M. (20F) disappeared and I (24M) found her on TikTok with another guy. What did I wrong?
It's my first time on Reddit and English is my third language, so please excuse any mistakes.
It all started subtly. I’ve been working for a large company in the USA for about a year now. One day, I was asked to help out at another location (Office C) — a place I knew well because I’d worked there a few times before. Our company was desperately trying to keep that office afloat, so they constantly sent new people there, as well as seasoned veterans like me.
That day in December 2025, I finally met her: M. She was a shy girl, doing her absolute best to keep the office functioning. A good chunk of the equipment wasn't working at the time, so she was using pediatric equipment on adults and doing it quite efficiently. We had a good conversation, but that was it — nothing special yet.
A few weeks passed, and I was asked to return to Office C to assist a traveling specialist. I knew his workflow well, so I was dispatched there. I saw M. again and discovered she speaks Spanish. That was a turning point because I’m learning the language too. She was cute, enthusiastic, and reminded me of myself when I first started in this field. We shared secrets about our career goals and talked about her cats and social life. We finished early, and to my surprise, she offered to drive me home. We exchanged numbers that day.
Months passed. I was moved to a different location (Office P), which was a total mess. I slowly organized the place, though it was frustrating because some staff wouldn't follow the rules. Eventually, Office C closed, and their customers were redirected to us. One day in March 2026, the receptionists told me we were getting extra help. You guessed it: it was M.
Things changed after that. I saw her a lot; we joked, created our own memes, and she always tried to be around me. She’d wave her hands in front of my face like she was doing "magic" and we’d "meow" at each other as a joke. There was teasing and the occasional hug. She taught me how to "hit the Griddy" and some funny Spanish words. I also found out she used TikTok, although the account belonged to her mother (this becomes important later). She was quite shy, often asking for help to pass documents to the receptionist. Since she was so reserved, I started helping her and mentioning that she needed to gain more confidence."
started planning a hike for us. I bought some new clothes and even prepared some insect repellent. We texted frequently at first. One day, she was tired and bored because she’d forgotten her thermos and had a hard day with a lot of repetitive tasks. I gave her a new bottle and promised to do something to keep her boredom away. The next day, I brought her a pack of sushi because she’d mentioned it was her favorite type of food. She looked so happy that day. At this point, M. started mentioning she wasn’t shy anymore, and I noticed a shift in her behavior. She started lying about things she knew (or maybe I just started noticing it after spending more time with her). She also mentioned having a bad habit of using bad language. I don’t know if it was a tactic to scare me off or not, but that's how it was..
A few days later, my brother got into a minor car accident. He was okay, but M. drove me home that day. She remembered exactly where I lived, and we shared a very close hug. I spent the next week fixing the car and fell down a rabbit hole of "how to flirt" and "how to attract girls" videos. I tried to implement those tips, but I didn't see much change, and she actually stopped texting me as much. I can't say if it happened right after that or not; it was more like a slow fading that had started even earlier. I invited her to a forest I’d heard about, and she agreed, saying it was her favorite place like some kind of personal forest for her.
"I invited her hiking for May 3rd, but she suddenly said she wasn't interested plus she is lazy. Following some AI advice, I tried acting a bit 'cold' and work-focused. The very next day was the last time I saw her. She finished her shift and looked at me for a few seconds as if she was waiting for something, but I just coldly said, 'See you Friday.' That was the last day... I should have said something, or at least tried to hug her...
April 29th was the last day I saw her, she disappeared.
M. messaged our manager saying she wasn't feeling well, but then she just never showed up again. I texted her, but her phone seemed disconnected. Even her parents weren't reachable. For two weeks, there was no information. Then, a few days ago, I saw her on TikTok (remember, her phone number was connected to her mom’s account). She was leaning on some guy, hugging him just the same way she used to hug me...
I don’t know what happened or if he was in the picture all along. All I know is she seems happy, and I should let her go. But I can't help but wonder: what was my mistake? I know now that being "cold" was a bad move, but there must be more to it.
I know "No general questions, polling or ‘opinion gathering" is a rule here, but I really need a help. You might not be thrilled with the story but I’m posting here because I’m genuinely sad and just need some perspective.
TL;DR
I met a girl, M, at work (dental field), and we hit it off immediately. We bonded over learning Spanish, shared personal secrets, and she even gave me rides home. Things seemed great—we had our own "inside jokes" and I was planning a hike for us. However, when I tried to get closer and followed some "how to flirt" and AI advice to act "cold" to attract her, she became distant. After I acted particularly cold, she suddenly disappeared, disconnected her phone, and stopped showing up to work. Two weeks later, I found her on TikTok leaning on another guy the same way she did with me. Now I’m left wondering if it was rigged since the beginning or if I could do something in this situation.