u/DekuHHH

I’ve (M27) known my friend (F26) for almost 4 years now; we met in college.

We now work at the same organization so I get to see her almost on a daily basis. The thing is, despite for how long we’ve been friends, we’ve only ever hung out outside of class/work like twice.

A few weeks ago, she would make suggestions during conversations like “we should play games online together sometime” & “would you like to hang out one of these weekends and do work together?”

Well, yesterday, I sent her a text asking if she’d like to play games later that evening. She responded saying yes and asking if some of her other friends could join us, I said yes. When the time came, I sent her a text letting her know I was waiting.

She never opened my message, her online status also said she was currently playing games. I played for a couple of hours before I decided to sign off for the night.

As of this morning, I have not gotten a message.

It’s obvious she ended up backing out but I don’t know why. She’s also done this in the past before: she’ll say yes to hanging out but then back out at the last minute. I think it’s obvious she doesn’t want to hang out with me but I don’t understand why she’s suggests the idea or says yes to the idea.

I’ve been thinking about asking her why these things have transpired because I’m genuinely confused but maybe I’ll come off as dramatic. What can I do? I’m not sure if this is relevant but she does have a fiancée.

Hi.

This is something I’ve always wondered about. I pretty much only have 2 hobbies that I invest significant time in that bring me joy.

Before, I’ve had friends who’ve asked if they can join me and I’ve always said no. For me, those 2 hobbies are my foundation for regulating my emotions and finding joy in life. Having others join me would only make me worried about “performing” for them, ensuring they’re having fun, having to teach them everything I know, etc. Pretty much, I wouldn’t really be having any fun due to being extremely self conscious.

Is this something that I would have to face in a relationship as well? As it stands, I really don’t want to make any concessions or compromises when it comes to these hobbies.

Would a potential partner be understanding or would this reasonably cause tension in a relationship?