u/DefiantAlbatros

First, I completely understand that this is a honeymoon period. But I Iam trying to how it is this far, and I am baffled:

• On my first day, during onboarding, the corporate service assigned me PTO. Apparently I can use it right away, I don’t have to wait for how many months after starting work to use it. During my postdoc, I was not assigned any PTO. Instead, I was told ‘You just need to ask if you need some time away’. I did not have any right to PTO, and the contract never stipulated it either. It was based on the benevolence of the PI.
• I was assigned a line manager and was introduced to how the organisation works. There is a line manager, and there are project leads. Below line manager, everyone takes turn to be a project leads. The project leads manage 2-3 people in a small projects, and typically any person is assigned to 4-5 different projects. So there is a lot of movement and it is very dynamic. During my postdoc, I was assigned to a ‘babysitter’ who was clearly not interested in working with me. In the end she either gave me a task that is impossible to achieve and later bitched about me to the PI, or she would ghost me. Nothing in between. When she ‘coached’ me, she would constantly reminded me how i don’t know anything.
• I was told to read some corporate protocols, the usual stuff. However, two documents caught my eyes: digital disconnection, and harassment. Apparently in this job, I am expected not to reply to any email outside of working hour. In my postdoc, my PI asked me to bring laptop even when I was on a holiday, and he reprimanded me for taking holiday during the university closure time because in his word: ‘we‘re not clerk, we researcher works 24/7’. In the harassment protocol document, there was a list of behaviours considered to be ‘psychological mobbing’. I experienced EVERY SINGLE ONE of them with my postdoc team.
• My new job pays me a median salary in the city. I can rent an apartment like an adult with the salary. Perks include free lunch for every day I am working from the office, some sport subscription, and annual bonus. My old job paid me a money that was barely enough to rent a room, and due to the stupid regulation, I had to pay additional 2000 EUR out of pocket for healthcare. Yet, I was told that I should be grateful for the pay since i was still in training.
• People treat me like I am actually a professional. My colleagues are genuinely interested in what i have done, and they constantly try to see if i can fit into adjacent projects. I have a phd, and I was treated as such. In my postdoc, I was constantly reminded that I was not even an independent researcher yet, because i was still in training. My PI insinuated multiple times that I was Stupid.
• The onboarding process keep on reminding me the importance of work life balance and whistleblowing if I experience anything negative at work. During my postdoc, I got gaslighted so badly by my ‘babysitter’ and PI that I started seeing therapist and seek psychiatrist help. Then my PI knew about it and told me that ‘everyone in your generation seems to have mental health problem’
• When I work in a project, there is a clear discussion about tasks and how to achieve them. Everyone’s young but eager to problem solve. During my postdoc, the PI and ’babysitter’ practically threw me one paper, and told me ‘make something out of it’. After I wrote a paper (I did 80% of the work), suddenly there are 4 authors and I was listed as 2nd. The babysitter who even ghosted me multiple times during our agreed upon scheduled call got 4th authorship and she did not even breath within the vicinity of the laptop that wrote the paper.
• Lastly the contract. My first contract is a permanent contract! Which means I can actually get a mortgage like an adult. With my postdoc it was a constant 2 years contract and there was no guarantee it would ever turn permanent. One of the senior team member is a 50 years old woman who is hyper productive (minus the fact that she has to produce thousands of technical papers that are not considered to be peer-reviewed) who has been kept as a postdoc for 10+ years and now untenured assistant professorship with biannual contract. She could not leave the job because she’s super rooted and there is no other employer there, and the PI definitely exploit that fact.

Sorry, just need to get this out of my chest.

I (35F) have been with my partner (39M) for over a decade. The majority of our relationship, we had been doing a long distance, with up to 8 hours difference at some point.

We agreed at the beginning that we must grow together. In the course of this relationship, I had finished three degrees, worked for a number of big tickets institutions, and built a small financial cushion (which is important for me since i am an orphan). He also started his terminal degree soon after we got together, but he has not finished. Instead he took a job which was a good decision CV-wise, was not a great idea for his financial situation. We also have this situation with his family, which more than once occasion almost broke our relationship. A mix of racism, and toxicity that caused some damage which I am still trying to fix until today.

I feel that the majority of the relationship, I had borne most of the weight. I knew that I have a more lucrative career possibility, so I tried to make better financial decision. However, due to my legal. and immigration status, I needed a lot of involvement from his side. I am talking about savings, buying a house, finding a job by using the marriage status, etc. He sabotaged me a couple of times thanks to his family (and he admitted that he was afraid of commitment, so he strung me along). We eventually got married, but he still refused to help me in many aspects. I asked him why he did not help me when asked, and his answer was unsatisfactory: he believed that i would prevail like always, so he did not feel like it was necessary to help me. In his opinion, I am such an effective problem solver that I am basically undestructible. As such, I do not need any help. Anyway, I survived, but I also feel extremely alone in the relationship. IT does not help that I have lived in like 10 countries in the past 10 years, so I do not have close friends nor close families to help me. I did start seeing therapist and received psychiatrics intervention, which did not help much.

