u/Delicious_Block4734

We told our news of pregnancy to only our parents and siblings and explicitly told them, not to disclose. My MIL had told it to her cousin to ask about rituals, to which, we both got very mad at her. A few weeks in, I miscarried and still mentally recovering from it.

Now 2 days back, my husband’s aunt (a different closer relative) calls him and rubs this on his face about my miscarriage. He was shocked that she knows. Next day, he confronted his mother that he is deeply hurt that she broke his trust. My MIL was unapologetic and said it was important to talk to consult with her about my future prospects. Ofcourse, none of them are doctors or fertility experts. In fact, I doubt that the aunt is even literate.

My husband is showing a cold shoulder to his mom which is not bothering her because anyway we live in a different city. I’m also very angry and I’m thinking to cut off her allowance that I send her personally every month. But the worst thing is, her intent was not to do any wrong to us, she just doesn’t think she crossed any boundaries.

Tldr; always wanted a child but reconsidering now because of mental health issues. Biological clock is ticking and I can’t make a decision.

I’m 29 with egg count of a 40 year old. After 2 miscarriages in last 6 months and 3 beautiful years of with the most supportive husband, I am at a position where I’m considering not having a child.

I never judged the DINK couples but I always wanted to have a child. We just waited until we were more financially stable and physically fitter. We are now at satisfactory positions in our careers.

I did get pregnant twice. Both times were unplanned but both times we welcomed the idea. Then the unthinkable happened. During the second time, I miscarried in my 10th week, which was just over a month ago. That episode and other recent events have pushed me into depression and anxiety. I’m seeking help and taking medication and getting better. This is my second time experiencing both but it is much severe this time.

Initially, I did not want to try for another year or so. But after a small fertility test, my egg count result showed that my biological clock is ticking faster than I anticipated. So we both wanted to try as soon as my mental health gets better.

But lately I’m having second thoughts about having a child at all. I have only 3 reasons to turn to the other side - I don’t think I can go through another pregnancy loss again, I don’t want to bring a new life to this doomed world, and lastly I don’t think I’ll be a good mom because I’m a selfish person and I actually like putting myself first. I sometimes do things which hurt my husband not because I intentionally want to hurt him but just because I want to do it. I feel guilty about being selfish and the guilt eats me. I don’t think I can live being a selfish mom.