How did you know it was time to break up with your partner? (18F) and (18M) together 1 year
Me (18F) and my boyfriend (18M) have been together for about a year, and lately I’ve been questioning if we’re still actually happy together or if we’re just comfortable and used to each other.
It feels like we just exist in each other’s space now instead of genuinely spending quality time together. We barely do things that are just us anymore. A lot of the time he’s playing basketball with his friends or going to the gym, even during times I thought we’d spend together. Sometimes it feels like whenever there’s free time, he’d rather make plans with other people first.
The other day we were supposed to go watch our friends’ dance concert together. We had a couple hours to kill beforehand, and instead of hanging out with me he said he was going to play basketball with his friends. I ended up sitting in the car alone for almost two hours waiting.
We’re also about to go to college soon. We’re staying in the same state but going to different schools, and honestly that’s part of why I’m questioning everything more right now.
Lately I already kind of feel single. It feels like he’s living more of a bachelor life — going to the gym, playing basketball with his friends, always doing something with other people. I know there’s nothing wrong with that, and I don’t expect him to spend every second with me, but it hurts because it feels like when he does have free time, I’m not really the person he wants to spend it with.
We barely do anything one-on-one anymore. Even when we FaceTime, we mostly just sit there in silence. I know people say being comfortable together is a good thing, but this doesn’t feel comforting anymore. It just feels like we’re existing together while time passes. Sometimes I feel checked out emotionally because I don’t really feel like a girlfriend anymore.
I still care about him, but I also feel lonely and disconnected a lot of the time. Sometimes when he talks to me, I catch myself just answering without really feeling engaged, and I hate admitting that. I think part of it is because I don’t feel emotionally wanted anymore.
I don’t know if I’m overthinking or being too needy, but moments like this make me feel lonely even while being in a relationship. I’m scared that if this is already how things feel before college, then being at different schools is only going to make it worse.
For people who have been in relationships before, how did you know it was time to break up vs. just a rough phase that could be worked through?