We started living together last year. Pretty soon after he moved in, my contract was not renewed, so we became a couple of unemployed. The financial burden was borne by me, as I still have a pretty ok unemployment and savings. My saving was depleted very very quickly because now I have to adapt to his lifestyle which is not frugal like mine. We spent more time at home since I became unemployed, and I started feeling like I became his mom. He cooks, but he’s really bad in cleaning and I found myself have to redo most of the things since he never does anything to the completion. I brought this up to him, and he told me: 1) this is how his brain works, 2) he does not like me nagging, 3) if I don’t like it i can just leave him. I just told him that I don’t have the energy to be his manager, and he told me that I offended him. To top all of it off, in the past years he got so stressed over trying to finish his degree that he gained A LOT of weight. We got to the point where we stop having sex because the physique does not allow it anymore, and he has zero libido. So now I feel like I am a breadwinner, a mother who ensure the house does not explode, and I do not even get any sex.

I guess I am writing this because I am on the limit (also heatwave). I am starting a job next month in a new country, which require some action from his side (immigration-wise). As expected, I have to figure out the paperwork, find a house there, etc. He decided not to move in with me for some agreed-upon matter, but I feel like he‘s reluctant to pick up any weight. We had a sort call this morning and I broke down in tears, because I feel crushed down by the money situation, the relocation, the furnitures, and a dozen other stuff. He then told me that he would help me take care of the situation, but I know that in the end I will have to put a lot of input on it, which means extra mental load.

I guess I just need to unload this out there, and I would like to hear if there is any advice from older folks. And please don’t suggest a divorce because in our situation, divorce is much more headache as we will have to register it in like 4 different countries.

Since i believe in paying it forward, and having benefited from information i found here, I will share my experience in applying for CUE in Barcelona (specifically Cornella office)

A little bit context: I an non-EU with an EU spouse. We live in a 3rd EU country, and now we’re moving to Spain because I found a job. My husband, the EU citizen, is effectively unemployed.

Before the appointment

The very first step we did was to get a cita. It was not easy, but I read on reddit and facebook groups, that the appointments are released on Thursday and Friday 3pm. My husband must have inputted the information for 15 times before he was given a cita. The appointments itself was practically 1 week after the day we took it. We also found that our European digital ID (eIDas) works on the Spanish system somewhat, as a replacement for Cl@ve.

Preparing for the appointment.

After securing the cita, we checked the website of Barcelona International Welcome Desk, and we got an appointment with them. The information they provided is pretty much what you would find online, and we found that their advice is partially not accurate. I will outline it together with the list of document that we need to bring.

• EX-18 form. This is pretty straightforward and we used ChatGPT to guide us through the process. During the day we went to Welcome Desk, the staff just made sure that we entered everything correctly.
• Copy of passport/DNI.
• Tax 790 code 012 with the value of EUR12. We were warned that this process is a catch-22. In order to pay it with bank direct-debit, you need a spanish bank account which we don’t have since it would require a NIE. Maybe the idea is to use your friend/family/acquaintances bank account? I have no idea. The only possible way for us to do it is by paying in cash. The Welcome Desk helped us to fill the form and to print it out, then suggested that we go to BBVA near their office. Apparently not all bank is willing to do it, but they have received favorable reviews from those who went to BBVA. Unfortunately it was late, so we decided to pay it the next day. We eventually went to BBVA at Trav. de Dalt (Gracia) that is near to our home. It went very smooth. No extra charge, and we paid in cash to the cashier.
• Insurance. So, the information that the welcome desk gave us was that we need to have sin copay for 12 months. We googled it and it was very very expensive, and makes no sense since: a) we both have EHIC, b) when I will start working, my husband will get healthcare. I found someone on this sub saying that their EHIC is accepted, so i brought this information to the Welcome Desk who insisted that the information was wrong. Well, apparently EHIC was accepted as long as the applicant can show 7250EUR in their bank account.
• Financial subsistence. The welcome desk told us that we need to show 8000 EUR, in a bank account statement with all the shebangs (stamped, translated, apostiled, etc). Well, apparently the office asked for 7250EUR per person and they were very flexible. We have a Revolut joint account with roughly 8k EUR. We printed out the statement in Spanish, and no transaction history whatsoever (we had to move money around, since we have multiple bank accounts). Regardless of this, and the fact that the statement clearly saying 50:50 ownership between me and my husband, it was accepted.
• We also put some additional stuff: our marriage certificate, and my job contract. Just in case if they are worried about our subsistence.

The day of the appointment

We came about 30 minutes too early, but were allowed to wait inside. The traffic was very well-directed and there were multiple people checking on us. Around 15 minutes after our appointed time, a policewoman came and asked my husband whether he’s trying to get the green NIE. She then asked for our documents, and when we stood up to follow her, she told us to wait. Then we waited there for another 15 minutes before the policewoman came back, handing us the documents and the green NIE. There was no interview, no question, no nothing. That’s it, just a good ol green NIE on our hand, and we’re done. We’re so glad that we did not cough up almost 800EUR worth of health insurance that ended up not being asked.

