divorce (been over a year and a half with no end in sight), I tried the dating apps for a good 8 months and met a couple great women (and ended both circumstances after 3 months each) and came to the conclusion that I’m just not interested anymore. Note: I ended the first potential relationship because I couldn’t foresee my biggest trigger post-divorce/devastation - the moment she said ‘I love you’ immediately shut me down as I didn’t believe her.

I had my kids for nearly 600 nights as primary before I gave 50/50 to my ex in the hopes of salvaging a relationship for my kids and their mother for their own 30-yr old selves (1 yr of reunification therapy for my kids and their mother). I thought I would go out more and want to be with somebody more once my kids were not with me for the week. Nope. I finally took a nap (while missing my kids dearly). And then a second one. Every day my kids aren’t with me, I finally rest. 16 years I haven’t rested.

I’ve come to realize my own conclusion: one cannot possibly satisfy somebody else’s future expectations in a relationship. Therefore, being alone is the greatest peace I can give to myself.

Peace. Love yourself. It’s ok to nap and not feel shame. My bitterness inside (to answer the title) is that my ex doesn’t deserve our kids after what she did to them and I miss them every moment they’re with her.

Also note: I’ve had a therapist for 6 years, so this comes from a therapeutic perspective, in case somebody’s first thought is therapy :).

(45m) Going through high-conflict divorce after 16 years (over year and a half) with primary custody of my teenage kids. Dating profile clearly states intentions - friendship / casual. I am clear in communication that I am absolutely not looking for long-term relationship. I date 2 hours from my home to not bring conflict into my kids’ circumstances.

In the last 6 months, I have met two incredible women. Any man would be lucky to have either in his life. However, they both said “I love you and want a life with you” after less than 5 times of meeting them in person. It is an immediate turn off. I’ve ended both of them rather swiftly after - they don’t want friendship.

I understand people are looking for partnership, and they deserve that. I don’t understand the rush when boundaries are clearly set.