So anyway, that’s our experience today, and let me know if you have any other questions.

So I am starting a new job in Barcelona soon, and I am in this pickle in which my right to work is derived from my EU-spouse but we’re unable to find a place to activate this right. I have a friend in Valencia, who owns a house. As of now I am asking for him to ’borrow’ empadronamiento just to activate this situation, and he said that he’s thinking about it. My question being: will this be a problem? I live in Italy where people live and work in different region, so registration does not really matter. I don’t know whether this is the same in Spain.

I lost my contract last year together with what I imagine another thousands of Italian postdocs, thanks to the reform in the contract + funding squeeze. To add insult into the injury, my previous postdoc was so bad that I am now left with anxiety problem (with professional intervention) and a boss who told me not only that he won't write me a reference but that i should leave the field.

I was unemployed for 6 months, and the job search was brutal. Postdoc vacancies these days ask for a proposal, and preparing one application can take me a week. Some have the audacity to ask for a 'competition fee' just to apply. I am not talking about some shady uni btw, the great Scuola Superiore Sant'Anna requested like 30 EUR for a participation fee on one of their postdoc call. After that, very often I found that there was already an internal candidate. I went through this twice with my own academic circle, and it was painful to know that senior scholars in my circle would give me empty hope like that. Other colleagues sent me job openings in their workplace, but i never heard back. Later I learned that for example, one of the application I sent received 600 applications for 1 opening. Even positions when I already spoken to the PI to have a short talk before did not give me any shortlist. LinkedIn? I got so many rejection that I have a smart filter on my mailbox to sort out all the 'we have decided to proceed with other candidates' and 'your application was not successful' and 'we regret' into a rejection folder because it was just too painful. I put a post on LinkedIn, but only 1 friend reached out. Everyone else either have nothing to offer, or are in precarious situation themselves. I know at least 2 untenured assistant professor who got their contract cut for whatever reason, and have to return to the postdoc market. Everyone's sending out email with lines 'Please do let me know if you hear any opening', and many simply gave up and returned to their home country outside of EU. A friend was in econ job market and got 2 fly outs. He has a really good job market paper, yet no offer. I have seen so many good scholars who do not get position simply because their network is not strong enough, or that they are not the first choice.

What was worse, was the local job center. As a part of the unemployment money I took, I have to be an active jobseeker. I was assigned to a case-worker who went through my CV and helped me to figure out job application in a country where I am a foreigner without native level language skill. Her first comment was that 'how come someone who is 35 years old has zero experience'. Mind you, I have plenty of experience. Aside from my PhD, I had experience in consultancy, teaching, and research works (development banks, central banks, research institutes). But since all of them are outside of EU or coincide with my PhD, she just lump everything as 'internship'. Worse, I found that they labeled my 2 years postdoc as an 'internship'. So on the registry of Italian state, I have never worked. A total waste of oxygen. She suggested that I apply for positions with job title 'back office' because in her words, 'at least you know how to operate computer and use the internet, right?'. My accompanied hours came to an end. We have sent hundreds of applications, with tailored cover letters. I received zero reply. The only response i got was from a hotel, who decided that i wouldn't know how to do a back office job and dropped me.

Eventually, one application went through. I got a preassessment, then first interview with the team, then second interview with the CEO. It is a senior research consultant position within my field! It has been my dream to transition into policy, and this is literally the only result I get. Hundreds of applications, one offer. I decided not to put a sankey because it would be extremely depressing. I am now stressed out with the international relocation, but i am glad that at last I have a contract that I just signed a couple of days ago.

The moral of this post? Nothing. I was very close to killing myself actually. I promised myself that if I do not find any job by July, I would go out and spend every single penny I have, and then arrange for a monoxide poisoning for myself. Is there any god out there? I don't know if any benevolent God would put a never ending 'test' into his creation (I have plenty of near death experience, including a displacement through a war and being a victim of sexual abuse in my personal history). So I guess as of now I am glad I don't have to go down that path for now.

Sorry it got really dark, but this job market is so depressing. So many seniors told me that they cannot in good faith advise someone to do a PhD today. So, I really hope that everyone in this sub will be doing ok.

Hiya! I tried looking this up in the sub but I am still unclear about how this works.

I (non-EU) am living in Italy with a family resident permit. My husband (EU citizen, non Italian) moved his residency here so I can get a family resident permit, but we're in a weird situation. The situation is that my husband does not earn (he is a PhD student in Germany, but is doing it remotely) and when we moved our residency to Italy, the financial proof was based on my job contract.

Now we are going to do the same thing in Spain. I just got a job offer in Barcelona. Throughout the discussion, the tip on the balance was the fact that I required no visa support as an EU-family member. Now I am required to register with the municipality in order to get NIE, but I am not quite sure how it works with the EU spouse not working and is technically studying in another EU country. If anyone can point me on the right direction, it would be grand!

Thanks!